Boosting Youth Communication: Essential Soft Skills Every Teen Needs for Success

Tim Newman [00:00:09]:
We've spent decades teaching kids algebra, chemistry, and how to diagram a sentence, but somehow we forgot to teach them how to introduce themselves, hold a conversation, accept responsibility, or handle rejection. And now we're acting surprised when employers say they can't find people with communication skills. Today we're going to talk about the course that should exist in every high school in America, but doesn't. Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, the podcast that helps you build the soft skills that lead to real results— communication, storytelling, public speaking, and showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. I'm Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach, and I'm thrilled to guide you on your journey to becoming a powerful communicator. Today's guest is Rob Heller. Rob is the founder of the BOOST Youth Alliance, which aims to equip today's youth with essential life skills for success in all areas of their lives. He initially developed a program for his oldest son during his teenage years, seeking a third-party program to reinforce the vital lessons he believed his son needed to thrive.

Tim Newman [00:01:11]:
After failing to find an existing program that addressed these crucial skills, Rob decided to create his own. In addition to founding BOOST, Rob is a successful entrepreneur who has built and sold multiple businesses throughout his business career. He has taught and implemented the BOOST lessons with a strong emphasis on mentoring young associates in these important skills. Rob, welcome to Speak with Confidence, bud.

Rob Heller [00:01:33]:
Great. Thanks, Tim. Thanks for having me. Really appreciate you having me on today. Looking forward to our conversation.

Tim Newman [00:01:39]:
Yeah, it's going to be great. And one of the things I talk a lot about is networking and making connections with people and really kind of what a small world It is once you start being intentional about who you connect with. And you and I spent most of our professional careers in the same area of the world.

Rob Heller [00:01:58]:
Yes, absolutely.

Tim Newman [00:01:59]:
How about that? With all the people?

Rob Heller [00:02:01]:
Yeah, absolutely. Out in central Pennsylvania.

Tim Newman [00:02:03]:
It's crazy, isn't it? Let's just dive right in. You originally created Boost because you wanted something for your own children. Looking back now, what's the most important lesson your kids taught you about parenting?

Rob Heller [00:02:18]:
That's a great question. How much I don't know, I think, was really how much I needed to learn. Um, I probably— the biggest lesson is that as parents, we tend to stress out over certain things, uh, grades, a friendship, making a team, and we realize as we get older that most of that stuff is irrelevant. It is long forgotten. So I probably Just how irrelevant a lot of our worries as they're growing up, you know, were at the time. That's probably the biggest thing they taught me.

Tim Newman [00:02:52]:
Yeah, that's crazy because, you know, you know, in our conversations, I talk a lot about my kids and my grandkids, like you talk about your kids as well. And my oldest grandchild is a 6-year-old girl. And it's now about the time she, you know, she just got done kindergarten. She's making, you know, those outside type friends. And she's struggling a little bit. And number one, I hate seeing when the kids struggle, but my, my daughter is really upset about it. And I said, you know, honey, she, she's 6. It's, it's going to be okay.

Tim Newman [00:03:24]:
It really, I promise you, it really is. And so, as you, like you said, as you get older, you do get a little bit of a different perspective.

Rob Heller [00:03:32]:
Especially in your points, well taken, with grandkids, because you realize you just view it so differently.

Tim Newman [00:03:37]:
Yeah.

Rob Heller [00:03:37]:
You appreciate all the little things in the, the things that they're seeing and waking up to, it's just, it's just really is amazing. And you just don't stress out about all those things like friendship. You obviously want them to have friends and be able to communicate for sure, but you just don't stress out because, you know, over time that that stuff all works out.

Tim Newman [00:03:57]:
Yeah. And now, you know, it's different from when you and I grew up where, you know, you, you may have had a phone in your house that was either You know, tethered to a wall, or maybe you had a wireless phone. I mean, I remember we didn't get a wireless phone until I got in probably high school that you could walk around the house with. Otherwise, you were stuck to the wall. But it's so different now. What's a mistake that we make as parents when trying to help our kids navigate this whole idea of technology and the cell phones and the iPads and the computers and the And the video games, all these types of things.

Rob Heller [00:04:36]:
Well, I think it's been so widely documented and understood that these are just, for the most part, not helping the next generation. And I do see a shift. I don't know if you see it with your kids raising your grandkids, but there is definitely more self-awareness with this parenting generation of young people. I know even if I have the TV on, my daughter says, Papa, no TV. So, they're definitely more aware. But at the same time, it's not going back and we know just the detrimental effects of technology. They're not developing, obviously, you do a great job talking about speaking and speaking with confidence and public speaking and so forth. And they've just lost that skill because of the phone.

Rob Heller [00:05:22]:
So, the work that you're doing is so important. And it really is important to the next generation because there is a certain point, no matter how much you keep them off technology and keep them away and don't start social media to a certain point, there's going to be a certain point when they're 14 or 15, 16, whatever age it is, where they do have full access to a smartphone. And you just have to make them self-aware of all the detrimental effects of technology. We do a lot of that in the Boost program. We primarily focus in on 14 to 24-year-olds.

Tim Newman [00:05:52]:
Right.

Rob Heller [00:05:53]:
So we really are trying to have that conversation of the detrimental effects of technology. at least are aware because you and I have talked. It's just not, it's not a fair fight for them.

Tim Newman [00:06:01]:
It's not. It's not. And, um, yeah, I think I mentioned when we talked before that, you know, Pennsylvania just passed a law that, uh, no cell phones in schools from bell to bell. Um, what's your, what's your thought and opinion on that? Number one, I think it's great where I've heard some parents are really trying to fight that.

Rob Heller [00:06:21]:
Yeah. So I just want to clarify, I'm not sure if it's an official law yet. I know they're really close and they're talking about it.

Tim Newman [00:06:27]:
Okay.

Rob Heller [00:06:27]:
So to make sure for any Pennsylvania parents out there, just make sure. And I'm not even sure, maybe it was passed, but I think it is great. It really is important. And any— a bunch of high schools that I'm in do limit the cell phone, do, you know, hold the cell phones and they have to give it up in the morning. And when you talk to the students themselves, they actually appreciate it. And you talk to the administrators, they're saying, we We used to have quiet time in cafeterias because everyone's looking at their cell phone. Now, we see laughter in the hallway and they're speaking and they just feel so much better. So absolutely, I think it's crucial.

Tim Newman [00:07:07]:
So what would you tell a parent who is upset about this? Because let's be honest, there is a piece of that where with safety in schools and some of these other issues where I could kind of see the pushback on that, but what would you tell a parent who is adamant that this is not a good idea?

Rob Heller [00:07:28]:
Yeah, look, every parent's different, so I certainly don't want to get into the mind of some parents because they're only coming from a place of love and protection, so I get it. But at the same time, when you kind of weigh the advantages and disadvantages, again, I feel like you that it really should be limited in school. you know, put strict guidelines around that. I mean, if God forbid there is some sort of incident, there are ways to communicate to school. You almost don't want your kid looking at their cell phone in a time of panic. So I think, again, when you look at the advantages and disadvantages, I'm with you and would vote to take it out of school. But again, I understand certain parents' concerns, particularly in the world that we live in. So I get it.

Tim Newman [00:08:10]:
I kind of look at it, you know, it's kind of a fine line between protecting them and preparing them. And that is a fine line. For you, what's that difference between protecting young people and preparing them for life?

Rob Heller [00:08:27]:
Yeah, no, I think that's a great— we spend a lot of time on Boost. So Boost is a program at CREI. It covers 26 separate skills. And one of those is you versus your phone and who wins. Because again, this is again starting in high school. that you're in a battle for your phone. I know it. I'm in a battle almost every day for attention from my phone.

Rob Heller [00:08:47]:
And we really spend a lot of time with the student helping them understand the detrimental effects, that it's addicting, that it's distracting, that it's hurting their attention span, that it's not making— most importantly, it's not making them feel good. And we actually have worksheets where they calculate the time, their awake time on the phone. I know you have screen time apps, but we actually manually do it, and we come up with, okay, there's 24 hours a day, I sleep 8 hours, and there's 16 hours. And then, we figure out out of the 16 awake hours how much time, not only just their phone but gaming, TV, watching videos, et cetera. And, they're astonished when they see that it's 40% of their awake time spending on it. And, they're not left feeling good for the most part. So again, it's really the algorithms are coming at you, there's really smart people behind the technology companies who who they don't even want their own kids on it, that is designed to keep you on there. So again, we spent a lot of time on this.

Rob Heller [00:09:45]:
And the last thing I'll say is it's interesting, we do a survey at the end of it. So we have these 26 skills in the last session. Most of the sessions we do are 8 weeks, but in the last session we outline the 26 skills and they have to tell us which they're good at, which they want to work on. And 70%, 70% come back, the number one thing they want to work on is what they say is their phone addiction. So I think that's telling that this generation even sees it themselves.

Tim Newman [00:10:12]:
Yeah. So how could we— because as I tell people a lot that it's our fault that this is part of the problem, and because we model the behavior as well, right? So what can we do as the adults to help start modeling some of the behaviors that we want our young people to model?

Rob Heller [00:10:35]:
So, it's really— yeah, yeah. No, it starts with just being on your phone. So, I'm much more aware and I'm certainly not perfect. I think a lot of the 26 skills, because I've had good mentors, I'm actually really good at. But the phone is one that I struggle with myself. Again, even being in the presence of my kid, looking down, spending time, you know, when we're sitting around watching TV, you know, everyone's on their phone. So, you really need to be that role model for sure.

Tim Newman [00:11:01]:
Yeah.

Rob Heller [00:11:02]:
at dinnertime, whatever the case may be, really need to be a role model. And I am. I've gotten much better at it. But there's still times that I find myself not being a role model I should as it relates to technology.

Tim Newman [00:11:15]:
Yeah, but it's really kind of hard when pretty much everything we do professionally is screen time. I mean, just look at us right now, right? We're looking at each other through a camera on a computer. And somebody is actually probably going to be listening or watching us through their phone or their computer as well, right? I mean, so everything that we do revolves around this stuff. So, it's not easy to put it aside.

Rob Heller [00:11:43]:
It is not easy to put it aside. And again, it is addicting. There are addicting qualities with the phone that, like any addiction, any drug or alcohol or addicting type behaviors. To me, anytime that you know something's bad and you continue to do it, that's an addiction. And I've spoke to many addiction counselors who, again, treat on, you know, drugs and alcohol, and they absolutely would put it in the category of addiction.

Tim Newman [00:12:10]:
Oh, absolutely.

Rob Heller [00:12:11]:
Yeah, I mean, many times I'm sitting there and you just, whatever it is, you just keep reaching or looking. And again, it's a huge issue that, again, is And many times, look, it's not going away. In the classes we do, we tell students, look, we're not saying you can't use it. You just need to start getting better control of it. And especially at certain times in the morning, at night before you go to bed, not having it in your room. We actually have something called the Boost Bag. I wish I had one available where I created this bag and you can charge it and then zip it up. And there's just something psychological about zipping it up and putting it away.

Rob Heller [00:12:48]:
Yeah. putting it in this boost bag, that's helpful, especially if you need uninterrupted time to work. If I was in high school right now, I don't know how I would do my homework with my phone right there. It would be so hard for me to concentrate. So those are, I think, most importantly, there's crucial times that we really need to put the phone away.

Tim Newman [00:13:07]:
Yeah. And I remember my students would tell me that they study better with music playing. And I was like, okay, you could say that if you want, but you don't. You just don't.

Rob Heller [00:13:23]:
Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:13:23]:
And this was before they had all the kinds of studies that it couldn't happen. And so I couldn't hit him with some of those things. But part of, if we look at our young people today and some of the mental health issues that they're facing, The average teenager has about the— they're experiencing the same types of mental health episodes as a mental health patient in the 1950s, like a hospitalized mental health patient in the 1950s. And to me, that's really concerning because they don't have resilience. They don't have the grit that I think you need to have to be successful. But if you could teach one teenager one mental habit to help them deal with setbacks, what would that be?

Rob Heller [00:14:11]:
Yeah. So that's a really great question, Jim, and I will answer the question. But what's interesting, so when I started Boost 20 years ago, as you said in the opening, for my son, and at that point in time, we had 2 main categories of skill sets. First was people skills, just how you connect with someone and become likable and just develop that relationship. And then character, just being honest and kind and humble. So we really had those 2, I call it legs of the stool. When I brought this back again, 'cause it was a period of time where just I got busy in my business and just didn't have time to dedicate to Boost that I wanted to, and now I'm back at it, I've added that third leg called a healthy mindset. Because again, as you just said, the issues that we're having.

Rob Heller [00:14:49]:
And what was interesting was in speaking to many child psychologists and mental health professionals, there were the same techniques or tools that they would use with all their patients, particularly ones that were struggling. So, my idea was why not bring some of those techniques down to everyone and let everyone see it and have some tools and techniques that they could use so they didn't get into a bad spot. Or if they did, they'd be familiar with the tools. So, to answer your question, there's probably 8 or 9 different skills that we have, but probably the biggest one and really probably would be the phone. So, I would start there. But because we've talked about that, it's just the idea that you have to struggle to grow. Everyone talks about it, but I think it's really important that we talk young people so that they know that life is not easy. There's going to be so many things thrown at you.

Rob Heller [00:15:40]:
There's so many setbacks, but you need to get out of your comfort zone and try new things and experience that. And once you know, like, hey, I'm going through the struggle, but I'm going to get to the other side, I think that's really important and that's been helpful. And it's a lesson that I wish I knew at 15 because it's taken me a lot of years to really understand that. Again, I've had great mentors in my life who taught me a lot of skills.

Tim Newman [00:16:04]:
Yeah. Yeah, it's so, so incredibly important. And, and to be able to, to build that, to understand that life isn't going to be easy, and you've got to be able to have that bounce back. It's, it's—

Rob Heller [00:16:22]:
Yeah, absolutely. We teach a lot. I'm sorry to interrupt. We teach a lot of skills, you know, to realize that there Their brain is designed to go negative, that it's to protect you, that 70% of your thoughts are negative, that it's designed to go negative, to really help reshape their thought process, to think of something more positive, to set goals by writing it down, by creating things to reduce calm, breathing, getting out in nature, things that we really need to teach the next generations, the tools that they need.

Tim Newman [00:16:53]:
To go along with that, to understand that that struggle, that's the learning, that's the growth. It's not the bad stuff. That's taking you from point A to point B. So you have to go through that to get better and to grow.

Rob Heller [00:17:08]:
You have to. You have to go through that. Absolutely. Great point.

Tim Newman [00:17:13]:
Now, I don't want to spend our whole time talking about phones and technology because I think everybody understands how how useful and beneficial they are, but also how damaging they are. But having a normal conversation is so incredibly difficult. What if some teenager came up to you and said, I don't know how to start a conversation?

Rob Heller [00:17:39]:
What would you tell them? Yeah, no, that's actually a really good one, Tim. And that's sometimes I feel certainly technology and phones is a big issue, but I think that may be the the biggest lesson that we teach in Boost, and that you and I know that we are born to connect. We are wired to connect with people, and we need that connection to feel good. And again, the phone and the world that we live in has caused, you know, more isolation. So, I think the biggest thing is to make it about someone else, make it about the other person, not about you.

Tim Newman [00:18:08]:
Yeah.

Rob Heller [00:18:09]:
So, that would include remembering past conversations and bringing up things if they were away or took a family vacation or if someone was sick in their family. As soon as you see them, start running through in your head past conversations and things to bring up. And just sometimes, just a few quick questions just draws someone into you. We like to say we turn the lights off on us and put the spotlight on the other person because we know as soon as someone just— they're not listening to you, they're trying to what we call one-up, which is another skill that we teach where they just want to— can't wait till you're done to talk about themselves or one-up something that you've done, you get turned off. So, that's something I think everyone realizes. And we really spend a lot of time in Boost role-playing and having conversations and actually videotaping them going through that process.

Tim Newman [00:18:59]:
Yeah. Hey, videotaping them and having them watch it back is such an incredible tool because now they can see it. They can see that and feel it and then learn from it. You know, it's—

Rob Heller [00:19:15]:
Absolutely. Yeah, no, we actually in the business world, I did this a lot, particularly with our sales team, particularly the first like 10 minutes of the opening interview. And they hated getting videotaped. They didn't. But once they did it, they're like, wow, I'm playing with my head. You know, I'm doing this. I'm not making eye contact. I'm playing with a pen, you know, whatever it may be.

Rob Heller [00:19:35]:
So once they see themselves, it's amazing. And then it's interesting, they want to do it again because they want to get better at it.

Tim Newman [00:19:40]:
They want to get better at it.

Rob Heller [00:19:41]:
So absolutely, videotaping is crucial.

Tim Newman [00:19:45]:
My youngest daughter, she works in sales and she's really, really good at it. And I was talking to her the other day and she had a big sales meeting here with a company that's here in Hilton Head where I live. And she asked if I knew the company and I didn't. So I pulled up as we're on the phone, I do what I do. I pulled, pulled the website up and I said, oh, you know, who are you meeting with? And first thing she said was, I, I don't really know. I don't. And she— this is somebody who's good at it, right?

Rob Heller [00:20:15]:
Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:20:15]:
How do you not know? I mean, how do you not? How do you not just do—

Rob Heller [00:20:19]:
Rule 101 in sales.

Tim Newman [00:20:22]:
Absolutely. You know, you, you, you figure out who you're meeting with and you find out, as you don't have to spend hours, but we have so many tools with technology, which is part of the issue, right? We have so much access to information. You could 5 or 10 minutes find out 5 or 6 things about somebody that maybe you don't know that you could start a conversation with to build that connection, to build that, again, that connection, which is what 90% of communicating is, is connecting with the other individual.

Rob Heller [00:20:55]:
Absolutely. I used to, again, train our sales team to, at that time before remote, we'd be in the lobby, look around, go into office, see where they went to college, see their kids, if they play lacrosse, you know, whatever it may be. And we actually, it was interesting, had a high school that we were working with said, you know what, Rob, I love the Booth program. It's great, but we want to do an interview process. So, we worked and did a 3-part interview process. And a lot of it was really just teaching the high school students to be prepared. We told them who they were going to interview. We went through 2 stages before they actually met with an adult.

Rob Heller [00:21:30]:
We had an assembly. We talked about 7 skills, the greeting process and eye contact, smiling, all those kinds of things, you know, asking questions, giving a compliment, saying their names. So we covered all those things. Then we had them do the peer-to-peer interviews where they videotaped. And then when they met with an adult, we said, you need to research the person. I gave them all notebooks. They had to research the person, the company, and have some written down questions. And the adults afterwards said, these kids did better than most of the interviews I do in real life.

Rob Heller [00:22:00]:
Because again, they were prepared and it just made the person get, you know, doing the interview. We really— and the last thing I'll say is we say, you interview them as opposed to just sitting back and waiting for the interview. Like, you flip it.

Tim Newman [00:22:13]:
Yeah. And again, I don't want to go too far afield on this, but, you know, I had another conversation with somebody else, you know, about podcasting. And I talk about, let's say you as a guest, we had a pre-interview and they said, well, why do you do that? And I said, well, I do it for a couple of reasons. Number one, to make sure that we could build rapport, to get to know each other, to at least have a little bit of back and forth. Number two, to kind of figure out what we want to talk about and so that we produce a good episode. But number three, I listen to what you say, and then I go and I'll do some other research so that we can go a little bit deeper. This isn't a surface-level type of thing. And when you're doing that for a job, or when you're doing that for a job shadow or a networking event, the way that you're going to stand out is knowing and being able to connect with other people, because most people are not doing those types of things.

Rob Heller [00:23:16]:
Tim, how long does it take you to size someone up when you meet them? Like seconds, right?

Tim Newman [00:23:21]:
Millisecond. Yeah.

Rob Heller [00:23:22]:
Yeah. Millisecond. So, you did such a good job on this pre-interview. Right away, I'm like, I like this guy. Like, this is going to be fun. Like, and again, that's a skill that you've developed and you just have a way about it and asking questions and listening and talk that just made me feel comfortable right out of the gate. I'm like, I could hang with him. So, that it's really, again, I give you a lot of credit for that skill.

Rob Heller [00:23:42]:
And that's really what we— and as you know, it's not that hard. It's not. And you don't have to be an extrovert to do it. Like, you don't have to be. We spend a lot of time with high school students. You could be an introvert. But if you learn these, just these couple skills, it just makes you likable and allows you to have that connection with someone.

Tim Newman [00:24:01]:
And you teed this up really well because, number one, I am an introvert. I truly am a— I hate going to networking events. I hate doing those types of things. But again, that's part of being an adult. It's part of being professional. You've got to do things that, number one, you may not be good at, you may not like. But you said something that's even more important in what you, in your response. We spend a lot of time talking about speaking, but we don't talk about the listening and how rare that is.

Tim Newman [00:24:29]:
But to me, listening is so much more important than the words that come out of your mouth.

Rob Heller [00:24:35]:
Absolutely.

Tim Newman [00:24:35]:
Why has listening become such a, such a rare skill? Yeah.

Rob Heller [00:24:39]:
So look, I think it's always been a difficult skill for people. When I started this 20 years ago, that was one of my main lessons. And this was kind of or technology. I mean, you know, Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, that was written in the early 1900s and they stressed this stuff. And they also said that there should be a high school course on this. So, it's always been an issue. And obviously, again, technology has just exasperated the whole issue. It really, it should become, and particularly in a social media world that everyone's trying to, especially the next generation, they're trying to stand out or one-up.

Rob Heller [00:25:17]:
And it just becomes really difficult. And these are, again, what we try and teach. There's just basic, simple skills that if you learn these things, it just allows you just to— everything becomes better.

Tim Newman [00:25:28]:
Think about this, and this is more direct towards our listeners than necessarily you and me, but think about just a regular conversation that you have with somebody. Let's say you go to the grocery store and I don't know, You're at the produce aisle and you're, you're, you run into somebody and you start to talk about, you know, because I don't know how to pick out ripe fruit. So, so you're going to ask somebody how to pick out ripe fruit and then not listen to what they say.

Rob Heller [00:26:01]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:26:02]:
It's really frustrating.

Rob Heller [00:26:03]:
Yeah. It's just really frustrating. Absolutely. Um, what's interesting though, in this whole conversation, And this would be for the parents out there, is my mother taught me this skill. Whenever we were headed somewhere in the car, going to visit a relative, she would prep me and say, hey, so-and-so did this, or they're moving here, whatever it was. So, when I came into that family situation, I'd have 2 or 3 questions that I could ask. And that's all I needed. And again, it would allow me to be viewed in a certain way.

Rob Heller [00:26:33]:
And that skill carried over because, again, before I'm in an environment, Particularly if I know I'm going to see certain people, it allows me to kind of prep for with just a couple of questions. So again, I think parents can really— that's something they can do subtly to, again, just prep the next generation for that skill.

Tim Newman [00:26:53]:
Yeah, it's critical. I read something the other day, and it starts really at a young age where parents and grandparents who are intentional about reading to their kids at a young age, that has a lot to do with how they build their social skills as well because they learn new words, they have a better vocabulary, they learn better sentence structure and those types of things. So this isn't something that, yes, it's important, like you say, from the 14 to 23-year-old perspective, but what happens before they're 14 is just as critical as well.

Rob Heller [00:27:37]:
Absolutely. No question. It's huge. I have a daughter that's a speech pathologist, so I'm constantly reading to the granddaughter. She's there every day. I love that.

Tim Newman [00:27:49]:
But what's the long-term cost to a young person who graduates with a degree but never learns communication, accountability, resilience, Relationship building, those types of things.

Rob Heller [00:28:00]:
It's everything. We know, Tim, that employers basically are saying 85% of what we're looking for is soft skills, which I know you spend a lot of time talking about. So, if it's 80%, that's not like 40% or 50%. That's 85% that are saying we can teach someone the technical. We can teach them how to hammer, nail, or use this software, whatever it may be. It's 85% is what they're looking for is these other skills. So why are we— why is that? That's kind of, again, how you start. Why is there not a course that teaches these skills starting in high school? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Tim Newman [00:28:35]:
It doesn't make any sense at all. So let's actually talk about it. Your book is called The Missing Course for Today's Youth. Why have we spent decades adding more and more academic content while removing many of the skills that actually determine Our success? Yeah.

Rob Heller [00:28:53]:
Look, I don't have, I don't have a, a great answer for that. You know, clearly a lot of it is, you know, in certain ca— look, we, we need to do well academically. We all, we know you need to be able to write and do math and, and, and, and that, and be able to be more curious to learning. So we get that. And with standardized testing, there is tremendous pressure on the schools to, uh, have a baseline of certain tests to keep funding going. And, to be thought of, well thought of as a school. So I get the pressure that schools are under, but it just doesn't make sense to me. You know, the BOOSE program can be taught in an hour a week and really help someone so that you can't tell me that you can't fit an hour a week into the curriculum to teach these skills that are so important.

Rob Heller [00:29:36]:
They're just going to help them throughout their whole life.

Tim Newman [00:29:38]:
Yeah. And what it also does in terms of, you know, classroom management from a teacher perspective, classroom behavior, the whole idea of how we treat each other. It's so much more than just how to communicate. It's much bigger than that.

Rob Heller [00:30:00]:
Yeah. We've talked about people skills. We've talked about healthy mindset, but we spent a lot of time on character. So just apologizing quickly and sincerely, just as you know, it just cuts it off when you just, my bad, when you just do it. To say thank you, but do it with enthusiasm, not just the fact to let them know I really appreciate, you know, doing that. To not gossip, which has become a big one. And it's actually the second most one that the next generation wants to work on, which kind of surprised me. So it's just basic character, being kind, being humble, being humble, which is so hard.

Rob Heller [00:30:31]:
So we cover a lot of character issues, which is helping with behavioral issues.

Tim Newman [00:30:36]:
Right.

Rob Heller [00:30:36]:
And it's also what I've found is the BOOST program has helped with student engagement because students are saying like, Do I really, like, especially in an AI world, do I really need to memorize all this stuff on the, you know, the War of 1812? And again, I'm a big believer in academics, but they understand that in today's world, these skills are more important and they want to get better at it. And that's what all the surveys that we're seeing after the fact, that they really want, they crave this stuff.

Tim Newman [00:31:05]:
Yeah, they do. You mentioned the whole idea of accountability, which to me is one of the top things that really needs to be addressed in society, not just from young people, but everybody, top to bottom. But from a young person's perspective, why does accountability create confidence instead of destroying it?

Rob Heller [00:31:30]:
Yeah, it's just so important to just say, that was my fault, or I could have done better. It just diffuses everything because otherwise, again, whoever you're dealing with or talking to, or if it's an adult, just gets madder when excuses are made and blaming everyone else. It just gets you madder. And as soon as you say, my bad, and I could have done better, and here's what I learned, it just, you know, you just feel so much better about that person. I see it even with my older son, who, again, that's who I started the booth program. It's one of the things I'm most proud is that when, again, something isn't going right, he just says, you know what, Dad, I messed up, or here's what I learned. I'm going to do better next time. And you can tell he really means it.

Rob Heller [00:32:14]:
And that just means the world to me. And I tell him that's what I'm most proud of. I mean, so I'm proud of a lot of things, but that's one of the things I'm most proud of.

Tim Newman [00:32:23]:
And a lot of times we think about accountability from the negative aspect or This is what I messed up, but also being able to see, this is what I did right. This is what I did that I know actually worked. And so I need to remember that as well. But taking accountability for the mess-ups, that's something that as soon as you do it, you can start to move forward. You can fix it.

Rob Heller [00:32:49]:
Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:32:49]:
The more you fight it, the longer it takes to to address it and move forward. And that doesn't— that goes from a business world, it goes from your personal relationships, it goes for everything. You screw up, hey, that's on me, and you move forward. I mean, think about how— people don't hear this, but before I started the recording, I say stupid stuff all the time, but I just let it roll. Right? And, but it's— it just is what it is. And You become such a— it's such a weight lifted off of your chest if you just say, you know what? Hey, screwed it up.

Rob Heller [00:33:29]:
Yeah, you feel better. That's a great point. Our lesson of that is called apologize quickly and sincerely. The quicker you apologize and with more sincerity, it just diffuses everything. My kids learned this at a young age when they'd fight or they'd blame. When they just said, Dad, my bad, it's like There's nowhere else to go with this. Like, you may want to make one more comment. Yeah, you're right.

Rob Heller [00:33:50]:
But then you're done. Like, there's nowhere else to go with it versus the other. You're just, and it just turns into a battle. So the quicker you can do it with more sincerity, just the better.

Tim Newman [00:33:58]:
That's it, man. It's, I love it. What if, if somebody is feeling stuck right now, what's one skill they can start building today that would have the biggest impact on their future?

Rob Heller [00:34:09]:
Yeah. So I think it's the connection with people. I think that's clearly missing. It's the whole world isn't feeling as connected. Even though we have more friends through technology, there's clearly less connection. So, I think just understanding, again, we said it before, that you were wired to connect. Think about the times that you just feel good. It's like when you're with your family or friends and you just have those connections.

Rob Heller [00:34:34]:
So, I think it's that skill that allows you to connect with someone and have conversations. So I think that's, again, the biggest one that we just need to work on and teach the next generation.

Tim Newman [00:34:46]:
Yeah. So the BOOST program, you've got 26. What are a couple others that have a— we don't have time to go through all 26 of them. I wish we did. But what are a couple of others that have a, that in your opinion, have a huge impact on a young person's future besides connection?

Rob Heller [00:35:05]:
Yeah. So these are really basic, but I'll give you 2 in the people skills category. Just a Great greeting again.

Tim Newman [00:35:12]:
Oh yeah.

Rob Heller [00:35:13]:
I think most people know the handshake and eye contact, and certainly that's important that you got to do that. But just an enthusiastic greeting where you're smiling, where you're excited to see them. It's just everyone that does that to me, it just, I feel so much closer to them. So just a great greeting, enthusiastic smiling, I think is important. And a basic one that, again, this goes back to Dale Carnegie, saying someone's name.

Tim Newman [00:35:36]:
Yes.

Rob Heller [00:35:37]:
It's just so easy. And Dale Carnegie said, someone's name is the sweetest word in the human language. I know I get upset when there's somebody I know, they say Rob, and I just can't remember their name. And I really get mad at myself and spend the whole conversation trying to remember their name, whispering to someone else, what's their name? Because it gets me so mad when I say their name and someone I've met multiple times and they don't say my name back. I just had it happen to me yesterday. Say, hey, buddy, I've met this guy, you know, 50 times. So just, it's a, it's an easy one.

Tim Newman [00:36:14]:
It really, it really is. And, you know, what I found is as I get older, it's becoming harder. And, and, and so you got to have, you got to have ways to, to remember it. And I, you know, some of the things that I do is, you know, for podcasts and stuff, it's easy. But when I'm out in the wild, you know, actually talking to real people, you know, live and in person, if I meet somebody, as soon as, you know, we separate or go, I go on my phone and I write it down and I list a couple of things, right? So just so that I don't forget, right? And And it's so important because you talk about shining a light on them as opposed to on you the next time you see them.

Rob Heller [00:37:06]:
That's a great technique, Tim. That's really smart to do that, to write it down, think of a couple things. And you're right, as we get older, there's certain people I can't even begin to think. I don't remember because I definitely, you know, and it takes me a minute. So, it's definitely more of a challenge as you get older. I certainly I feel that.

Tim Newman [00:37:23]:
And I had a conversation with, um, uh, uh, he wasn't FBI, uh, he was either CIA or Secret Service, I can't remember. But, um, he, he's done more polygraphs than anybody else in the history of our government. His name is Brad Beeler. He was on the, on the, uh, podcast a month or two ago, and he talked about what he did for when he met somebody in terms of a handshake. What he said he does is every morning he sprays deodorant on his hand so it never sweats. He'll rub his leg or sit on his hand just before he meets somebody so that it's warm, so it's not cold. And he's got a specific angle that he comes in and does a handshake. And so that it's a good, solid handshake.

Tim Newman [00:38:17]:
And he says, you know, especially from his perspective and doing what he does, you know, that handshake takes people, lowers their guard, and how he introduces himself and how important that is. And so, you know, we forget about the little things, the eye contact, the handshake, the, like you said, the saying the name and how important those Those little pieces truly are.

Rob Heller [00:38:45]:
Yeah. And I think the issue we spend a lot of time with eye contact on, I think for the most part, at least the students we're teaching have pretty good eye contact. You know, maybe 30, 40% need some help. But just also, again, just looking at your phone when you're having a conversation, you just can't do that. You can't do that. So those little things, as you keep saying, are just, they're crucial. And they're not that hard. And once you do it, you usually get good and then you're good at it.

Tim Newman [00:39:13]:
Yeah. And let me, I say little things, but they're not little things. I don't want to diminish them because they're really big things, but they're little things that we can do that make a big impression or make a big impact on other people. Yeah.

Rob Heller [00:39:29]:
So, and I want to switch gears a little bit here. I'm going to ask you a question. So, you spent a lot of time talking about soft skills. And that again is huge. And it's a big, not a buzzword. And we know overall high level that these are more human skills than the technical skills of the job. What's interesting, I've spent a lot of time thinking that this is going to be the next book, is that when you look at soft skills and you actually go into like any AI system and say, give me the top 10, most, you usually get the same things. You get leadership, conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, time management.

Rob Heller [00:40:02]:
You get the same things. But what I've really thought about a lot lately is that most of those skills are hard, as we know. They're not easy, but it's made up of a bunch of little things that those are what we're trying to do. So it's almost like Boost is the 101 course so that you can get to the more extensive ones. So for example, leadership, you can't be a good leader if you're not empathetic, if you don't listen and ask questions, if you don't smile, if you don't have a great— if you're not honest. So really spending a lot more time with schools talking about a curriculum where, hey, let's start with the 101 skills and then go to 201 because you've also been in corporate America and been through leadership training and conflict resolution. And you're looking at the next guy and you're like, they're not going to be able to do it because they don't have the basic skills.

Tim Newman [00:40:50]:
Right.

Rob Heller [00:40:50]:
So, again, it's spending a lot more time thinking about Let's really define what soft skills are and have a program to teach them over multiple steps. Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:41:03]:
Yeah. And I, you know, for me, the one thing that I truly hang my hat on is the whole idea of listening. If we speak like we're correct, but listen like we're wrong, we may actually learn something.

Rob Heller [00:41:20]:
I like that.

Tim Newman [00:41:21]:
I like that. And then ask, you take that and then you, if, because if you're listening to what somebody says and you're truly listening to understand, then you can ask better follow-up questions to really get at the heart or the root of whatever it is that you're dealing with, that you're talking about, to be able to help an individual, to be able to move a project forward, to fix a budget issue, whatever it is. Because if you're not actually listening, then you're never going to get to what the issue is.

Rob Heller [00:41:52]:
Yeah, that's so true on so many different levels. Again, one of the 26 skills is empathy. And we really talk about, hey, you're not— with empathy, you're not trying to fix the problem or give them advice right away, but really listen and follow up questions. Because that's when, again, that's really what someone's looking for. Someone listening and let them know that you hear them. That we actually say 2 versions of hear, that you're here for them. You know, next that you hear them. So again, those are just, again, a great point.

Rob Heller [00:42:21]:
It just covers so many bases.

Tim Newman [00:42:23]:
It really does. And from a technology perspective, you know, we talk about that whole idea of eye contact and listening and smiling. But it's also so important to do that in this type of situation, in the technological or digital digital space. And I talk about that probably not nearly as much as I should, but the whole idea of eye contact, even though you're not making necessary eye contact, but you're looking at the camera and the person on the other side feels that you're with them and you're paying attention to them. What are your thoughts on that?

Rob Heller [00:43:03]:
So again, a great point. So when the pandemic first hit and I was again still in the business world, we used to do training. In fact, I hired a a consultant to teach us how to do virtual calls and really talked about it because everyone would be looking down and just those basic human skills. What's interesting, and most of the stuff we're talking about are basic skills, we get it, most adults get it. But what I've also spent a lot of time recently is the— and I don't want to sound too far out there, but the chemicals in our body and how that affects us. So, there's a big acronym, DOSE. Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. And these are chemicals within our body that give us a quick hit of feeling good depending upon different situations.

Rob Heller [00:43:47]:
And that's, again, why it's so important to at least understand it. And technology has hurt us, that a lot of these little things, the connection, the greeting, the smiling, the eye contact, actually gives you this quick hit of one of those chemicals and makes you feel good. And when you start stacking those on top of each other, That's when you really feel good. So I really, when I'm kind of not feeling it, I've really doubled down on some of these things to connect, to ask, to be kind, to be— because it just makes me feel better. And I know that.

Tim Newman [00:44:19]:
Yeah. And the flip side of that. So let's just say you're talking with somebody and let's say you get a text message, you get the dopamine hit. But when you look away from me and look at your phone for that dopamine hit. I get the opposite. I get the pain chemical.

Rob Heller [00:44:39]:
Yes, absolutely.

Tim Newman [00:44:40]:
That's what you— I mean, you got to remember.

Rob Heller [00:44:42]:
No, that's so true. That's really true, particularly in the mental health, which is also reducing the cortisol that runs through our body. So there's no question that that's just understanding how those chemicals work. And I read a great book on this because it really said, like, of our whole history, we always did hard things and were outside and played outside and were in communities and connected, and we've kind of lost that. So these chemicals are just out of balance right now.

Tim Newman [00:45:11]:
Yeah, they are. They really are. It's so bad. Rob, if people listening today are thinking to themselves, we need more of this for our kids in our schools— so I don't know how they cannot be thinking that, but maybe there's some— Where can they learn more about the BOOST Program, connect with you, and pick up a copy of your book?

Rob Heller [00:45:29]:
Yeah. So, I think if you go to boostprogram.com, not I think, if you go to boostprogram.com, there's a ton of information. You can actually see a spot to buy the book, to connect. My emails are heller@boostprogram.com. Anyone that wants to, and I love having these conversations just like you. So, I'd be happy to talk to anyone, particularly in a school or in administration about what we're doing. There's different ways we can do it. Bring in a trained BOOST coach to your school or certify someone on staff if they're already good at these skills and you think to learn.

Rob Heller [00:46:02]:
I'm creating a community to teach these soft skills to the next generation. So, there's a bunch of different ways that they could connect. And again, I think by going to boostprogram.com is a good starting point.

Tim Newman [00:46:13]:
Now, I'll put that in the show notes with your email address. They have it. Rob, thank you so much for spending some time with us today. I really do appreciate it. I love what you're doing. Keep up the good work.

Rob Heller [00:46:25]:
Yeah, I feel the same way about you, Tim. Again, it's great stuff that you're doing. And again, this has been a great conversation, so I really appreciate it.

Tim Newman [00:46:32]:
Thanks so much. We'll talk to you soon. Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com to get your free ebook, Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers and How to Overcome Them. You can also register for the Formula for Public Speaking course. Always remember, your voice has the power to change the world. We'll talk to you next time. Take care.