The Power of Connection with Greg Bennick

Tim Newman: 0:37

Welcome to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that’s here to help you unlock the power of effective public speaking. I’m your host, tim Newman, and I’m excited to take you on a journey to become a better public speaker. I really appreciate each and every one of our listeners and thank you for your support. If each of you could do one thing for me, that would be to give us a five-star review and share the podcast with someone close to you who would benefit from listening. Today’s guest is Greg Benick. Greg is a world-class speaker, best-selling author, film producer and global event host, whose ideas have inspired tens of thousands of people to take new approaches to productivity, focus, inspiration and personal development. He engages with audiences in conversations that span borders, appearing on 27 in 27 countries and counting. His new book is titled Reclaim the Moment Seven Strategies to Build a Better Now. His documentaries have been winning awards since 2003 and have been screened on all seven continents. Greg, welcome to the show.

Greg Bennick: 1:39

Thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited and I think it’s going to be great.

Tim Newman: 1:43

Yeah, me too. You come from a variety of experiences and I can’t wait to get into it and really talk about how you know all those experiences really kind of inform you know how you deal with people, how you communicate with people and build relationships. Before we even start getting into that, let’s talk about the documentary about Seattle’s infamous Teen Dance Ordinance. As I was coming across this, the first thing that hit me, before even really looked into it, was you and I are about the same age and the first thing I thought about was Kevin Bacon and I just lost the move. Is Kevin Bacon and Footloose, yeah, footloose, yeah. Talk about the ordinance and how you did this documentary and you know your involvement in changing that law so that people could actually, you know, have access to the arts in Seattle.

Greg Bennick: 2:47

Sure. So the Teen Dance Ordinance was a law that was on the books for many years in Seattle and it was during a time when there was a panic about morality and the thought was that dancing would lead to immoral behavior, Music would lead to moral behavior. Basically, the law was created to protect our youth. Now, before I say anything else, everyone wants to protect, Everyone wants youth to be safe. There’s no one in the world who wakes up in the morning, I hope, and says that they want youth to be in danger or engaged in immoral activities. But in Seattle it was taken to an extreme and the Teen Dance Ordinance was a law that was enacted which made it basically impossible for any concerts or any dances to take place in the city.

Greg Bennick: 3:34

And my interest was in the concert side. There aren’t many dances, I mean, that’s something which kind of has disappeared since the 1950s. Concerts were the thing that I was most interested in, because I have a background in music, playing bands, and when I moved to Seattle it was at the height of Nirvana’s Nevermind album, so we’re talking 1990. And the entire world was focused on Seattle as a mecca for music, essentially. But all ages concerts, meaning concerts where anyone could go were illegal in the city technically and the law was incredibly restricted. And my friends and I decided to fight the law, and it was one of these. Uh, I fought the law and we won. Rather, I fought the law and the law won.

Greg Bennick: 4:22

Uh, through an incredible process that involved a number of different certainly not just me we were able to get that law overturned and replaced with and this is where the me component comes in with a law that my friend Dave and I so the law that exists on the books in the city of Seattle, the All Ages Dance Ordinance, is a law that my friend Dave and I actually wrote and submitted to the city through a long process and the city passed it.

Greg Bennick: 4:47

It’s a pretty interesting story and there’s been a podcast made about it by a guy named Jonathan and he worked at KUOW and PR. At podcasts we can put a link to it, of course show notes. Anybody would be fascinated to hear the story of the teen dance ordinance and how, ultimately, a law that was designed to protect our youth pushed youth out in the street into dangerous situations, Because when there was no concerts to attend, kids had nowhere to go and they had nothing to do. And when kids have nowhere to go and nothing to do, that’s when they might get into trouble. Not will, but might, and it was pretty ironic.

Tim Newman: 5:24

Yeah, and it’s kind of funny that you know, yes, they’re trying to protect people, but didn’t really even think it through. That’s the funny piece, and you know, on the other side of it that’s also an example of if things aren’t right, there’s a process to go through and change it, to make it right or make it better for not just for you, but for the community.

Greg Bennick: 5:51

Yeah, and what was interesting about the process overall and the takeaway for listeners is there’s very likely listeners who are like, okay, that’s great, seattle’s 3,000 miles from me. If I live in Miami or Orlando, why should I care about Seattle? Or I don’t go to concerts. We’re recording this on election and, regardless of what side of the aisle you sit, people can make a difference. So the teen dance ordinance story is one about empowerment, one about community and one about drawing people together and, yes, one about protecting youth, but doing so by way of inviting youth to creative possibilities that they will engage with if you give them the opportunity. So that’s it.

Tim Newman: 6:38

Absolutely so. Let’s talk about your speaking journey, and I’ve heard you tell a story about what is called the pinball incident and how that kind of traumatized you, and if you want to get into that, that’s fine. But when did your speaking journey start, where you knew that you were going to be good at it, that you really had a message and you could share that message and people received?

Greg Bennick: 7:05

it? That’s a great question. Okay, so there’s a couple of different angles here. So I’ll tell the pinball story. And it’s not so traumatic that I’m going to have to call the therapist as I’m recording. But the pinball story was instrumental and it’s not so traumatic that I’m going to have to call the therapist as I’m recording.

Greg Bennick: 7:15

But the pinball story was instrumental and basically what happened was that I was a kid and I mean a little kid, maybe seven or so, I’m not remembering the month but there was a community center near where I lived and there was a pinball machine line and, long story short, I was standing in front of the pinball machine without orders to play. That was a little kid and I was standing next to the machine pretending to play and some older kids came in to the arcade older, you know, teenagers and they started to come over to this pinball machine for us. I decided to kind of turn sideways and step in between two pinball machines. So I’m standing here in between the two now, looking at the side of the pinball machine as these older kids surround the machine. Well, they started playing and I started realizing that I couldn’t get out, meaning one way out into the wall, the other way out, into these big kids, and big kids are scary when they’re six, seven, eight years old. So I didn’t know how to get out. But I also was too nervous and shy to ask them to move so I could get out. And I think I was looking up at one of these kids, these wide eyes not knowing what to do, and he looked down and he’s like, want to get out, and I was like, uh, and they all kind of laughed, you know, and they let me out.

Greg Bennick: 8:30

Okay, not too traumatic, but traumatic later in reflection because while it was intimidating, what I reflected about later on was, wow, I didn’t have a set of thoughts In terms of speaking confidence I had neither. I couldn’t speak, I didn’t have the confidence to speak. I couldn’t get out of that situation and it was really an intimidating moment that I reflected on quite often in life and my you know my mom was a speaker. My mom is a very gifted and growing up my mom was always speaking, either when she was an aerobics instructor in class, inspiring people to push themselves past physical limits, or she would talk about exercise, different organization. She was always inspiring, but I never heard her speak until later in life.

Greg Bennick: 9:16

I’ll get into that story in a bit, but I realized early on that I had a propensity and ability to speak. When I was in middle school, ish, and I was joining a date club and speaking extemporaneous like I’m doing now, uh, came very easy. It it wasn’t hard to put thoughts together and form a cohesive structure to arguments and I thought, wow, this is cool, I’m good at this and it was all genetic. So I thank my mom for paving the way. So thank mom paving the way. So thank mom, if we have a chance in this, uh, in the podcast, I’d be happy to tell the story.

Tim Newman: 9:59

The first time I saw my mom speak much, much later in life and mind bogged it was quite yeah, tell a story about your mom because you know I I think sometimes you know the my audience is essentially young professionals. They don’t really have been given a whole lot of thought about things that have shaped them or who they are or the power that people close to us, such as parents or guardians or mentors, really have. And when we see you, like you being a little bit older in life, how do you really treasure and reflect back on how important those people are and what they’ve actually taught?

Greg Bennick: 10:39

us. So I’ll tell you the story of my mom. She was living in Virginia. My parents were living in Virginia they’re rural and I was coming to visit and my mother said I mean all five foot one, I think she was four coming to visit and my mother said I mean all five foot one, thanks for it, but it’s with my feet of. My mom was saying I’m so happy that you’re gonna. I have a speaking and I’m afraid I’ve never actually seen you speak. I’ve seen you and you know talk. I’ve heard you talk about speak. I’ve never seen you speak. And she said well, it’s sold, but I can get you in. I thought sold out, what are you even talking about? So it was indeed sold out. It was at the local hospital. It was 150 or 200 tickets available at $1.50 or $2 each and it sold them all. And my mom was speaking on exercising.

Greg Bennick: 11:34

So the day that the event comes, go to the event. My mother’s like walking around and keeping all of her friends and being cute, amazing and just fun and lighthearted and whatnot. And I’m in the back of the room watching these people pour in. It was standing room only for my mom and they introduced her. She walks to the front of the room and they said please welcome, and she’s giving it to friends please welcome, diane Bennett. She turned around, thought after literally five seconds, before we’re giving it to friends, and said if you don’t exercise as you, your peers and friends are going to read about you in the newspaper when they find you at the bottom of the stairs. Now what you need to realize is that her audience was all senior citizens. It was people in their seventies, eighties and nineties and my mom’s opening line is if you don’t exercise, your bones will be weak, you’ll fall down the stairs and die, and they’ll read about the paper.

Greg Bennick: 12:26

I thought oh, my gosh, what is even happening here? She proceeds to do 90 minutes of a combination of fun stories, intensity. It was like literally four feet and 11 inches of my mom as Tony Robbins and drill sergeant combined and at the end, every single person in that room ready to sit up and push up, including. It was unreal. And at the end of 90 minutes she thanks, the audience starts waving at her friends walked off the stage and goes back. Mom, incredible. And I thought to myself oh, wow, okay, all my years on stage and bands and microphone and mic, all of a sudden makes sense. That’s where. That’s where I got it.

Tim Newman: 13:09

That’s amazing, it really is. So my wife is short, she’s four seven. She says she’s four nine, she’s not, she’s four seven. And you know when, when you have somebody of that stature, right, that physical stature, and they can command a room like that, it’s a drop of a hat, that is. That is. It’s amazing, it’s eyeopening and it’s really powerful Very powerful.

Greg Bennick: 13:35

Well, it’s amazing. You know presidential candidates not to even bring today into it, but presidents and presidential candidates and CEOs are often tall. Right, we equate height with power and it’s ridiculous. I mean, my mom is this shorter, less height filled person I don’t know the best way to say it, Let me not very tall, and she commanded that. She commanded that room with ideas and impact power. Anybody, including me, who had underestimated her going in certainly didn’t.

Tim Newman: 14:06

And you know it’s so important. You said she commanded it with ideas and if it doesn’t matter how, how smart you are, if you can’t communicate your ideas, it just doesn’t matter. You could have, you could have the best ideas, but if you can’t communicate it, you’re going to be at the bottom.

Greg Bennick: 14:27

It’s interesting that you mentioned that because years ago I produced a documentary called the Philosopher. It was put out by a film company called Transcendental Media, southern California, and the Philosopher Kings was about wisdom seen through the eyes of custodians prestigious Americans. So, as a producer, my job was to find custodians who had a compelling story and the ability to tell it. So I called Dartmouth, princeton, yale, harvard, get the MIT and what not, and I asked to speak to members of their custodial staff to find out who had the most insight and wisdom and impact, along with the story they could tell Clearly. Well, there was a combination of responses. There were people with amazing stories who couldn’t communicate and people with completely mundane stories who could communicate them mildly. Neither of which is what we’re looking for. We’re looking for the magical combination. Oh right, and out of interviewing 40 to 60 people I can’t remember how many exactly it was I mean there were people who would you know I’d get on the phone. Oh, dramatic, I’m so excited for this story.

Greg Bennick: 15:28

The biggest operative moment of my entire life was when I put staples in that stapler. It was so great. I’m like wait what? And then there were other people who would say things like yeah, and then you know after I yes, everest, you know, whatever. It was cool. Wait a minute, everest. It was cool, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So I had to find the people who had a compelling story and the dynamic voice to tell it, because, whether you are taller, whether this or this condition, having the ability to speak effectively, strength and clarity, is really powerful and it’s something most definitely helpful.

Tim Newman: 16:09

And again, it takes practice. It’s not something well, for most people it takes practice. It’s not something that just happens and takes. It takes work and takes practice. It’s not something, well, for most people. It takes practice. It’s not something that just happens and takes. It takes work and takes time. I agree, let’s shift gears and talk about some actionable things that their audience can do.

Tim Newman: 16:30

And I got your book, and people that know me know when I buy a book I’ve got a real problem. I don’t read the book from start to finish. I open it up and I find a chapter Well, I think I’m going to start here and then I’m going to jump over to here. And I’m going to jump over to here. And so you didn’t tell me to start from the beginning and read through, so I didn’t.

Tim Newman: 16:53

I started at chapter nine, where you talk about building relationships. You know, for me, I think, with all the talk of AI that we hear nonstop every day, to me it’s still about relationships. I don’t care, no matter what happens, everything that we do is going to come down to personal relationships, and if we can’t build personal relationships, we’re not going to be successful. I say that if we can’t do this, we’re not going to be successful. If we can’t do that, we’re not going to be successful, and it really does take, I think, a combination of all these things to do that. So talk a little bit about relationships. But how do we go about building strong relationships? Because, again, that doesn’t just happen, we don’t just. You know. Okay, I met you today and all of a sudden you know we’re best buds. How do you go about building strong?

Greg Bennick: 17:44

relationships. I think one of the most important things pay attention to people. I think, in an increasingly distracted paying attention to people and I talk about this in the book that we want to feel as though, as though we are valuable contributors to something and when we can allow somebody to feel, or help or inspire someone to feel that we’re going to make a stronger connection. If I just sit here and talk at like you are pixels on a screen, you’re going to know it, you’re going to feel it. There’s going to be no bond and no. But if I’m listening to you, paying attention to you and really actually willing, excited, able and excited diving into connecting with you, you’re going to know it and you’re going to feel it.

Greg Bennick: 18:30

Okay, does that mean we have to do that every single person we meet? It’s going to be chow, but if we keep applying that mindset to our connections, we’re going to build stronger relationships. It’s just going to happen when we pay attention to people, when we listen to what they’re saying, when we listen between the words, when we offer insight into what might support, help or elevate, not because there’s something in it for us, but because the relationship will be stronger as a result. We create space for possibility. Ultimately, that’s what the entire book is about creating space for possibility, and we do that certainly through relationships. So I think an actionable point is pay attention, connect with them by paying attention to them, helping them feel as though they matter, because hopefully, in the moment you’re connecting with them, they do, they matter to you and if they do, they’re going to feel.

Tim Newman: 19:24

You’re 100% right and you said something. You said the word listening a couple of times. And you said something. You said the word listening a couple of times, and I think listening is something that is so often overlooked. And again, we’re doing this on election day, right and not to get political, but we are so divided and the left doesn’t ever listen to the right. The right doesn’t ever listen to the left, and my issue is if you would just listen to the other side, you may learn something. You may actually, you know, get an understanding of why they think this or why they think that or why they want to do whatever, but listening in terms of building relationships, like you said, not listening so that you can respond, but listening to understand and listening to whoever’s talking. What they actually mean, is so important.

Greg Bennick: 20:24

I agree with you. Years ago not too many years ago, about 10 years ago I did a spoken word speaking tour of Ukraine and never been done before. I don’t think anyone’s done it since. I can’t imagine anyone’s going to do it now, but I did a 21 dates of speaking across Ukraine, russia, your wallows in Russia, every night.

Greg Bennick: 20:44

As part of what I did was explaining to people that, growing up in the United States, we always thought that the Russians were going to bomb us if we turned our backs on them. And every single night, audiences across Russia, from all the way in the West to all the way in the East, thought that was the most ridiculous thing they’d ever heard. People said we didn’t want to bomb you, you wanted to bomb us. And we would sit there and have a moment of realization in which it came quite clear that fear among and the messages we were receiving all along from news, from politics, whatnot had created in us an inability to see the other yes, other than as an enemy. And that’s exactly along the lines of what you said, what we have, going on To the point where we cannot even say the word politics without a disclaimer, the one you offered, for example.

Greg Bennick: 21:38

I would have done the same thing. You know, not to get political, but hey, let me make this Because we want to soften the blow in case we come across as adversarial. Realistically, the Russians thought it was ridiculous that they thought they wanted to bomb, I mean. But if you were, you know, alive in the 80s or the 90s, you know, you absolutely thought the point is more the 80s and earlier. But the point is that there’s a lot of room to make connections. We just have to find common ground beyond what the media is serving every single day.

Tim Newman: 22:14

Yeah, I would say part of that is turn the TV off. Turn the TV off, put your phone down, put social media away and actually have a conversation with a real human person.

Greg Bennick: 22:25

Yep, absolutely. I have a good friend who lives in Michigan. He and I couldn’t be farther apart on the political spectrum, like we literally were voting for two different people today, for two completely different reasons, and platform points that we’re, you know, voting on are completely different. I read posts on social media and I want to write to him and say, come on, you don’t really. You know really, and of course he doesn’t, because he’s repeating what he’s been told, just as if I was to, you know, type out the party line of my voting choices. I I’m repeating what I’ve been told, what I would love to do sometime and I plan to sit down with them and just say, hey, let’s talk about, like not with our friends around their phone, not because we’re going to post about this, not recording it. Let’s actually talk about this. Because one thing I’ve learned you know I mention all the time in my introduction Greg Menick’s 27 countries, spoken in 27. Hooray, what have I learned from the 27?

Greg Bennick: 23:22

I’ve learned and I write about this in the book that ultimately we all want the same. We want to know that we matter, yes, and that we’re vital contributors to something meaningful. We want our kids to be safe, be healthy. We want to move over our head, we want to have something to eat. We want to have clean water. Go to Haiti, be in the jungle, Go to Siberia, go anywhere in Europe, go to Japan, anywhere, and ask people what do you really want? What do you really want most? And if they’re away from their boss or their spouse, their kids, whatever, their parents, they’re going to say basically what I just said I want a safe place to live. I want to be able to afford things that I want. I want to be healthy. I want clean water. In a lot of places I’ve been to, there are commonalities, points through which we can make connections with basically everyone on this planet who are willing to do the work to find those.

Tim Newman: 24:17

Exactly, Exactly, I mean, you nailed it. You’re exactly right. You know, I haven’t been around the world nearly as much as you have, but the places I’ve been around the world nearly as much as you have, but the places I’ve been. That’s it. You nailed it.

Greg Bennick: 24:40

And it doesn’t matter. You know the all walks of life in different countries as well Same thing you know in various forms, right, in various forms you’re going to talk to people and get different answers, but they’re all going to be in that same wheelhouse Meaning. You know, people in Seattle today are not thinking to themselves I need to have clean water. Well, that’s because the water is clean. Go talk to folks in Flint, michigan, and they’re going to say clean water, but the action is the same we want water, whether we have it already or need it. That’s just the thing that we need. There’s points and ways to connect people that we often do away with and, uh, could be doing less of the doing away, especially during times we find exactly.

Tim Newman: 25:19

You know, I don’t think I’ve ever talked to anybody that says you know, I don’t want clean air, don’t want it, don’t want clean water, can’t exactly, exactly, yeah, these things aren’t important.

Greg Bennick: 25:28

I want, I want the, I want the world to blow up in a, in a firestorm of pollution. That would really make my day.

Tim Newman: 25:34

It’s but but yeah, well, we’ll, we’ll, we’ll move on from this. You know um it it. It’s crazy. You know what we, what we think when we have our TV on and we’re looking at social media and we get caught up in that, but anyway, so what do you mean by being the driver of relationship culture instead of simply being a passenger?

Greg Bennick: 26:00

Well, I think exactly what we’ve been talking about.

Greg Bennick: 26:03

If you’re a passenger in relationship culture, you’re going to end up falling in line with what you sold, what you’re offered, what you’re told, and I’m entirely convinced we can do better.

Greg Bennick: 26:15

I’m entirely convinced we can do better, meaning I’m entirely convinced that the ways to connect with people that are offered to me by liking their posts, by commenting on their posts, by sharing their posts are a start, but they’re not that’s. You know, if we want to be drivers of relationship culture, we need to reach beyond just click like, click, share, click, comment. We need to actually make connections, and that doesn’t necessarily mean throw out your social media. It means that even in using social media, there’s ways to connect more thoroughly and concretely, and I think that that’s a way to be a driver is to actually use social media, use the affordances that we have to actually make deeper connections. I think that the connections we have are superficial when we’re driving relationships and connection. Take the time to listen, take the time to pay connection, take the time to listen, take the time to pay attention, take the time to ask questions.

Tim Newman: 27:16

Yeah, and it’s funny you say that I spent some time on LinkedIn today Funny story here in a second. But as I was scrolling through I saw a post from somebody who I hadn’t connected with in probably about six or seven months and all I did was open up direct message, send them two or three sentences. I want to let you know. I saw you came across my feed. I hope you’re doing well. Let’s catch up next week sometime. Give me a call and it’s those things that you know, because we all get busy in life, we all have our own stuff going on and things fall through the cracks. But you know, again, using social media for ways to, to, to connect and and keep those relationships strong are important.

Greg Bennick: 28:03

I agree with you and I think I think it’s important. Yeah to. Not that are social media at the end, but a beginning beginning.

Tim Newman: 28:09

Yeah, exactly. So when I was on LinkedIn, I had reached out to a colleague to be a guest on the show in September and he said and this is all through direct message he said I’m really booked up in October. You know, contact me in November. I said great, awesome, perfect, it was November. So I went back to the direct message. I was going to reply to that and the the algorithm was um, I’m going to pull up just just so that I can not make any mistakes. And as I say this, there was a safe content message in his reply, after I had already replied awesome, great, it said if the content in this message is unwanted or harmful, please report it to us. And I’m thinking you’ve got to be kidding me. This, this is where we are.

Tim Newman: 29:13

You know, there was everything in that in that whole exchange was positive. I mean, there was. There was nothing in there that that you could ever even, um, consider negative or harmful or attacking anybody, right, and and it came after I said awesome, I’ll reach out to you. Then I’m like you gotta be kidding me. First and foremost, if everybody’s listening, if I reach out to you and you can’t do it, you’re not interested. It’s okay to say, no, I’ll be okay, you know, I won’t need therapy, we’ll be, we’ll be okay, but you know, but that, but that’s really kind of where we are, I guess, um, I won’t need therapy, we’ll be okay, but that’s really kind of where we are, I guess. I just thought it was just completely bizarre.

Greg Bennick: 29:59

That’s the first time I’ve ever seen anything like that, anyway, well, I mean, there are so many pitfalls in our communication on social media, so many things that can be misconstrued and misunderstood from our standpoint in terms of what we type, what we don’t, what we leave out, what is nuanced, what type what we don’t, what we leave out, what is nuanced, what nuanced spaces we don’t fill. But also remember that it, when engaging in social media, we’ve made an agreement to play by the rules of the social media giant with whom we’re interacting. I mean, people all the time post this ridiculous thing saying I don’t give facebook or instagram the right to use my photos and I I claim sovereignty over my own space. It’s like no, you don’t. Second, you signed up, give away all that. You’re playing by their rules, and their rules don’t necessarily facilitate amazing communication.

Greg Bennick: 30:40

That’s up to people to do. It’s up to us to engage in ways that are vital and valuable. We have to do that. The platform is not going to do that for us, whether that’s Facebook, linkedin, instagram, tiktok. We have to make changes Exactly.

Tim Newman: 30:57

Exactly, and that kind of leads me into the next chapter. If anybody knows me, I went from chapter nine right to chapter eight, which is laughter, Because I’m a big believer in. You know I don’t take myself very seriously at all, but I take what I do serious and in my daily life I use self-deprecating humor, make fun of myself. It really is okay, and I saw your list of movies that you listed in there that you thought were funny, but you listed one that I’d never heard of. It was the Grand Budapest Hotel. What’s that movie and do I really need to put that on my list?

Greg Bennick: 31:40

Okay. So I mentioned movies like the Big Lebowski, I mentioned Elf, I mentioned Office Space, all of which I think are funny. The Grand Budapest Hotel at the West Anderson and it’s not laugh out loud ridiculous. Funny the way that some of those others are. I mean, if you watch Elf, you’re just going to be laughing at how ridiculous it is. The Grand Budapest Hotel is more sophisticated, more well written, expertly, amazingly shot film. I highly highly recommend it. You’re going to watch it and what’s funny about it is more it’s so clever at times you’re gonna say, wow, that’s really funny, but not like the laugh out loud, hysterical laughter that you might, you know, experience when you’re watching the dude in the big house.

Tim Newman: 32:24

So I would highly recommend uh, uh, the grand, all right so that’s going on the list, because that’s that’s I like the list, Because that’s I like every one of those other movies for those same reasons. But I also like those clever movies too, Because those are you know, Grand Professor.

Greg Bennick: 32:41

Tell is ridiculous. It’s brilliant. It’s brilliant and it is funny. It’s funny in its own way, all throughout, but it’s not necessarily a comedy the way that those other comedies are.

Tim Newman: 32:53

I don’t know if you saw this, but recently James James Cahn did an interview where he was. They were actually talking about Elf and he didn’t get it. He didn’t get Will Ferrell at all, so. So his reactions in the movies was real at all. So his reactions in the movies was real, and it wasn’t until the end of the movie, after everything was done and shot, and he saw the movie. That’s when he got it. So those were real reactions. That’s awesome, isn’t it?

Greg Bennick: 33:21

great. That’s so great Because all throughout the word that describes him, he’s like incredulous. He has no idea what’s happening. What is this? Who are you? Why? What’s happening? And if he didn’t get it when they were filming, that’s even better. I love it. I hope they didn’t even give him a script. Fantastic.

Tim Newman: 33:40

That’s amazing. How do you incorporate, you know, laughter in your presentations and your leadership style? Because, again, you’re traveling all over the world and I had a conversation with somebody today. We have to be respectful of cultures and what we say, but how do you incorporate laughter and humor in your presentations and leadership style?

Greg Bennick: 34:02

Absolutely. You have to turn it in right. You can’t go into somebody else’s culture, somebody else’s space and make fun of them and expect that you’re going to look better as well, which is not how it works. So I think you have to turn it in. You have to be willing to poke fun at yourself, your condition, your circumstances, why you’re there, what you’re speaking about, circumstances that audience might relate to. Those are ways to build connection and those are ways that you’re going to be able to increase the laughter content of what you have going on. I mean, when people are looking at themselves and looking at you per se or me, yes, maybe as somebody who is worth being critical of in a supportive way. You’re going to find common ground and be able to do that. So I think that one thing is to not think of punchlines that have audiences as the punchline, because in a live setting it’s never going to work. It will work, but I mean to a certain degree, and then the audience is going to say, okay, not alright, as long as you’re willing to put yourself and I’ve read about this in the book put yourself as the punchline, and I think that that goes along.

Greg Bennick: 35:08

I also, when I’m performing. When I’m speaking, doing these keynote presentations, I incorporate elements, say, a juggling trick, a magic trick, a balance trick, something they don’t expect. People are like, wow, that’s ridiculous and funny. I couldn’t have anticipated that he was going to balance a chair on his face. I couldn’t have anticipated he was going to make his point about focus while juggling him steady came out of left field. Those sorts of things become funny circumstances or so on. So and and none of them require that I use somebody at the punchline rather it’s the circumstances of the, the event being outlandish at times, that become funny. So that’s a good approach.

Tim Newman: 35:50

Yeah, and I love the stories that you tell in the book. They’re great. You juggle a leg. I want to talk about Dalai Lama, but not yet. Okay, okay, I think I already gave away.

Greg Bennick: 36:10

Anyway, let me explain to viewers and listeners real quick. Okay, that I was. I was at a performance in Montana, I think, and I have a moment in my show at the time I was doing a comedy and I have a moment where I was juggling objects that the audience and I’m going to cut to the chase and give away sort of. The punchline of the story is that somebody in the audience held up their own prosthetic leg and said, basically, juggle this. And I juggled this young man’s leg and the audience went wild and this young man went even wilder with joy doing this. So when you casually say just now, juggle the leg, it’s not like I removed somebody’s separate leg in the midst of a traumatic injury. Rather, somebody quite willingly gave me their leg. That don’t and and and that’s that.

Tim Newman: 37:02

It’s awesome and it’s funny and it’s it. You know, being able to tell that story too, right? And and when you, when you talk about um, focus and doing those types of things, and that that’s you’re. You’re doing it to make, to make the point. That doesn’t really matter, as long as you’re you’re focused on what, whatever it is you can do, you can do those like. I watched your. I watched your juggling videos and I tried it. It’s going to take some practice. The videos that you put up there are, honest to God, the first time I’ve ever really seen direction, easy directions on how to juggle.

Greg Bennick: 37:42

Oh, I’m so happy, I’m so very happy about that, great, great. And if people are interested, there’s a secret website, as it were, for readers of my book. And if people are interested in my book, of course you’re more than welcome to buy it and read a copy. But gregbennickcom, forward slash plain, has these videos that I reference in the book lessons on how to joke, but also there’s a few extra stories in there that are very unusual videos describing some unusual things.

Tim Newman: 38:15

Yeah, and they’re amazing stories and we’ll talk about one here in a little bit. You talk using laughter or humor or other things, and you’re on a train in India. You’re the only American. You’ve got a battalion of military on the train with you. You’re sitting next to an Indian family and everybody’s staring at you. You know that’s—it’s got to be unnerving. You know I talk about that’s. It’s gotta be unnerving. You know I talk about to, to, to my audience a lot. Don’t worry about what other people are doing looking at you, whatever. Okay, you’ve got a battalion, a military and a family staring at you. At that point it’s okay to start worrying about why, why everybody’s staring at you, and what you’re going to do. Tell that story and and how you built connections, how you actually broke the ice and, you know, dare I say, made friends or made Absolutely. Without giving a story away, I’ll let you tell a story.

Greg Bennick: 39:27

No, I’m happy to tell it. You know, basically I was on a train and then I was by myself and I had a long train ride and a family got on the train and this was a train that was empty. Basically Imagine, bench seat Family got on the train mother, father, two kids and they were sitting across, as is the case in sort of the custom. The social norm is they huge, huge kids, and they were sitting across from me, as is the case in India, sort of the custom, the social norm is they started staring at me and they weren’t saying anything, I wasn’t staring at them, they were just staring. So amidst that it was uncomfortable for me. It’s not the social norm for me to stare. Well, at the next train stop or soon thereafter, an entire, as you said, battalion of Indian military personnel got on the train Guns, bullets, hand grenades, rockets. They were on their way to some military train. They all got on the train. So now it’s not just me and family of four, it’s me, a family of four, a base, an army they’re all heavily armed and they start to tear. Now I’ve not just got two little kids, parents staring at me from, you know, three feet away, but everywhere I look around me are heavily armed men just staring. So it was very awkward.

Greg Bennick: 40:41

Well, at the time I was making my living as a street performer and I happen to have in my pocket I don’t have any around here anywhere some balloons like you’d blow up to make an animal. Well, I had to break the oppressive and intense stare of all these probably very kind people filming. So I pulled out a balloon out of my pocket and inflated this balloon to make a dog balloon for one of these kids and the second I did. This family and these Indian Army humans lost their minds and I ended up making balloons not just for the family. I ended up making them for all the Army guys. And when the Indian Army guys got off the train, instead of staring, now they’re waving and holding a gun in one hand and waving the other, the balloon in their hand, and the balloons were a mechanism by which I made connections. Now they’re waving and holding a gun in one hand and waving the other, the balloon in their hand, and the balloons were a mechanism by which I made connections with people in very unusual circumstances.

Greg Bennick: 41:39

And again, the point is what do we have in common? Right, I mentioned before. What do we have in common with people around the world In this case? What do we have in common? Well, balloons are cool, fun is cool, I like fun. To quote Elf you know, I like fun, I like smiling. I think it’s not like smiling, I can’t remember the exact quote. The point is is we like to have a good time, so let’s have a good time and just see what happens. That will transcend our language barrier and our custom barrier, and that’s exactly what happened.

Tim Newman: 42:10

He just said smiling and it had triggered something. For me, smiling is is a universal language, it’s a universe. I’ve got a, a three-month-old grandson. It just got baptized this past weekend and my, my, my family knows I talk about my, my, I talk about my grandkids all the time now. Now I’ve got grandkids and he doesn’t know anything, but if you look at him and smile, he’s going to smile, right, yeah, that’s what they do. And go anywhere in the world, if you smile at somebody, more than likely they’re going to smile back. That’s a universal language.

Greg Bennick: 42:58

You break the ice with something fun, start smiling and then it takes over the whole train, it takes over a whole battalion of soldiers, and even if the person you smile at doesn’t smile back, they likely are not going to interpret your smile as antagonistic, whereas if you’re staring somebody down, but with a smile, you can certainly break the ice Absolutely.

Tim Newman: 43:23

Absolutely. Again, getting back to the audience of young professionals, I think a lot of times they get so hung up in their own inner talk and inside their own head that they lose. They can’t come up with the idea of just to relax and be yourself. That’s it, relax and have fun. I mean because when you’re out with your friends or what have you, you’re going to have fun. I mean, if you’re by yourself, the only way to to to you know, to not be stared at is to relax and have fun.

Greg Bennick: 44:05

Yeah, Just be you. I think it’s important. I think that I think that oftentimes one thing that I think is true, at least for me, is that I get in my head. I think to myself oh, I wonder what that person and I wonder where, where the and one of the reasons one of the chapters in my book is believe in Possibility and Kindness is to assume and believe the best in other people in order to create space for possibility through a relationship that might develop. And I think that when we think the worst of people, or we automatically assume negative intentions in people, we close the door on possibility.

Tim Newman: 44:37

And you bring up the possibility of kindness, that that that leads me to the talk about the Dalai Lama. You know, you, um, you spent some time in India. Your, your friend, had to go, had to go home, and and so you decide you were actually looking for a prayer bowl. Right, that’s what it was.

Greg Bennick: 44:59

Yeah, it was, I was looking for a um, a singing bowl, a bowl where you draw a piece of wood around the periphery of the bowl. It makes a sort of ambient, interesting, haunting sound.

Tim Newman: 45:11

And you head north to I almost said Indiana.

Greg Bennick: 45:16

Yeah, dharamsala in India, in India, not Indiana India. Dharamsala in India, in India Not.

Tim Newman: 45:20

Indiana, india, and the Dyalama holds, I guess, meetings, public audience, public audience. And you had the opportunity to shake Dyalama’s hand. Yeah, I did To me again. I had no idea that was even possible really, yeah, it was.

Greg Bennick: 45:44

Uh, you know, I was in the north of india, my friend had had to fly home sick with this and I went to the north of india by myself and, uh, just walked around this village, which at the time was just I think that mcleod gone is more developed now, but at the time it was just. I walked around and ate food and talked to monks and just walked in the woods, I think. But the Dalai Lama held public audience for a time and what that consisted of was that people who had walked all over Asia in order to get to India and all over that part of the world in order to get to India were able to wait outside the Dalai Lama’s residence to come out and then we would have a chance to greet. So I waited for hours for people who had walked hundreds of kilometers to get there, and this is after waiting weeks for him to have a public audience. I happened to have a schedule of loudspeakers and the Dalai Lama eventually comes out onto his front porch and I swear I mean when I saw the man I thought he had an aura about him. He’s really a really powerful person, whether I imagine him and imagine the aura and one by one, you walk up to the mother next to the Dalai Lama. There’s a moment of peace and you’re able to greet the Dalai Lama, shake hands with the Dalai Lama and then go on to the next monk next and leave.

Greg Bennick: 47:13

That whole process took about. But the entire process, capital P processed for hours and hours and hours and hours. We were out there for hours. I did have a chance to meet. I said I wish you my best always for you and your people. Ashidele, you know, generally say that and I smiled and shook my hand and a very powerful, because this is a person revered around the world and he was very humanized. But one of the lessons take away from it was just to remember that people are indeed, uh, people. Uh, as schmode said maybe decades ago, people are people and just think that the dalai lama as a person and he has been most vocal and talking about himself as a person it was really nice to see this amazing, wonderful person, body of kindness for many people, face-to-face, really quite one.

Tim Newman: 48:14

I can’t even imagine. You know, even when the Pope comes and the Pope travels around, nobody’s getting close to the Pope?

Greg Bennick: 48:23

No, he’s in a Popemobile.

Tim Newman: 48:24

The Dalai Lama doesn’t have a Dalai Lama mobile, as I remember, full of glass yeah and you got to talk to him, you got to shake his hand and you know, nobody’s probably going to get this, but I’m hoping he wishes you total consciousness. You know nobody’s probably going to get this, but I’m hoping he wishes you total consciousness. But anyway, you know I joke on that, but you know he that’s one of the most famous people and one of the one of the people that is really. You know we should mold our lives after Peace, kindness. You know understanding, you know all those things that we talked about. He is the embodiment of that and again, you had an opportunity, you know, to meet him and I wish, you know, more people could emulate those types of characteristics.

Greg Bennick: 49:22

Well, I agree with you. Like I said, one of the chapters in the book being called Believe in the Possible is sometimes to escape the trap of pessimism. Because when we assume, as I said before, when we assume the worst in other people, we become pessimistic. That pessimism grows, it creates antagonisms, it creates divisions. And when we imagine the possibility, just the possibility, that other people might be kind creates space for possibility. I think that creates space for possibility, growth, development, for work to get done and all starts. I think it’s really important.

Tim Newman: 49:58

And that story even has another step to it, because you, you got it was.

Greg Bennick: 50:03

It was a red um red string or or red uh yeah, there’s a prayer string that you’re given, basically um, and it nodded to symbolize uh, a prayer, a mantra, uh source that the dalai lama, um and and and and followers of the dalai Lama would recognize. And when I got back to the United States, I was in a Tibetan restaurant in Salt Lake, utah, and I walked in and staff was basically closing. It was towards the end of the lunchtime. They were like hey, sit anywhere. And I had this string wrapped around my neck with this knot in it, symbolizing the Dalai Lama essentially. And when I pulled it out and showed it to this family of Tibetan people who owned the restaurant, they were in awe. There was an instant connection made there over a cord, but the cord was a symbol and the symbol was of something we shared.

Greg Bennick: 50:55

That’s the most important thing to remember. We have visions at work. Having trouble in human resources can’t connect with other people. We have visions at work. Having trouble in human resources can’t connect with other people. We have to dig deeper and find connection. We have to dig deeper and remember what base level things do we have in common. That’s the way.

Tim Newman: 51:11

Exactly Because, going back to it, we all want the same thing.

Greg Bennick: 51:17

We do. We just have our kids safe. We want to be healthy, but more importantly, we want to be healthy and, but more importantly, we want to list that we matter.

Tim Newman: 51:22

vital contributor yeah, have you ever talked to anybody and they said that they don’t want to be successful?

Greg Bennick: 51:34

um, yeah, I have people who, well, to whom success doesn’t necessarily matter, they’re just happy raising their kids. They’re happy, you know, going about their day. You know people who don’t necessarily. It’s not that they don’t want to be successful, they don’t want to be ambitious to reach the next level, they’re happy. And I agree with you. I agree with you. I’m going off the societal idea of success being ambitious, achieved. But yeah, I think what I could answer more concisely is to say everyone wants to be successful on that level, whether the success is embodied in the car they drive or the kids they raise. People want to have a health. So, yes, people all across successful in that.

Tim Newman: 52:23

You know, and I I asked that question because that’s chapter seven, and for what reason I ended up going backwards in your book. But but to me, success success is whatever the individual says. It is Yep, you know, if, if, if you want to spend your life working all the time, not have a family, and that’s what you want to do, good for you. If you want to have a family, good for you. If you want to work in nonprofits, good for you. If you want to help the homeless, good Whatever success is. I’ve never, you know, based on that, I’ve never talked to anybody who says that they don’t want to be successful.

Tim Newman: 53:04

If you want to live on the beach if you want to live on the beach and go surfing every day, if that’s all you want to do, and that’s what you’re doing good for you.

Greg Bennick: 53:12

Yeah, and that’s success. And with that definition, those parameters, yes, I agree with you, everyone wants to.

Tim Newman: 53:19

So why do we, as individuals, put up these barriers so that we can’t be successful or aren’t successful? You know the self-talk of you know whatever it is can’t do it because of this, or you know, I don’t have that, so I’m not going to do this. Whatever it is. To me it seems like we are our own worst enemies in terms of reaching the success that we want to have, absolutely.

Greg Bennick: 53:47

I mean, I think that sometimes we are intimidated by the idea of success. I mean I mentioned that in the chapter in my book called Leap into the Dark, which is an idea around leaping into the unknown, just seeing what happened and you might just succeed, but we’re often afraid of succeeding. What happens if this podcast is successful and gets a million listeners tomorrow? How does that change my life? And then what’s that going to do? What happens if 100 million people hear oh my goodness, well then I’m going to have to get new shirts, get better glasses. You know, my whole life is going to change. Oh my goodness, maybe I should just keep things Well, by fearing success, we often don’t take chance, and I think that there’s room for possibility that we would love to improve if we’re willing. So I think that that’s part, and I think that’s what that chapter is about. Oftentimes, you know, we can be intimidated by fear of failure. We can also be intimidated Yep.

Tim Newman: 54:48

And fear of failure to me is just as bad.

Greg Bennick: 54:51

Absolutely Sure, because I mean, you might not try something, you might not try to connect with somebody you want to connect with, you might not try to try something new that you might enjoy and hobby and skill, you might not bring up an idea at work that’ll lead to a transformative moment for you, your team? All those things are feared. Not feared but led by fear of failure. Yeah, yeah.

Tim Newman: 55:17

You know, I was with my grandkids this past weekend and we took them to this place in Baltimore. It’s called Port Discovery and they have this one slide where you have to climb up. It’s kind of like a rope ladder all the way to the top of the building and then you slide down and my four-year-old granddaughter she jumped in the first one and the first error and she says she needs help. I said no, you can do it, you can do it. And she once you get to that second level, it’s a lot easier to keep going and she struggled getting up to that first level and then she made all the way up to the top. I was petrified for um, because I was, you know, afraid she’s going to get hurt, but she loved it. She didn’t allow other people’s fears or her own fear to stop her from trying something.

Tim Newman: 56:10

And I think that’s something that as we get older, we start to do that to ourselves again. Not necessarily society. We start telling ourselves well, I better. Not necessarily society, it’s, it’s we, um. We start telling ourselves well, I better, not do that. Maybe it’s because pop said oh, be careful. Maybe you may not want to do that, maybe that is our fault, right. Maybe that’s the parent’s fault or whatever, but but as kids they have no fear, and I would. I hope that, you know, I would hope that they could have no fear to do the things that they need to do to be successful, would carry on. But for whatever reason, we have those again, those self-limiting beliefs that stop that.

Greg Bennick: 56:50

Yeah, and I think that self-limiting beliefs take the form of fear of success and fear of failure. It’s not just that we’re afraid of failing, we’re also sometimes afraid to succeed. It can be equally afraid of failing, we’re also sometimes afraid to succeed. It can be equally. When we create space for possibility, as I talk about in the book, we’re creating space for opportunities beyond fear of defeat, beyond fear of success. We’re just trying to move forward in a way that doesn’t create stagnation. I think it’s the option, unfortunately, to open when we’re afraid of succeeding or think that we have the bag. Yeah, I agree.

Tim Newman: 57:27

Is there anything else in the book that we need to talk about before?

Greg Bennick: 57:31

we, I would say. I mean we covered kindness, keep your eyes on life. We covered the idea of leaping into the dark and engaging with laughter and relationship. I mean there’s lots of other ideas, yeah, trying to pack all the dark and engaging with laughter and relationship. I mean there’s lots of other ideas, yeah, trying to pack full of stories and fun, but also ideas and actionable steps that people can take to make for better relationships, more advancement for themselves. But I think we covered quite a few things.

Greg Bennick: 57:53

I mean, if people are interested in the book, I would love to have people read it and write me and ask questions, and I got to talk about it all day long. Those are the main ideas other than you know. I think that when you create space for possibility right and in your, you then have the opportunity to fill that space. And what I’m curious about, how do book when somebody reads the book? I would love to what happened as a. What step that comes from reading the book? They close the book. They say that was a great book, fantastic. Now, what this conversation has come from you reading the book, that’s great. We’ve created the space for this. This conversation results from that. I would always love to hear from you whether via Instagram, my website, linkedin, all of those different routes Hear what you’ve created, based, afforded to you, opened up through the possibilities that that happened from the book.

Greg Bennick: 58:46

So where can people buy the book? Uh, people, of course, can find it on amazon. It’s available there. Uh, if you want a signed copy, they’re available through me, of course, gregbennickcom. You can reach out to gregbennickcom, but it’s also on bookshoporg, I’m pretty sure, which is a website that independent booksellers list in. You can order it from any bookstore. So if you have any, any bookstore can order it because the distribution network through Wiley Publisher, so any bookstore can order it on the shelf.

Tim Newman: 59:16

Yeah, but I would encourage anybody who wants an actual physical copy to go to bookshoporg, because that is the local bookshops and it’s not the big box companies that do that. I love it, you know so well. Greg, thank you so much for joining us. I really do appreciate it. I got so much out of the book, as you can tell. I got a new movie to watch on top of everything else. I’m so glad I’ve been learning how to juggle.

Greg Bennick: 59:44

It’s great. That’s what I wanted. I wanted something for everybody in there and I really appreciate it. And people can reach out to me through gregbennickcom, b-r-e-g-b-n-n-o-m-n-acom and, of course, via social media if you like. But be in touch anyway. Any listener, I’d be happy.

Tim Newman: 1:00:01

Yeah, I’ll put all those links in the show notes for everybody. But again, thanks so much and we’ll talk to you soon. Thanks so much, everybody. Thank you. Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcastcom to join our growing community and register for the Formula for Public Speaking course. Always remember your voice has the power to change the world. We’ll talk to you next time, take care.