Finding Your Authentic Voice in Public Speaking with Aleya Harris

Tim: 0:38

Welcome to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that’s here to help you unlock the power of effective public speaking. I’m your host, tim Newman, and I’m excited to take you on a journey to become a better public speaker. I really appreciate each and every one of our listeners and thank you for your support. If each of you could do one thing for me, it would be to give us a five-star review and share the podcast with someone close to you who would benefit from listening.

Tim: 1:00

Today’s guest, aaliyah Harris, is a spark for your spark, a trailblazer in purpose-driven story crafting. She’s a marketing executive and ex-Google vendor partner who brings her dynamic experience to her role as a CEO of the Evolution Collective Incorporated. Aaliyah is an international award-winning speaker, the founder and lead trainer of Spark the Stage and the host of an award-winning Flourishing Entrepreneur podcast. She’s also the best-selling author of Spark the Stage, master of the Art of Professional Speaking and Authentic Storytelling to Captivate, inspire and Transform your Audience Listeners. Let me tell you something. You better strap in, because Aaliyah always brings high energy and she’s very, very engaging. Aaliyah, thank you so much for joining us. I really do appreciate it.

Aleya: 1:50

Thanks for having me, Tim. I appreciate being here.

Tim: 1:54

You are, without a doubt, one of the most enthusiastic and engaging speakers I’ve ever seen. Even when I listen to you on just an audio podcast, your energy really comes through, and I think that is I think that’s probably half the battle of engaging audiences.

Aleya: 2:17

Yeah, I would agree. Often when I get off stage you’re right I hear people say Alea, oh my gosh, alea, I just love your energy, I love your energy. And it’s funny because I don’t. That makes it almost sound like I have to like hype myself up in my hotel room like bring the energy, bring the energy. But that’s not. That’s not what happens. I promise that is not me in my, that is not my pre speaking game. I promise.

Tim: 2:49

But it’s it’s. It’s just you and you, you being your, your authentic self, which is kind of what we’re going to talk a little bit about today. Exactly when we did the pre-interview, you did the pre-interview interview. Yeah, I mean, you were having kind of a relaxing day and I can still feel that energy. It’s just who you are, it’s just what you do.

Aleya: 3:10

Yeah, and it’s not unique to me. Yeah, and it’s not unique to me. I think that I want everyone to know that the energy that I have is a magnetizing type of energy, which I feel very blessed to confidently say, and it’s something that you can have as well. I don’t have all the stock in magnetism here, right, I haven’t cornered the market on it. It’s something that I actually teach people how to develop for themselves, because people are coming to hear you speak. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They’re coming to the conference because they want to learn, they want to do all these things, but they’re really coming to connect. Yes, and if you, as a human, can connect with them, then you’ve got them.

Tim: 3:53

Yes, You’ve got them. So before we get started, we’re going to connect a little bit here.

Aleya: 4:00

Okay, let’s do it.

Tim: 4:01

Why Japanese whiskey?

Aleya: 4:05

Oh Lord, we can really have this be the whole episode. So I am a japanese whiskey fan. I like that. It has a smoother finish, more floral, has a speediness of scotch but a more elegant layered flavor profile. I just enjoy it. It doesn’t feel like it’s gonna sock me in the mouth like some bourbon does, and I do like some bourbons as well.

Aleya: 4:33

Like I I like um belmead is one of my favorites from uh, nashville, nashville area, tennessee, and uh, so I just, I just really enjoy it. If you give me some habiki harmony with one of those big rocks of ice and you sit me down on a soft couch, that sounds like a good evening to me.

Tim: 5:00

That’s awesome. I’ve never had Japanese whiskey. That’s one of the things that just kind of jumped out at me. I do love bourbon. I’m a I wouldn’t say I’m a bourbon connoisseur, but I do. I like. I like the middle to higher-end bourbons. I’m not a. Somebody said, well, we’ll give you some makers. No, I’d rather not have anything than drink something. Right, right right right, you know what I mean.

Aleya: 5:28

So that’s kind of where I’m at, but yeah, it’s interesting, you know, when you learn about things that are interesting about other people, and where you talk about that connection, where you can actually learn something about somebody else. Yes, that is kind of the point. I think that people miss that point. When you’re making a connection, you’re learning something about another person, like most people think I’m making the connection so you can learn something about me. No, and that’s not it.

Tim: 6:04

That’s not it. That is not it. You know, again, you and I have talked about, you know, young professionals and not knowing how to connect. And you know when, when, when I, when I talk to them, I say you’re going to go to a networking event, I don’t want you just to exchange a business card, I want you to actually connect. I want you to talk to them. You know, find out about them. It doesn’t you don’t even have to talk to them about business, right? Just just who are they? You know? Are they married? Where are they from? Find something that the two of you have some relation to, and that’s where you can really start to build things. And then you get into that business relationship or that personal relationship. What have you? You actually?

Aleya: 7:02

have to have some communication, some rapport building, some of those other things that actually make networking, networking and connections connections. Absolutely. I think that you need to approach any type of networking or connection from a place of deep curiosity. It tends to be difficult when you are struggling. If you are in survival mode, business isn’t going well. You really need this to work. You need your next lead. You need your next that, even if that is, you take a deep breath, put that to the side and say that you’re going to go in and just make some connection with a person that is going to provide you with an opportunity and, more importantly, you’re going to provide them with one, and then things will work out. But if you go in there and you spray and pray business cards and it’s just not how humans, especially post-pandemic, have decided to be in relationship with one another it doesn’t work that way it doesn’t work.

Tim: 7:57

that way it really doesn’t, and you never know where that next connection or that next opportunity is going to come from. Really, it could come from anywhere, so you need to be prepared for that, you need to be open to that. You need to be open to again learning about other people and other things.

Aleya: 8:19

Well, and not only could it come from anywhere, which I totally agree with, it could come at any time. So I recently had a client come back to me after actually they were never even my client, they were just a connection. Actually they were never even my client, they were just a connection and apparently I’ve been on their bucket list about when they hit a certain revenue number. They were determined to work with me and I hadn’t talked to them for like two and a half years. And then here they come, sauntering back into my little old life in a most beautiful way, like I have the cash, I really want to work with you. You just you never know the impact you’re going to have on people when you come from a perspective of serving before you sell.

Tim: 9:02

Absolutely. If you get nothing else, I mean, we could end it right here and leave it there, but we’ve got much more, much more deep insight to get into, but that, if we don’t get that, one piece.

Aleya: 9:16

you’re never going to get anything else after that. That’s very true, Very true. Good point.

Tim: 9:20

So let’s talk about your speaking journey. I’ve already, you know, kind of mentioned how enthusiastic and dynamic and engaging you are. What’s your speaking journey been like? You know? Any embarrassing moments? How’d you overcome your stage fright? Because I know everybody has it, Everybody has it. And when did you know that?

Aleya: 9:40

you really had a gift. So I’m going to say something that’s going to make me sound like a dick. Are you ready? Let’s hear it? I actually don’t have stage fright.

Tim: 9:51

You never had stage fright.

Aleya: 9:54

No Good for you. And I know that that sounds ridiculous and that sounds like I’m making up and my whole brand is about being radically authentic. But I actually have the opposite of stage fright.

Aleya: 10:05

When I get on the stage I’m like, oh, finally oh this is the best place in the room and I I don’t know where that comes from. I have always been someone that enjoys talking and enjoys being in front of the room, so I don’t have stage fright. I’m trying to think of an embarrassing moment, because I have lots of those in my life, any related to being on stage. I can’t think of embarrassing moments related to being on stage.

Tim: 10:37

Or public speaking in general.

Aleya: 10:39

I mean, it’s public speaking in general, but I do remember this one time that I was speaking and you know, a lot of times when you book speaking engagements you’re booking them way far out Right. So I booked it. I don’t know like a year out and I get there and I turns out I learned afterward that I had covid. I just thought I had a cold, but I had signed the contract. I was not giving the money back, so I showed up. I’m on the stage and every three sentences I’m hacking up a lot on the table.

Tim: 11:18

I had Theraflu in a coffee cup.

Aleya: 11:20

Oh, my God, just trying to get through the presentation and I was embarrassed because that’s like not me and I apologized to people as they left and I felt really like horrible I was, was like I don’t even know if they got the message. Oh, I’m so frustrated flew all the way to Louisville Kentucky for it and I live in LA, so I’m like I have otherwise no business being in Louisville Kentucky, right? But you know what’s interesting, tim? This one was recorded, thankfully, and I got the video back and it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought. When I was on stage, I was mortified and I felt like I was just. First of all, I was feverish, sweating.

Tim: 12:10

I was sweating.

Aleya: 12:12

I was feeling like every word, no word is making any sense. And when I watched the video, yes, there were moments of me hocking up lungs, but they were fewer than I thought. The message was clearer than I thought and the audience was more engaged than I thought. And again, I’m not saying this to make it be like, oh well, I’m actually just that good. And again, I’m not saying this to make it be like, oh well, I’m actually just that good.

Aleya: 12:35

I’m saying that to kind of ask the listeners who are listening the times when you’ve gotten up on stage and you thought it was so bad, or the times that you thought, oh my God, I’m so embarrassed, or that you don’t get up because you think you’re going to be embarrassed. I can almost guarantee you it’s really not that bad. We are our own worst critics and, trust me, like I don’t get staged right, but am I really good at talking crap to myself? All of the rest of the time? Absolutely, and it’s really not as bad as we think it is. We catastrophize a lot and if we would do less of that and more appreciation of ourselves, I feel like there would be a lot less stage fright.

Tim: 13:21

To begin with, so when did you know that you really had a gift, that this was something that you were really good at?

Aleya: 13:42

that, um, the first time that someone came up to me in tears after I I spoke. That’s why I knew, when I knew I had nailed it in, and I giggled to myself. I’m like, if no one’s crying at the end of this, something’s, something’s not working and and and I and I don’t talk about like I don’t talk about, like I don’t have these huge traumatic stories that I tell the crying is not because they’re crying at my pain. The crying is because they’re releasing something within themselves. They have an acknowledgement of their true self. They have a connection with who they are meant to be. They have a realization of what they need to let go of, and so then the tears start coming. They have a realization of what they need to let go of, and so then the tears start coming.

Aleya: 14:20

The first time that someone came up to me and told me that I had changed their lives and made a difference in the 45 minutes that I was on stage, that’s when I knew that it was something that I needed to continue doing.

Aleya: 14:27

And now that happens almost every time, and it’s not again me getting on stage and hocking a lung up, or me getting on stage. I’ve been on stage in the middle of postpartum depression and I still get oh Lea, you have the best energy ever. It’s because I channel. I channel from my radically authentic self, my higher self, the part that knows, the part that is always going to be there and is connected to me and connected to everyone else. That’s also why I don’t get stage fright, because I don’t put that much pressure on myself. I am acutely aware that I might be the one with the cute dress on and the pink lipstick standing in the spotlight, but it’s not about me. Without the experience in the room and if I can just listen properly to the way that everything is moving and the way that I’m hearing from spirit moving in the room, then I’ll be just fine and, and so you know you talk about your authentic self, and most young people today they don’t.

Tim: 15:34

they don’t give that any thought at all. You know they don’t know who they are, what their values are, what their story is. How do we teach them, how do we teach people to figure that out, to learn who they are, to get to that point where they know who their authentic self is and then be able to express it and tell their story?

Aleya: 15:57

So I would argue that it’s not just young people, it’s everybody. There’s a lot of us out here running around not really truly aware of who we are. We are aware of certain things. We are aware of what society tells us to be, we’re aware of our job titles, our net worth or lack thereof, we’re aware of our education level, all of those things that are very external. And then so, when someone asks you who you are, those are the things that we tell them the school we went to, what job we have, where we live, and we are making the erroneous assumption that that is who we are, and that is very much not true. In order to find out who you are, you have to go internally. And now I’m going to give a shameless plug. Are you ready, tim? Let’s do it? Are?

Tim: 16:47

you ready for my shameless plug.

Aleya: 16:48

Let’s hear it. Okay, my shameless plug is in my bestselling book spark the stage, which is available on amazon and anywhere books are sold. The first three first section there are three sections is all about exercise, as I call them, essence expeditions to get to know your true self. Everything from doing forgiveness work to doing freeform writing, chanting, going, going outside and playing All of those things to take off the layers of the should, the could, the limiting beliefs that are on top of your true essence, so that you can get to know what it is like.

Aleya: 17:28

And you’ll know when you are getting close because you have a feeling. It’s almost like the feeling of reuniting with a good friend. You’ll start to kind of have that within you, like, oh, I have this familiar ness that I feel when I’m sitting and meditating or writing or chanting or doing on a walk. I feel connected to some old friend that I missed and that’s your first clue that you’re getting it. And then you start having conversations within yourself from that place and then let that part of you speak more to others and you are probably going to be better at everything that you do, not just speaking from the stage, but in making decisions and deciding how you, that you want to behave and where you want to go. As your next step, you’ll be guided from that very familiar, radically authentic self that already knows it’s much wiser than your conscious self is yeah, that’s a.

Tim: 18:37

Those are really really good points and and and how you’re going to change just by giving, like, like you say, giving that some some, some deep thought and going outside and playing. I mean, I mean, think, think about how we live our lives now, you know, we very rarely go outside. We have our faces shoved in our computers or our phones or iPads or whatever else. Right, you know, we spend time in the amount of time that we have for, or that we allow for, recreation and fun and, in winding down, has has really diminished.

Aleya: 19:26

It really has, and we don’t know what it is like many of us to do something just for fun’s sake. Even video games are now a multi-million dollar industry. Like the video game playing, there are video game teams. Like there are football teams, I think, for the sheer fun of it, go feel some sun on your face, go roll down that grassy knoll like you used to when you were a kid. Life is supposed to be fun. Yes, you’re supposed to be enjoying this experience, and it’s not all the time.

Aleya: 20:06

There are many times in my life when it was inevitable that I was not going to enjoy a certain experience, but as I try my best to get back to the enjoying of it as quickly as possible, because that is where the truth lies. Right, it’s very easy to believe that the sadness or the stress or the burnout or the overwhelm, that that’s the truth, because, alayah, you don’t know my life. Don’t you see my schedule? Don’t you see these kids I got? Don’t you see this? This is the truth. That’s not the truth. That’s your perception of it, right? Exactly, life is all about our thoughts that we give and our opinions that we give to circumstances. The circumstances themselves are quite neutral, just change. Change is neutral. Your opinion of it is what determines whether you think it’s good or bad. So if you are going to decide that you know what, this is actually good. I got laid off, that’s good. Didn’t get the grade I wanted, that’s also good, I’m good with it. I am good with all of it. That just means that change is happening.

Tim: 21:15

Exactly, Exactly. And you know, that’s one thing I really like about your book is is the way that it’s structured. It creates a framework and it allows for a shift in mindset. And it allows for a shift in mindset right. And so how does that shift in mindset really impact a speaker’s effectiveness? Because we know how it we just described, how it affects us personally in our personal lives. But how does it affect us from a communication, public speaking perspective, from a communication.

Aleya: 21:49

Public speaking perspective. 90% of speaking happens off the stage. If you are a professional speaker, you’re on that stage 10% of your time, but the rest of the time you are trying to hone yourself as a human being so that when you get on the stage, people experience the very best of you. You are the very best service that you can be to the people in that room. You are facilitating transformations in clear and compelling ways, using just the words of those exact individuals in front of you, whether there are two of them or 2,000 of them, the words that they need to make change in their lives. You don’t just pop up on a stage and stick a microphone in your face and know how to do that. All of the mindset shifts, the internal work, you letting go, you becoming a human that is more open and flexible and fluid to be able to understand how to deliver your message in a way that resonates with humans that are not you, because you’re not getting up there to talk to yourself. The work that you’re doing in between is what allows you to do that. You look at people that are Broadway stars or great speakers or even great actors, and you see them for a small percentage of time. They’ve spent hours and hours and hours honing that craft and honing the craft of public speaking.

Aleya: 23:30

Yes, is about story structure.

Aleya: 23:31

Yes, it’s about the stories you’re telling.

Aleya: 23:33

Might even be about your slides, but it’s mostly about you as a human Because, let’s be honest, if you took all of your content and you wrote it in a blog post, I probably could learn it just as well.

Aleya: 23:48

Or if you took that content and then you had some app, read it aloud you’re an auditory learner I could learn it. That’s not why I’m sitting there in front of you, that I am sitting there to be, to be connected with, to help you transform me, because you are using yourself, your body, your energy, the way you’re corralling the room to help me get something that I cannot do on my own, which is the transformation I’ve been desperately seeking this entire time, and a transformation can be a huge life shift. It could be an aha moment to be able to better use a technology effectively. Right, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a motivational speaker or a technical speaker or a marketing speaker or whatever kind of speaker. You’re still looking to take people from point A to point B, and the way to do that is if you take yourself from point A to point B, Well, just take it from an even smaller perspective, you know, from a parent’s perspective, mother or father, right, you’ve got to.

Tim: 24:56

You take this little human person who can’t do anything for themselves, and then you’ve got to teach them to be that good person and you’re modeling behavior and you’re encouraging them and you’re nurturing them and you’re disciplining them and you’re teaching them and all of these things. And that’s that’s to me, that’s public speaking, right, that’s. But you’re, you’re, maybe you’re standing on stage, maybe you’re standing in front of a team meeting, maybe you’re, you’re in an interview, it could be any of those things. You want to take somebody from point A to point B, to point C, to point D, whatever it is. And and if we, if we look at it from a, from that different perspective, and again back to that, back to the whole mindset thing, it’s not about you. You need to know you, but it’s not about you, it’s about them and it’s about improving their lives, improving their lot, improving whatever it is. That’s what’s powerful.

Aleya: 25:59

Yes, absolutely, I 100% agree.

Tim: 26:04

And so chapter one is about ego. Chapter one is about ego and I talk about ego a lot because that, to me, is something that we as humans, as adults, really we put so much stock in our ego and our ego aside and what that did for you professionally, and how hard was that. How hard is that to learn that you know what my ego is, what’s driving this. My ego is what’s putting me in this position. I need to let go of that and become better. How hard was that for you?

Aleya: 26:52

It is an ongoing experience, tim, it is. It’s just when you think that you’re back in the driver’s seat, because you never want to get rid of your ego, because your ego does serve a purpose of protection and motivation and direction. So it’s not that you’re trying to get rid of it, but you’re like, okay, I’m, I’m good, I can, I can take back over. Now, just when you think you’re in the driver’s seat, you look over and you’re kind of like in one of those cars where it’s like a driver’s training, where there’s a steering wheel on both sides and you think that you’re steering the car but you’re not like it’s insidious, like that Exactly. So it’s, it’s a consistent check in. That’s why, inside of the book I talk about, essence expeditions is becoming a part of your regular routine.

Aleya: 27:45

I call it energetic hygiene. I call it energetic hygiene. You are the sovereign ruler of the energetic empire of you. So welcome to Emperor Tim here on the call. And this is Empress Leia having a conversation with you. And it is up to us to keep our empires clean and in line. And the way to do that is through regular check-ins. Doing things before you need it, right, right, tidying up before the house looks like it should be condemned.

Tim: 28:22

Exactly.

Aleya: 28:23

Exactly been a challenge to consistently do that, especially as I’ve gone through lots of ups and downs and all arounds in my life these past couple of years and the more that I am consistent with the things I know to do right and I am not always consistent, I am very human but the more that I am, the healthier I feel, the more connected I feel, the more successful and confident I feel moving forward.

Tim: 28:56

So how much do you think, in terms of business growth, how much has your business acumen and growing of your business grown because of learning how, at times, to put that ego aside? Because, again, from that perspective, if we’re always ego-driven, we have blinders on and we never see, we don’t see the things that we don’t see. We have blinders on and we never see, we don’t see the things that we don’t see. And when we take those blinders off from that ego and we allow others to influence us or see, see those types of things, that’s to me is what I think when we, when we get that aha moment and we can grow. So how much have you grown from a business perspective by being able to let that ego go at times?

Aleya: 29:52

Oh my gosh. So much because I’ve been able to realize that I don’t have to always have it all together Shocking.

Tim: 30:04

Shocking isn’t it?

Aleya: 30:06

And trying to have it all together usually makes things fall apart a lot faster. So by releasing the control and allowing myself to be able to flow with the story that I want to tell versus the story that I’m currently telling and being very clear on what that even is, then I have been able to launch products more successfully, go after bigger clients, trust that I am enough and I don’t need to add or remove anything from myself. I am doing it and doing it well, and I deserve to be in the room and take up the space that I take up, because I’ve done the work to realize that I am not my ego. Right, we are two separate entities, yeah.

Tim: 31:05

And that’s the thing you know. When we did the pre-interview, I was telling you about a student who I had a conversation with, who thought he was really good at communication, and I was pointing out these things that he wasn’t doing, and he said, well, I don’t need to always do them, and we said, no, but you do need to do them. And that’s a perfect example of that student putting ego in the way of opening your eyes and seeing you know what. Let’s give it a shot, let’s let let’s let this go and let’s let’s give trying something new a shot and see where that goes, see where that takes us.

Tim: 31:39

If he’s, if he’s wrong, he’s wrong and what? What’s it going to hurt? I’m still I’m still in my mind, still good at this. It’s it to understand that, even the best of the best of the best that you know I come from the sport industry the Kobe Bryants, the Michael Jordans, the Tom Brady’s of the world they work on fundamentals every day. They had coaches teaching them every day. They didn’t get to be the best at their position, at their sport, by not being open to learning new things and trying new things.

Aleya: 32:20

Yeah, absolutely Absolutely, I mean, and being coached through it. So the real insidious bit of an ego is that it will tell you that you don’t need anybody else, you can do it all alone. You don’t need to trust in anyone, you know all you need to know, and that’s just not the case. You need to be able to rely on and trust in coaches, and whether they’re formal, former coach, formal coaches I can speak, I promise, I’m a speaker or are there people that you just know, love and trust that can tell you when you are not doing it right or when something could be adjusted or shifted or changed? And it’s in those moments that you grow. Kobe Bryant as a coach well, had a coach. Rest in peace. Michael Jordan coach right.

Aleya: 33:23

LeBron James, michael Jordan coach right, lebron James coach. They all have coaches. The best know that in order to be and stay the best, you need to have a coach. You cannot do it alone. And you have to be open to being coached.

Tim: 33:45

You can be coachable, absolutely. You can have a coach and not be coachable, and that’s you might as well not have a coach.

Aleya: 33:52

You might as well not, and I’ve worked with people like that, but have paid me money to work with people like that and I’m just like you are wasting your money. I am really trying to be with you here and it is not happening. So don’t waste your money or your time or somebody else’s time by not being coachable for sure.

Tim: 34:16

Exactly, I mean, when you’re smacked at least this is my own personal opinion when I get smacked in the face and know that I don’t know something, the first thing that I’m doing is I’m letting that ego go and I’m searching out people who I know can help me there. You know, teach me this or teach me that, you know, guide me through this. What should I be doing? How should I be looking at it? And it’s again when I, when I get smacked in the face like that, it’s, it’s a, it’s a wake up call and knowing, okay, it’s time to put some effort into doing those types of things.

Tim: 34:53

And again, I’m just like anybody else. I put blinders on, I put my ego first at times, Like you said, it’s natural. But when it’s brought to your attention, you better do something about it, because you’re only hurting yourself, You’re hurting your organization, you may be hurting your relationships personal or business, whatever that is and if you continue going down that road, you’re going to eventually burn bridges or get yourself in real trouble that you’re not going to be able to get out of.

Aleya: 35:24

Yeah, yeah, absolutely I agree. I think that’s really astute for sure, yeah, absolutely I agree.

Tim: 35:31

I think that’s really astute for sure. So the second phase of your book it’s called Get Clear, and here’s where you’re really trying to help them develop their presentation, their story, their talks. How would you describe it?

Aleya: 35:53

Okay, yeah, absolutely. So the three are get real, get clear and get connected. So getting clear is really about like, okay, let’s talk about the storytelling frameworks that you need, as well as the outline that you need to be able to make sense on stage, because, yes, you need to be magnetic, yes, you need a channel, but if you don’t make no sense, ain’t nobody listening to you. You have to make sense when you’re on stage and people have to be captivated from the very first thing that comes out of your mouth. And, for me, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people go on stage and they start like thank you for being here, oh, I’m so glad. Oh, hey, susie, I see you in the front row. Oh, yes, oh, is that the weather? Am I right? And it’s like, oh, my gosh. Well, this person gets started already Five minutes later later and they start clicking through a slide and by that point in time, you’ve lost them.

Aleya: 36:56

You’ve lost them. You’ve lost them. So the very first thing that comes out of your mouth needs to be the start of a grand story arc that you’re taking them through, from the beginning of your presentation to the end of your presentation. It needs to capture them like.

Aleya: 37:15

The first line of my book is something along the lines of uh, I started my entrepreneurial career as the victim of an abusive relationship. Right, people go oh wait, what? Let’s, let me lean into that I? I wasn’t really going to listen before, I wasn’t sure about this, but now I’m captivated. Exactly Right, right, I just produced. I’m very proud of myself. I co-produced my very first speaking event where I was on the other side. I was choosing the speakers and, of course, I spoke myself. And one of my favorites her name was Katie Chen Mazar and she told these were just seven to ten minute stories. She told this harrowing tale of her aunt, and the first line of her story was something along the lines of I had never seen horror depicted in the flesh until I saw the burned body of my Aunt, alice when I was 16.

Tim: 38:11

Oh, my God. Right, you’re listening to the rest of that right.

Aleya: 38:16

Yeah absolutely.

Aleya: 38:20

And then from there you know we’re all crying by the end. I cry every time. I heard that story and I helped her craft it and it’s still. I was still crying when she told it right, yeah, you capture them and you don’t let them go Right and you hold on by articulating the problem that you’re solving. The stories that you are using to articulate the problem, and having a clean and clear structure to your presentation is key to making people realize that they could not have gotten this from just reading a blog post Right.

Tim: 38:49

Key to making people realize that they could not have gotten this from just reading a blog post. Right, because you know, we’ve all read blogs. We’ve all read these types of things. Honestly, if I’m reading something, and that’s the first line, I’m not reading anymore because I don’t need to, I don’t, I don’t. You know what I mean. I don’t need to read that. I love true crime, true crime podcasts. I love true crime podcasts. And I went and my youngest grandson was baptized this past weekend and on the way back, oh, congratulations.

Tim: 39:21

It was pretty awesome. It was pretty awesome. My wife was with me in the car. I said, okay, it’s time for a new podcast and she put one on. Was with me in the car. I said, okay, it’s time for a new podcast and she put one on and it was about uh, first started out some father was sexually molested his daughter. I said, okay, we’re done with that one.

Aleya: 39:39

I’m done and we’re done.

Tim: 39:40

I’m not listening to that, you know, but but when you’re, when you’re on stage and you hear a something that’s that grabs your attention like that, not only are you listening but, like you said, you’re actually leaning in and riveted by the story, exactly. And hanging on to every word, every sentence, every pause, every sniffle, everything that goes into that everything that, that that goes into that and you’re waiting for the.

Aleya: 40:17

So what? Which is also one of the things that you need to keep in mind as a speaker. So if she had just gotten up and told that story and made everybody cry for no reason, you’d always you almost start to resent her, why would you do that to me, like, yeah, why would you do that to me?

Aleya: 40:31

I was having a great day until you came along. But that was not the point of her story. The reason why her aunt um set herself on fire was because she had been sold into a brothel by her father and then at one when she was like 13 or something like that super a child. And then when one of the johns promised to take her out and promise to the world and then reneged on the promise, she felt hopeless because then she had gotten pregnant, she had a baby, and when her baby was like four or five she set herself on fire because, again, money. So she was sold into the slavery because of money. She felt hopeless because she now didn’t have the money to get out of the situation and then she eventually took her life about 15 years after that, using pills because her daughter was financially then able to take care of herself.

Aleya: 41:33

So money ruled this woman’s life, or the lack thereof, and the whole point of the story was no one should have to feel like they are in any difficult situation that they can’t get out of because of money.

Aleya: 41:48

So she urged the audience.

Aleya: 41:49

Her aunt’s name or pseudonym was Alice and she said I encourage you to create your Alice fund so that you never have to be in a situation that’s as desperate as my aunt was in, because there are many women that are in many of those situations all over the world.

Aleya: 42:08

So it was to create your Alice Fund and to understand what you are saving yourself from. And so at the end, I feel like almost everybody opened up their wells far by at least transfer $50 in some account. Right, you were motivated, you were inspired and you realized the importance of money to your freedom as a human being and especially as a woman. That was the point of the story. So when you’re up here captivating the audience, telling these stories, you have to keep the so what in mind, because without the so what, you’re up there again, you’ve accidentally stepped out of the real driver’s seat into the vague one and your ego is driving the show telling you that you need to pretend to be an expert and show everybody how good you are, rather than giving them what they need and being of service right yeah, that’s, that’s a.

Aleya: 43:05

I’m stuck on the story again sorry, no, it’s, it’s because it was one of those stories but?

Tim: 43:12

but I had a conversation with a woman right before I left to go to to the baptism last week and she was sex sex trafficked by her mother, her. This was in the early 70s, back when fathers couldn’t get custody of kids. Her father finally got custody of her, then died a year later from cancer. Then she was in a horrible car accident where she had some severe brain trauma. It took her three years of therapy to be able to walk and talk and think like normal. It gets worse, oh my gosh. She was then shot at the at the Las Vegas country concert. She was pregnant and she was pregnant with twins and lost both twins.

Aleya: 44:05

Oh my God, this poor woman’s life, oh my gosh. And she is alive to tell all of those tales.

Tim: 44:17

Yes, and again her. So what comes back to resilience and that that allowed her to be able to recover from those things and and offer support and services to other people. And I’m thinking about it and so you know, and I’m I’m worried that you know I’m my my day is shot because I didn’t get the trash out right, right.

Aleya: 44:40

it also stories like that help to also put things into perspective. Perspective, exactly, yes, yeah.

Tim: 44:48

Exactly.

Aleya: 44:58

So, but my life isn’t that bad, right? Well, I think that there’s. It puts it into perspective, but I also don’t want to negate it, because just because you have not been sold into sex trafficking does not mean that you aren’t struggling with something exactly, but what it does show you is that, no matter what your struggle is, people can and do overcome including you, right, and not just not just but thrive and and thrive, but thrive, exactly, exactly so let’s get back to your book, which is much more fun and and exciting, and and, and, and, uh, so, so the third section of the book is is the get connected section, and it and it helps people um, put everything together to actually get on stage.

Aleya: 45:46

Yes. So the book is really from soup to nuts how to be a good speaker and how to make money doing it. So the second part is here is how you get together your media kit, here’s how you put together a pitch, here’s where to find speaking engagements, here’s pricing which is like the wild, wild west, and everything that you will need so that, by the end, you will confidently be able to go out and get speaking engagements. I will say that it is not hard to get on a stage. You’re like what? It’s really not. There are open calls and calls for speakers all the time.

Aleya: 46:35

The challenge is that people don’t apply, or they don’t know where to go or where to apply or what to do. So what you need to do is just put yourself out there so that you can get on that stage. And yes, you might do your first one for free. You might not, but getting that experience and, most importantly, getting some video of you having that experience, is going to be key, because speaking begets speaking. So the more that you speak, the more that you speak. So I encourage you to just start speaking, start applying and refine as you go from there.

Tim: 47:11

And get over that, that, that self-talk, the imposter syndrome that nobody else is doing to you but you, because if you get on the stage or you get hired, you’re there for a reason. They hired you for a reason. They want you there for a reason, whatever it is that you’re, they want you there for a reason, whatever it is, that you’re telling yourself that you’re not good enough, you shouldn’t be there, that you’re doing that to yourself. Cut it out. Not only are you good enough, they actually want you to be there, they want to hear you, they want to hear your story, they want to give you the message. So let it go.

Aleya: 47:43

Exactly. I think that is incredibly good advice.

Tim: 47:48

Where’d you get the name for the book Spark this Age? Because it’s catchy.

Aleya: 47:59

Well, thank you.

Tim: 47:59

And then you couple it with your I mean your whole brand, I think is you know, and then you couple it with your, I mean your whole brand. I think is great, you’re always on brand, it’s noticeable.

Aleya: 48:12

But the name to the book. Where did that come from? So it actually was from one of my friends. I was having an existential crisis and I was like who am I Like? What do I do? Like, if you had to put me in words, what would you do? And we came up with the word spark.

Aleya: 48:27

The spark for your spark, because that is what I do naturally. I don’t I had done it for her and it’s what I naturally do for lots of of people. So when it came for to writing the book and I was thinking about basically a lot of the things that we’re talking about here, which is not really not being about you when you’re on stage, I said, well, I am sparking their spark, but then they’re sparking it, you’re lighting it up, you’re creating a bright light in that room. That is undeniable, and it’s a light of love, it’s a light of transformation, it’s a light of hope, it’s a light of clarity that gets sparked when you step onto that stage by you being your radically authentic self. So, while I am sparking your spark when you read the book, you’re going to spark everyone else.

Tim: 49:41

That’s awesome and it’s so true, mm. Hmm, that’s awesome and and it’s so true it’s. I tell people a lot we, you know, we just had the election. It is what it is and you know you can’t necessarily worry about the bigger picture. You can only do so much. But if you worry about the people that are close to you, that inner circle, the people that you touch, and hopefully that you can affect them and and they’ll affect somebody, and then they’ll affect somebody, and that’s where that ripple effect comes from, and that’s exactly what you’re doing, it’s perfect.

Aleya: 50:14

Yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely.

Tim: 50:18

So is there? Is there anything else that we didn’t talk about? That our listeners really need to know Besides going to buy the book on amazon. Spark this age on amazon, we’re gonna get that to at least two or three more times.

Aleya: 50:32

Two or three more times, they’re gonna slide it on in there, um, and write it and then please leave a review. Reviews matter, um, a lot, actually we do. I want you, if you’re sitting and listening to me and I’ve been talking about stories and storytelling to answer a question for you that you might be asking yourself, that many of my students ask when they first come to me, which is Do I have a story to tell and does anybody actually care? A story to tell and does anybody actually care? And my definitive, clear and confident answer to you is yes. Yes, there just waiting for you to tell the story because they need to hear it from your mouth, in your way, with your exact history surrounding it, and by not telling that story, you’re robbing a whole potential segment of humans from their transformation by not sharing yours. So I really encourage you to step into the power of the story, step into the power of yourself and tell it, because you are the only one who can.

Tim: 52:00

That is so 100% accurate and your story isn’t wrong.

Aleya: 52:08

No, it is not.

Tim: 52:11

That, if you know, I think you know, we, we, we opened up with you know being authentic. And this is just this piece right here I think is just as important. Everybody has a story. Everybody can share their story. You should be fine with telling your story and it’s there, you can do it. As my youngest daughter, who’s 31 now. She says Dad, I believe in you. I said thank you, sweetie.

Tim: 52:43

Oh, that’s so sweet, but you have to start believing in yourself and there are people out there that also believe in you and you know, if you build that network and you build that support system, that’s what we do. I would much, from my perspective, who I am, I would much rather lift other people up and have them succeed and watch them go and and and be successful than than me. My success is is nothing if you, if you don’t succeed, period, and that’s um.

Aleya: 53:14

Yep Absolutely, absolutely.

Tim: 53:17

So, anyway, so, um, I hear you have a book out. Yes, have you heard about it? It’s called Spark the Stage, spark the Stage. Where can people buy it?

Aleya: 53:26

It’s available on Amazon and anywhere books are sold actually.

Tim: 53:33

And I’ll tell you it’s a phenomenal book. I’ll be honest, I’m much more partial to the first section and the third section. I love them. I mean the whole thing is good, but I think it’s more the way my mind is. I’m a structure, I’m a systems guy, you know.

Tim: 53:53

Yes and so but I mean the framework of the book is perfect. I mean again from my perspective, because it lays it out for you. If you do this and you and you put the work into it, it’s not just read the book and then go off and do it. You have there’s work that’s involved in these things. There’s there’s critical thinking, for for you as an individual, you actually have to to to spend some time doing the work and then you’re going to get a really good result.

Aleya: 54:23

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. That’s it. It’s literally from soup to nuts step zero to 100 of how to become a confident, professional public speaker who has a story that people are excited to hear.

Tim: 54:41

Absolutely. And where else can people find you Excited to hear Absolutely?

Aleya: 54:45

And where else can people find you? People can find me at alayaharriscom A-L-E-Y-A-H-A-R-R-I-S dot com.

Tim: 54:51

And you have some really good services too. I mean your masterclass, yeah, we have a free masterclass on there.

Aleya: 54:58

You can also buy the book on there and my course Spark the Stage. This course is really great if you want to know if you’re doing it right. So if you read the book and you’re like, this is great. But I really certainly would love Alayah to tell me if I’m on the right track, if my talk is going to resonate, if my media kit looks right. Am I looking in the right places? That’s the beauty of the course, because then you get the content of the book in videos. But then you also get a community and you get to talk to me Like let’s hang out and I can tell you 100% whether you’re doing it right or not or whether we need to tweak it. And if you’re struggling with something in a particular area, I can help you find the resources so that you can get on that stage.

Tim: 55:44

That’s awesome and I would encourage everybody to number one buy the book. Number two connect with Aaliyah and reach out to her, because if she can teach you even half to get half the energy and half of this, you guys are going to be successful. No matter what, I promise you that.

Aleya: 56:02

Oh, thanks Tim, Thanks Tim.

Tim: 56:04

Thank you so much for joining us. I really do appreciate it. You take care and I’ll talk to you soon. Thanks, you too. Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcastcom to join our growing community and register for the Formula for Public Speaking course. Always remember your voice has the power to change the world. We’ll talk to you next time, Take care.