Tim Newman Speaks: Overcoming Screen Addiction to Boost Empathy and Memory

Tim: 0:38

Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that helps you build the skills that lead to real results Communication, storytelling, public speaking and showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. I’m Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach, and I’m thrilled to guide you on a journey to becoming a powerful communicator. Make sure you hit the subscribe button so you never miss an episode. Today, I’m going to take the conversation about digital overwhelm with Craig Madsen a little bit deeper and give you some more practical tips to build better connections and have more meaningful conversations. If you missed the episode with Craig Madon, make sure you check it out. Let’s go ahead and get started. Hey you, Alice. Yeah you and Ben, you’re scrolling while you’re pretending to listen to something else right now. We’ve all been there, but did you know that this habit might actually be reshaping your brain? Think about how often you check your phone during a conversation while you watch TV.

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Studies show excessive screen time causes the thinning of the cerebral cortex that’s the part of your brain that’s responsible for empathy and emotional processing. In America, people spend 44% of their waking hours looking at screens, but it could be worse. In South Africa, it’s 70%. This isn’t just about time management. It’s about altering how we connect, stick around to discover ways to undo the damage that we’re causing. Did you know a goldfish can focus longer than the average human? That’s right, a goldfish. Research shows that our attention span is now just 8.25 seconds, compared to a goldfish’s 9 seconds. Think about that. Since 2000, our ability to concentrate has dropped by about 25%, while screen time has steadily increased. Adults now spend over seven hours daily looking at screens. And this just isn’t about wasted time. It’s physically altering our brains. Heavy screen use leads to cortical thinning in areas of the brain responsible for empathy, emotional regulation and decision making, and this helps explain why staying focused during conversations feels harder than ever. Constantly switching between apps, messages and videos trains our brains to crave new stimuli, fragmenting attention and weakening deeper cognitive abilities. What we call multitasking is really just rapid attention switching, and it comes at a cost. Each time you check a notification mid-conversation, your brain needs nearly 25 minutes to fully refocus. This is why meetings with devices present result in poor information retention compared to those without.

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The so-called goldfish effect is most obvious in social settings Interrupted eye contact, forgotten details and shallow conversations that never go deeper because no one sustains attention long enough. The solution isn’t simply trying harder to focus. Our brains have adapted to this high-stimulus environment, and rebuilding the attention takes time. Studies show measurable improvements in focus and emotional processing after just one month of reduced screen use. And here’s the thing. It starts with awareness Catching yourself when you instinctively reach for your phone out of boredom or discomfort. Teens who cut recreational screen time to under three hours a day improve their attention spans within six weeks. Adults see similar benefits by setting simple boundaries like keeping phones out of bedrooms or disabling non-essential notifications. These small changes help the brain recover its capacity for sustained focus.

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This attention crisis goes beyond productivity. Fragmented focus damages relationships by making others feel undervalued. Think about this Checking your phone during a conversation signals social rejection, which the brain processes similarly to physical pain. Over time, these micro-rejections erode trust and connection, often without us even realizing it. Three-quarters of young adults now choose texting over phone calls, believing it’s more efficient. However, mit research reveals text-based communication filters out 80% of the emotional cues present in face-to-face conversations, transforming dialogue into information exchange rather than a meaningful connection.

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Couples resolving arguments via text take three times longer to reach an understanding compared to in-person discussions. The medium itself alters how we process emotions, not just the absence of body language. Think about this the average person responds to a text within 90 seconds Faster than the brain completes emotional processing. This creates a mismatch the sender feels the full emotional weight of their words, while the recipient receives stripped-down text, guessing at tone and intent. A 2023 University of California study found people misinterpret text 65% more often than spoken conversations. Than spoken conversations, simple phrases like fine or whatever often spark confusion or conflict without vocal inflection to clarify meaning.

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Imagine texting. We need to talk to a friend, only to have them panic over a non-issue because they misread your tone. Digital conflict escalates quickly for the same reason. Without nonverbal cues like a conciliatory smile or a softening eye contact, minor disagreements can balloon into major arguments. Couples who primarily communicate via text report more frequent misunderstandings and lower relationship satisfaction. And lower relationship satisfaction. The problem extends to work teams, where relying on Slack or email for complex discussions leads to 40% more miscommunication incidents than regular video calls.

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Texting also limits emotional expression. Rapid-fire exchanges average fewer than six words per message, leave little room for vulnerability or nuance. Psychologists note that self-disclosure decreases by 30% in text-based communication compared to voice interactions. How often do you use emojis? While they are helpful for basic tone, they lack specificity. A smiling emoji might signal happiness, sarcasm or nervousness, depending on context. Stanford researchers found that adding emojis to ambiguous messages increases misinterpretation by almost 22%. Switching to voice messages improves emotional accuracy by 55%, as a human voice conveys meaning through pace, pitch and pauses. Video calls restore about 70% of nonverbal cues, making them ideal for sensitive discussions. The most effective communicators match the medium to the message, reserving text for logistics and using richer formats for emotional or complex topics.

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The content you scroll through daily alters your emotional capacity. Social platforms optimize for engagement, prioritizing content that triggers immediate reactions over nuanced emotional exchanges. Think about it these platforms want to keep you engaged. Think about it these platforms want to keep you engaged. This constant exposure trains your brain to expect emotional stimulation and quick bursts rather than gradual, sustained connection showed 29% less activation in the amygdala, the brain’s emotional processing center, when witnessing real-world distress, compared to light users. This reduced activation diminishes the ability to empathize with others’ emotions, contributing to the 42% of frequent users who report feeling emotionally detached from offline relationships. The platform economy monetizes attention by hijacking natural emotional rhythms.

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Each notification delivers a microdose of dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with reward. Seeding, for example, a notification. Interrupting a heartfelt conversation can shift focus from emotional connection to the instant gratification of checking a like or comment. Real human bonding, however, relies on oxytocin, which builds gradually through shared experiences and physical presence. Dopamine-driven interactions condition brains to prefer the quick hit of a notification over the slow reward of a face-to-face connection. One study tracking college roommates found that those who communicated primarily through apps showed 50% lower oxytocin levels during shared activities compared to those who limited digital communication.

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This shift has tangible social consequences. Who limited digital communication? This shift has tangible social consequences. Stanford researchers discover that people retain 70% less information about friends’ lives when following them primarily through social media versus having direct conversations. Emotional outsourcing compounds this issue. Many now rely on AI tools to handle interpersonal communication, such as drafting difficult personal messages. While convenient, this practice erases the mental work involved in genuine emotional expression.

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The emotional numbing effect follows predictive patterns. Functional MRI scans reveal that after two weeks of heavy social media use, subjects show reduced activity in emotion processing regions and areas responsible for moral reasoning and self-reflection. Reaction buttons further distort emotional development, training users to qualify feelings into simplistic responses. A University of Pennsylvania study found that participants describing in-person experiences used three times more emotional nuance than those documenting online interactions. But here’s the thing the solution isn’t abstinence, but a rebalancing. Scheduling regular analog hours helps rebuild emotional stamina, with measurable growth in brain regions governing emotional regulation. How about this?

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Just the mere physical presence of a smartphone changes conversations, even when no one’s touching it. Imagine a family dinner where a phone sits on the table untouched but visible. Conversations feel stilted, moments of connection are fleeting and everyone seems slightly distracted. And research backs this up. A Virginia Tech study found that simply having a phone visible reduces conversation quality by 40%. Participants reported feeling less connected, remembered fewer details and described the interactions as less satisfying compared to phone-free conversations. And here’s the thing. This effect occurs whether the phone belongs to you or someone else, and psychologists attribute this to continuous partial attention. Our brains stay semi-engaged, with the possibility of notifications, splitting focus between the conversation and the potential digital interruptions. This mental juggling drains cognitive resources that would otherwise enhance listening and responding, and the social impacts are striking. A University of Essex study revealed that participants felt less valued when the conversation partners glanced at their phones even for less than three seconds. These brief glances register as subtle social rejection, triggering a sensitivity that evolved to detect threats but now misfires in the digital age Workplaces reflect similar patterns.

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A survey found 58% of employees multitasked during virtual meetings, often checking emails or messaging apps. Follow-up tests showed these workers retained 38% less information than their fully attentive colleagues. Yet many overestimated their comprehension, highlighting the illusion of multitasking confidence. How many of you all fit in that category? This normalization of divided attention has broader consequences. Eye contact, a key marker of engagement, has decreased by 60% since 2010 among frequent screen users. What once seemed rude now feels routine. But brain scans reveal a deeper cost Weaker connections between regions responsible for focus and emotional regulation.

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Over time, heavy device use leads to habitual attention fragmentation, a state of semi-distraction that persists even without devices. Recovery takes longer, making sustained focus harder to achieve. But again, solutions exist. Research from Microsoft’s Human Factors Lab shows that creating tech-free zones like dining tables helps build attention capacity. Even three device-free meals per week yield cognitive benefits similar to full detoxes. Physical separation, like leaving phones in another room, proves especially effective, reducing subconscious cognitive load and allowing richer, more meaningful interactions. Again, you don’t need to abandon technology to repair your attention span, just implement targeted boundaries.

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One effective method is the 90-20 rule. This was developed by Stanford researchers after studying cognitive performance patterns. The idea is simple Work in uninterrupted 90-minute blocks followed by 20-minute breaks spent completely offline. For example, imagine starting your morning with a focused work session, then stepping outside for a short walk or enjoying a cup of coffee by the window. These analog breaks allow your brain to reset more effectively than switching between digital tabs, aligning with natural attention cycles and preventing the cognitive drain of constant task switching.

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Cold turkey approaches often fail because smartphones fulfill genuine human needs, albeit inefficiently. Instead of eliminating screens entirely, consider replacing 30 minutes of nightly scrolling with a phone call to a friend or family member. A University of Pennsylvania study found this simple change reduced loneliness scores by 38% within three weeks. Reduced loneliness scores by 38% within three weeks. In contrast, those who tried eliminating evening screens entirely often relapsed, proving moderation is more sustainable than elimination. For lasting change, small technical adjustments can yield significant benefits. For instance, installing blue light filters on devices improves sleep quality, which enhances next-day focus and social presence. Participants using night mode settings reported feeling more engaged in morning conversations compared to those exposed to unfiltered screens before bed. These minor tweaks require minimal effort but deliver measurable neurological benefits, which is why phone manufacturers now include those features automatically.

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Another powerful habit is avoiding screens for the first 90 minutes after waking. Neuroscience research shows this prevents cognitive fragmentation for up to 6 hours, allowing the prefrontal cortex to activate fully. For example, delaying phone use until after breakfast can improve mid-afternoon concentration by 31% compared to starting the day with emails or social media. Together, these strategies form a sustainable system that enhances focus without treating technology as the enemy. The 90-20 rule combats the attention fragmentation. Scheduled scrolling satisfies novelty cravings and morning tech fasting protects peak focus windows. Over time, these changes lead to richer offline interactions and a genuine preference for less fragmented experiences, making the benefits self-reinforcing.

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The first few days of reduced screen time often feel uncomfortable, but by day five things begin to shift. Clinical data shows that within two weeks of implementing focus blocks, people report deeper, more meaningful conversations. Face-to-face interaction increases data wave activity in the brain, which facilitates emotional connection and memory formation. In fact, participants in these interactions remembered 55% more details about conversations compared to those distracted by devices. Memory systems reawaken alongside attention. Neuroimaging reveals that undistracted social interactions activate both hippocampus and sensory processing areas, creating richer memory traces. One participant shared how she vividly remembered not just her friend’s words during a breakup, but the way the afternoon light called her tears and how her voice cracked. These multi-sensory memories leave stronger emotional imprints than the fragmented recall typical of phone interrupted talks. As attention stabilizes, people naturally gravitate toward more substantive interactions. Early on trial, participants often described awkward silences during focus practice. By week three, these same pauses were seen as space to think or comfortable quiet, and brain scans confirmed this shift to showing increased prefrontal cortex activity during pauses, indicating deeper cognitive processing rather than anxiety.

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Over time, what starts as a conscious effort becomes an automatic preference. An MRI study showed that after 30 days of reduced screen time, the brain’s reward center responds more strongly to real social cues than to social media notifications. One participant noted I stopped wanting to check my phone because whatever was happening in the room got more interesting. Small physical changes reflect this transformation Eye contact duration nearly doubles after four weeks and pupillary synchrony and unconscious mirroring of pupils dilation linked to empathy improved significantly. One participant described how holding eye contact during a difficult conversation with their partner helped them connect in a way they hadn’t in years, and the benefits extend beyond personal relationships. Teachers in phone-free classrooms reported students asking more follow-up questions and making unexpected conceptual connections.

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Critically, these gains don’t require perfection. Even participants who occasionally lapse into old habits showed similar improvements, proving that consistent effort, not flawless execution, drives change. Early discomfort signals growth and within months, quality engagement becomes second nature. Keep in mind human connection hasn’t disappeared. We’ve just traded it for digital distractions. That buzz during dinner. Challenge yourself to silence it.

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Research shows each interruption forces your brain to reset, draining focus and presence. But change is easier than you think. Start with one device-free meal a day. Within two weeks, 68% of people report deeper conversations. Face-to-face interactions boost dataways by 40%, helping your brain rebuild and your attention span grow. Relationships don’t thrive on more communication, but better communication. The solution has always been within reach Put the phone down, look up and reconnect where it matters most. Remember we’re not looking for perfection. We just want to make progress. Be sure to visit speakwithconfidencepodcastcom to get your free ebook the Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers and how to Overcome them. You can also register for the Forming for Public Speaking course. Always remember your voice has the power to change the world. We’ll talk to you next time, take care.