Transforming Public Speaking: Embrace Fear and Find Confidence with Vicki Noethling

Tim: 0:37

Welcome to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that’s here to help you unlock the power of effective public speaking. I’m your host, tim Newman, and I’m excited to take you on a journey to become a better public speaker. Today’s guest, vicki Nethling, is a speaker, trainer and coach, focusing on public speaking and leadership. She also has an anti-aging wellness business, which complements her public speaking business as well. Her focus is on entrepreneurs, especially women, helping them find their voice and get comfortable going live, online or on stage. She’s a best-selling author and host of the Find your Leadership Conference podcast. She offers webinars, courses and individual and group programs to take her clients to the next level in their business. Vicki, welcome to the show. It’s been a while since we had a chance to catch up, so I’m glad to talk to you today.

Vicki: 1:29

Thanks, tim, so good to see you again. We had such a fun time on my podcast, I was anxious to get back here with you on yours.

Tim: 1:37

Yeah, and it’s great when you find somebody who you know you think alike and you do a lot of the same things but maybe have a different approach to it, and it’s good to be able to connect with people like that all the time anyway.

Vicki: 1:51

Yeah, different strokes for different folks. You know, that’s the beauty of what we do, exactly. Yeah, different strokes for different folks, that’s the beauty of what we do.

Tim: 1:57

Exactly, exactly. So tell us about your speaking journey and have you ever had any embarrassing moments? When was that moment that you knew you could get over your fears and be great and be able to teach and inspire other people?

Vicki: 2:12

I’ve had so many embarrassing moments, it’s not even funny. One of the pivotal moments I guess I had been in Toastmasters, for probably I was the founder, or am the founder, of the UPS Corporate Toastmasters in 1998, way back, and so I had been in supervision just probably about four or five years and joined Toastmasters right as I went into supervision and so as a Toastmaster, they said well, normally the board of directors does our annual talk of state of the business and all this, and they each discipline is represented in a small talk, and so we’re going to have different members managers, supervisors be able to do those talks, except for the main one, and so we’re going to have you do the HR talk. Okay, so they give you a script, have a script. I’m allowed to read from the script.

Vicki: 3:19

I’m in front of 300 people and it’s televised and I get up and my first sentence had the word people in it and I didn’t say people, I said pee-pee as soon as it came out of my mouth. I saw the looks on the people’s faces and I could have died. I didn’t. I could have stopped and cried. I didn’t. I just said hey guys, I’m a mom, I’m allowed to say that.

Vicki: 3:50

But let me tell you what’s written on this piece of paper. And I just went on and I and they laughed and honestly, probably 10 years later I still had people saying, hey, I remember you, you’re the girl that talked about pee pee on stage, but it’s you know it. It made me realize that you know, everybody makes mistakes and it’s how you react to it that makes the difference, makes mistakes and it’s how you react to it that makes the difference. And so, as time goes on, there were just other instances where you know, even today, in this past year, I read for a lector for the church and so I got up, I had a new pair of shoes on, tim, they were awesome shoes.

Vicki: 4:34

I had a little skirt on. I get up onto the altar and I’m walking to the ambo to be able to read my scripture, and my ankle went over on these little wedges and down I went Now our church has people in the front and people on the side and I had a skirt on, oh boy. And down I went and I popped back up and I walked and I did the reading because I couldn’t slow down things I couldn’t make. And so, once again, you know I don’t know what people saw on the sides, but it was OK and again, I wasn’t arrested. I wasn’t, you know, I didn’t die from it and it made it a moment. It was a moment, yeah, and so I always teach that anytime you get up and speak. Just remember, it’s just a conversation.

Tim: 5:25

Yeah.

Vicki: 5:25

You know, tim, it’s just a conversation and you don’t practice for conversations, you don’t have a script for a conversation. For conversations, you don’t have a script for a conversation. The thing that happens, the magic that happens, is whenever you’re in that conversation and you just are, you Right, and it’s natural, and you don’t have to practice how you use your hands and you don’t have to practice the vocal variety and the gesturing and all those things. It just happens and the gesturing and all those things, it just happens. And so if we, anytime we get up and speak to anyone, feel confident in what we have to present, that’s the one thing know your material and then just have a conversation, yeah.

Tim: 6:11

Yes, it’s so important to understand, like you just said, that everybody makes mistakes. And you know, for me, I don’t take myself very seriously. I tell people I don’t take myself very seriously at all, but I take what I do seriously and I use self-deprecating humor. When I mess up, I’m like, just okay, here we go and you move on, and it’s okay to laugh, it’s okay to make fun of yourself and and and just get on to about the conversation that you’re supposed to have. It’s um, you know again, people aren’t judging you like we think they are. They’re they’re more worried about thinking about what other people are thinking about them.

Tim: 6:46

Um, you know so it’s it’s going to be okay, it really is.

Vicki: 6:51

Yeah. So when did you know you were going to be great? You know, I think every day you wonder am I going to be great today? But the thing is, how do you start your day? You know, if you start your day saying, oh, this is going to suck, I’m going to have a horrible day. But you know, if you start your day and think, you know I’m going to give it my best, and I think that’s what’s important. I never try for perfect. I learned in all my years that perfect is boring and it’s not going to happen. And if you worry about being perfect, that’s whenever you screw up more. That’s whenever you feel less than you really are worth, and there are plenty of people that can cut you down. So why should I be that person? So I’m just going to say this is going to be a great interview, this is going to be a great speech, this is going to be a great lesson, and I’m going to just give it my best because you deserve, as the audience, my best.

Tim: 7:54

And that’s really a mindset shift that you know we’ve got to instill in our students and in our clients, right, because that’s not an air fingers quotes normal thought process. You know society has conditioned ourselves to not think like that, so we really have to have that mindset shift.

Vicki: 8:17

Yeah, and even you know some of the coaches that I’ve had their process is different than I coach, and it’s not to say that’s not good, it’s obviously they have less clients, but it’s. It was like whenever I did modeling when I was younger, like they looked at everything your eyes aren’t right, your, your nose is not right, you know. And it was like but do I look okay? Is anybody going to buy what I’m wearing? And so if you start to focus on all those things, you’ll find things wrong, right.

Tim: 8:55

Exactly.

Vicki: 8:56

But as a coach, you know we have to really remind you of the things that are good, that you’re doing well and anything. Whether you talk to the person about what they’re doing well as a speaker or what they could improve, you have to include that three-letter word after which is why? Why did I love the way you did that? Why could you have done it differently? And this is how it would sound if you tried it differently. And then let them try that and see how it feels, because then they’ll get that confidence that oh yeah, I could do that. But if you just say this is terrible and move on, then they’re going to wonder, well, why was it terrible? It’s like if you get a grade on a test and they just give you the reason, you’re looking all through it, thinking, well, what was wrong? You know?

Vicki: 9:51

with this essay that I did, or this paper that I wrote wrong. You know, with this essay that I did or this paper that I wrote, you know, and as a a person who writes books or even a movie, if people don’t come, you want to have that critics, even though we hate them, but you want to have that person that says what they didn’t like. Is it, is it a personal opinion, or is it really okay? What you put out there wasn’t your best, and maybe this is how you could have done it differently.

Tim: 10:24

So, yeah, I, I, I like that, that approach and that mindset a lot. You know, I’m somebody that that number one asks a lot of questions. So, um, you know again, why. Why are you doing it this way, whatever it is? Would you consider doing it a different way? Why, or why not, have you tried it other ways? And this is what you’ve settled on, or this is what you have found works for you, and from that standpoint, that’s when we can really start to help people, you know, as opposed to, like you said, just coming in and saying no, no, no, no, no, do it this way. Because you know, again, I come from the, from a sport background, and take golf, for example, how many different ways are there to swing a golf club, right? I mean, if, if there was only one correct way, right, nobody would be better than anybody playing golf.

Vicki: 11:13

Yeah.

Tim: 11:14

Right, I told my husband.

Vicki: 11:16

I tried golf and I still probably will play with it a little bit more. But I said, god, there’s so much to remember. You’re just swinging this, but there’s so much to remember.

Tim: 11:31

And it’s okay to do things differently Because again, number one we’re all different. We all process information different, we all communicate differently. We all have different strengths in how we communicate and how we perceive things, both from the coaching perspective and the student or client perspective to ask questions and come to some understanding of why and how things are done the way that they’re done and be good and great at those things.

Vicki: 12:08

Doing them differently. Tie in public speaking to sports or even singing, where you don’t the first time you sing a note, the first time you swing a bat or swing a golf club, shoot a basket, it’s not going to be great, it, unless you’re just uber uber gifted. But, um, generally people aren’t. And so it’s that practice, it’s doing it over trying a different way. You know, do it, the better it becomes, because now it’s more natural and you find things that in your voice, in your tone, in your speed, that work best and that’s the way that you’ll do it. So, again, as you said, it’s individual, but you cannot expect that the first time that you do anything you’ll be an expert at it. One of the ideas is that, just like a chapter in a book, in chapter one we only know a little bit, we’re only a little bit understanding what’s going on, but by the time you get to chapter 20, you know a whole lot more. Well, why should I expect to act like I’m in chapter 20 when I’m just in chapter one?

Tim: 13:41

Exactly, Exactly. And you see this and I brought this up again to my daughter- a couple weeks ago.

Tim: 13:55

It’s kind of like if you take a baby right and think about a baby rolling over and it doesn’t just happen, right, I mean, they work at it, they work at it, you may help them and they start to figure it out, and then they can roll over, and then they try and crawl and they’re trying to figure that out, and then they can roll over, and then they try and crawl and they’re trying to figure that out, and then they can crawl, and then they try and stand up, then they can walk. So it’s not just as simple, as you know. Like you said, do it one time. It takes practice and we see that from infancy, all the way up through what we’re doing here, really until you die, we’re learning and trying different things and practicing different things our entire lifespan.

Vicki: 14:43

Yeah, and you have to, and that’s what makes life interesting, right?

Tim: 14:47

Exactly, exactly, and you know we’ve talked about the need for young people, young professionals, you know to improve their communication skills and you do really good work with young people in this area. What are some areas that you’re seeing across the board that need improvement, and you know what are some of your successes in that area.

Vicki: 15:11

Well, obviously one of the areas that I try to work a lot with and I work with youth from 9 to 17, and then the 20s to the 30s-year-olds as well, but especially with the younger generations that are so comfortable with technology they’ve picked it up as babies and so they’re so used to being not looking at you and that direct engagement is tough, and so I love to teach both online and in person, because online they are so used to I don’t have to look at you, I’m just talking down here, it’s fine. I’m looking, it’s no, you disengaged us now and when, when you look away, it’s almost a trust and sincerity thing. If you can’t look at me when you’re saying something, are you really being honest, truthful to me? And so the kids don’t really associate that. So that’s one of the things that I try to teach them is it’s okay to look at us and you will get. The more you do it, just like anything, the more comfortable you’ll get. So that’s one of the things having that direct contact.

Vicki: 16:37

And then, whenever I teach how to speak in person or online, I’m also teaching them how to write Cool, because there is not the tone you know, by explaining to them how, when I say things, I can say it three different ways and get three different meanings to the person that’s hearing it, whereas when you write, it’s only one way. It’s going to come out one way and it may not be the way you want it to be, and so it’s the interpretation. So, how you write, you need to make sure that you read that back to yourself to make sure that it couldn’t be misinterpreted in any way. Especially, are not even there a lot of times not exposed in the classroom to anything but a monotone voice that’s keeping them. You know they’re reading from something. There’s no emphasis, there’s no enthusiasm, there’s nothing to engage them, and so they fall asleep in class, right.

Tim: 17:45

Yes, they do so.

Vicki: 17:48

What we try to teach them is how important that rollercoaster ride that you should take your voice on is, and I love, whenever I go into schools, I actually make the teachers who are sponsoring my class go through my course, my class go through my course, so that they understand the value and the benefit of what I’m teaching the kids, but they also can reinforce it in the classroom. And one particular teacher I’ve worked now since 2011,. So over 10 years with that person and the difference in their teaching style is remarkable remarkable and I know it’s because that they went through that course and they saw the difference. That’s the thing that is impactful, even in the individual. You see the difference in just making small changes in how you communicate can make an impact in your success, in your persuasive abilities, your motivation abilities, and to just see the difference in the confidence these students have, as well as the adults that you teach.

Vicki: 19:07

I tell a story about a class, a management class, that I went in and one of the people on my team was a young 20-something and he had been a supervisor for about a month or two and they decided well, we need a manager. The manager left, we’re going to move him. So he had two months of being a supervisor, so going from a field person to a supervisor, and now he’s a manager. And it just so happened he was terrified of public speaking. Terrified of public speaking. And to graduate from our course and to get the full promotion, he had to just do a three-minute talk on sports, weather or news. And we went through three weeks in this class, off-site, away from our families, and every time we had to do a presentation from our team, he would be running to the bathroom. And so the night before we were to do our final course, where he had to speak, I talked to the teacher and I said this kid gets sick, physically ill, at the thought of having to talk to this class. Is there anything that you can do? Because when we talk individually with him, he has such great ideas, has such great heart. He’ll make a wonderful manager. But this is going to be a stopping block for him. And so he said I got this. And so he said I got this.

Vicki: 20:45

And the next day, whenever we got into class, as we always did, we networked and chatted around until class officially starts. And so there was a football game the night before, and so the teacher went up to him and he said say Roy, hey Roy, did you see the game last night? And he said oh my God, it was so great. And he talked about the player, his favorite player, and the plays that were made and how great the game was. And he was animated and he was even funny and it was like a different person. Where did this guy come from, you know? And at the end of the three minutes of him spouting about this, the teacher said Roy, thanks, you just gave your sports talk.

Vicki: 21:30

If you could have seen the faith on this gentleman of just such pride that he did it, that he didn’t die, he didn’t throw up, he could do this. The recognition that he could do this changed my life. And so when I teach the kids and they have to do their first speech or adults three minutes or four minutes long, I help them to just see that they can get through it, that they can do this. And once they do that, then they know okay, do this, I can make, I can make it. And that’s the difference. You just have to build their understanding that you know that they can do it. And he just had a conversation, that’s all he thought he was doing. He didn’t think he was giving a presentation.

Tim: 22:24

He was just chatting, having a talk as if he was at the bar with this guy Right and the difference that I mean again, the pressure that he was putting on himself to be something that he made up himself, and that’s it gives me kind of goosebumps to hear that story, just from the fact that, wow, he I mean from his perspective he did it without even knowing that. He did it and did a good job of it, and what doors that’s going to open for him. You know, being 20 some years old, I mean being able to do that opens all kinds of doors.

Vicki: 23:05

Yeah, able to do that opens all kinds of doors. Yeah, and I give a lot of credit to the teacher because he could have just said well, you know, he’s just somebody’s not going to make it, you know. But luckily he trusted my opinion but also what he saw in class, you know, as a teacher I’m sure he was wandering around listening to our individual conversations as we were preparing for our talks. So I give him a lot of credit and that’s for me, and I never want to just make an assumption that somebody can’t be great.

Tim: 23:40

Right, anybody who wants to be good at something, if they’re willing to do the work, if they’re willing to put the time and practice and effort into it, can get there now.

Tim: 23:59

Yeah, you may not ever be michael jordan, you may not ever be tiger woods, but you’re, you can be good enough to, to do what you need, what needs to be done, to be able to express your ideas, to be able to get promotions, to be able to have conversations with significant others, to be able to have meaningful dialogue with people. You disagree with. That we have on a regular basis and happen if we’re willing to put the work in and practice and ideas. You know, put those ideas into practice.

Vicki: 24:34

Yeah, for sure, just believe in yourself, exactly.

Tim: 24:40

And you know, the other piece with this story that really kind of resonated with me is the whole idea that you know you said that if you talk to him individually, kid was smart, had great ideas, you know, motivated all these other things. Understand that you can be all those things, but if you can’t communicate it to people, if you can’t, you could have the best idea on the team, the best idea on the team, but if you can’t communicate it, maybe the worst idea is going to be the one that gets communicated and that’s the one that they’re going to go with, because somebody could, could communicate that and that’s so important, especially from a from a business or management or leadership perspective perspectives. Those people that can communicate well, those are the ones that get promoted, those are the ideas that get moved forward.

Vicki: 25:35

Yeah, the loudest voice in the room. I remember that was one of the things that was sort of like an epiphany for me when I got my degree, because I didn’t go to college until I was 45, 46. And so I got my degree at 50. And whenever I finally had that piece of paper, that acknowledgement, but those four and I did my degree online at University of Phoenix, on the road, I was on the road most of the time and I just saw how all of my life experiences really were valuable to me and that I was.

Vicki: 26:18

You know, I did very well in college and so that whenever I went into now a meeting at the corporate office with others that had all the degrees, the master’s, the PhDs, the experience, I was more confident and it’s like well, louder voice, more confident, would say exactly what I was thinking. But they were heard, they were recognized and I was just that quiet person in the back. How many of you are that quiet person in the back that are letting life pass you by because you don’t have a voice? It’s important.

Tim: 27:10

I mean, the majority of people are introverts, right, yeah, and so, especially, you know, when we get in these types of situations, if we have a little bit of doubt in ourselves, or if we’re not necessarily sure how we want to communicate things, that takes over and we have to have ways, and we have to have techniques or cues to snap out of it to be able to share our thoughts and ideas. And we can’t let that inner talk or that inner monologue, you know, stop us for from from doing those types of things. And we don’t have to be an expert to do that, it’s, it’s just speaking up and you know, here’s my thoughts, here’s my ideas, and and then go from there. We’d have to be the jump up and down, you know, pat people on the back there. It’s so much more um nuanced than that the back.

Vicki: 28:11

there.

Vicki: 28:11

It’s so much more um nuance than that.

Vicki: 28:13

You know, yeah, and and you have to understand too that especially, you know, if you’re in a brainstorming session, you may not have the full picture, but you may have insights and ideas that are part of the picture that aren’t being said, or things perspective that’s not being shared.

Vicki: 28:27

That would perhaps change the direction of the way things are going and allow others to take a different viewpoint and therefore be much more valuable. And I always, when I was a facilitator in the corporate world, I would make sure that I always said there are no stupid questions and you know I won’t have all the answers either, but you need to at least share what you’re thinking so that we can ponder it, think about it, you know, wrap it around a few times to see is there some value or benefit for us to pursuing this further, and that way you don’t feel like, oh well, I’m shut down, nobody’s going to accept this, and you know, if it isn’t accepted, that’s fine, because we learn from our failures. We also learn from ideas that perhaps aren’t the best idea at that time at that place.

Tim: 29:28

Exactly, exactly, and it takes work, it takes practice. That’s that’s. That’s you know, I, I, I come back to that a lot and you know and that’s something that I do think that as coaches, we do have to be upfront with our clients. This is not a fix it automatically. Yes, we can improve and we can improve quickly and incrementally, but it takes work, it takes practice and you have to do it.

Tim: 30:07

I mean, you have to actually do the work and and I think sometimes you know I fall into this trap sometimes too yeah, if you, you know, as I’m coaching or I’m teaching students or what have you, yeah, just go ahead and do these things, make eye contact. All you have to do is make eye contact, just just do it, just make eye contact and move on. And then I’ve got to say take, just make eye contact and move on. And then I’ve got to take a step back and say, okay, let’s practice making purposeful eye contact. You know, when you’re getting to a certain phrase or you’re getting to a certain part in this talk, make sure, let’s make sure that you’re making purposeful eye contact.

Vicki: 30:55

You know, and doing that and showing them techniques on how to do that and having them walk through it and doing those types of exercises. Yeah, I always remind people that your face is part of your, your gesturing, that those facial expressions can be very, very important and, and you know, I think sometimes we shy away from being expressive because we want to appear just so professional and astute and smart and it’s like but you’re not natural. You know, if you’re talking about something that’s heartfelt or, you know, compassionate or whatever you should, or funny, you should smile. You should be absolutely comfortable smiling. I always say that there’s some great photos out there that are so complimentary of me because of the expressions that I use. But they’re me, you know, and it is what it is.

Tim: 31:44

Right, I’ve been accused of having too much resting bitch face. That’s why I laughed. When you said that, I laughed. I said that’s. I said it’s just pretty much my face. I’ve been accused of having too much resting bitch face.

Vicki: 31:54

That’s why I laughed. When you said that, I laughed. I said that’s just pretty much my face. I mean there’s nothing I can do about it. That’s just me four years in front of people. And then finally one of the guys on my team said you know, vicki, now for this year you’re district director, you’re going to be out there and people are going to take pictures all the time, so you need to smile a lot, smile a lot. And so it’s interesting, because I became so aware of it and I thought, oh God, did I smell? But now in podcasting I see myself all the time and it becomes very comfortable and very natural. I thought if I could have just had a monitor in front of me that showed my face. Oh wait, that’s. That wasn’t the right expression to have, or smile, but it’s funny, it is. It is an art.

Tim: 32:47

Yeah, and. And so you know, when talking about being live on camera, how can we really engage or connect with our audience virtually? You know, again, I tell this story a lot Six or seven months ago, I couldn’t take a selfie, even though I’ve been teaching online. But I do still struggle sometimes looking at the camera. But I couldn’t take a selfie because I never know where to look Right, and my, my, my, my thing was well, I’m not taking a selfie because that’s not what men do, right, but but? But that was my excuse for not doing it. But. But now doing these and doing some of these, you know, you know shorter. You know short reels and those types of things to talk about. You know reels and those types of things to talk about, coaching and those types of things. I’ve had to start doing it and again, I’m practicing getting better at it. But how can we really engage or connect with our audience virtually? Because it’s hard.

Vicki: 33:41

It’s hard. Yeah, I have a checklist of different things to do to be more engaging on camera and one of them is the eye contact piece and I you can have used the laptop camera and and be able to stare at it, but it’s kind of like a little bit up if you look at and so that makes your eyes not really engaging. And then if you have your as a laptop and you’re looking down, well, that kind of isn’t you’re looking at that red dot. Vicki told me to look at the red dot but it’s not engaging. So I do recommend that you know, if you’re going to be doing this, that you, even if you’re in a remote working I would get the Logitech or one of those remote cameras, that is, external cameras, and I have mine on a stand. That’s a telescoping, so I can have it at the right size, the right height for me. But I tell people, stick a picture of your favorite relative, your kid, your dog, you know a funny moment, so that you just stare at that picture. And some originally I think the person that was describing this to us said you just put an eye there. Well then I look stupid. I’m not going to look at that eye. But if I have a picture of, you know, my grandboys, I’m going to smile, I’m going to be happy to engage and look at them the whole time.

Vicki: 35:11

The other thing is you have to train yourself to not care what else is going on on the screen and and I think you know, we think, well, I’m not engaging if I’m not looking at you but I am looking at you. I’m not looking at you but I am looking at you, and so you just get comfortable talking to the camera. It’s just what people in television had to learn to do as well. You know, just pretend that you’re talking to somebody that you love, you know that’s there, and be engaging the whole time. There are times where I have to read, and so if you do have to disengage to look down and then back up, you know, just do it subtly, but you again, every time you do look down, you do disengage. So you want to try your best to just look at that camera and it takes practice, just like golf, and you just have to just keep on doing it. But again, to make it as easy as possible, the external camera. I think with that picture above, it is a great way to get started.

Tim: 36:18

Yes, it is. I’ve got an external camera and it’s a little high for today because I’m on a standing desk.

Vicki: 36:30

um, no, so am I, but I’m sitting I’m sitting too, and that’s the other.

Tim: 36:35

That’s the other good piece is is you.

Vicki: 36:36

You have that ability to to get it in a in a good position um, yeah, that’s why I love the telescopic, and it was like 20 bucks or something that. But, um, I can put it at whatever size I want. You know, if I take it, I take it on the road with me and I might be only using my laptop and not having my nice big screen in front of me. So then I’ve got a telescope, a down to be at the right height for my where I’m sitting, and, and you know the different chairs that you get in the different locations- yes.

Vicki: 37:08

So that’s why, before I got the camera, I had a box assortment by my desk. Well, this is the box that I need for this desk, for this laptop, but you know, this is what I need for this. And so I would raise my laptop and it might be a box in a book or whatever, but just so that my little dot would be hitting, because you always want to have, like your camera, be in thirds and and right now, just like you were saying, I am a little bit high, but I can adjust my camera down a little bit to be lower so that you’re at the third and you can. Can’t do that on your laptop, right? You?

Tim: 37:48

can’t.

Vicki: 37:49

You know you can move it back and forth, but you just want to have your third. Your third and your chest would be your other third, so that you’re nicely centered.

Tim: 37:59

What other types of things can we do to improve that virtual presence in meetings? You know, before we came on live we talked about my lighting and some of the things that I need to improve. But what are some things that you know like the general public can do, because you know they’re not set up with some of the things like we have? How can they make sure that they’re being perceived professionally and improve their presentation?

Vicki: 38:29

that they’re being perceived professionally and improve their presentation. I always recommend, you know, before I get on a podcast with anybody, I try to make sure if they’re my guest, I want them in the best lighting, the best experience for the audience. And so if they don’t have a ring light, they’re just using the natural light of the window, which can be great. If you have a full Sunday and there’s no clouds, it can be the best lighting ever. But generally you don’t have that and if the clouds come in, the shadows come with it. So that’s not great. But you can just take a regular lamp, table lamp, take off the shade, just put it in front of you, so behind your monitor or your laptop, so that the light is coming straight on to you, and then that’s the best lighting.

Vicki: 39:22

You can see the rig light a little bit in my face. I always keep powder. This is my third podcast already today, so I haven’t powdered myself. But you can just keep powder and that will take those shiny things away. But I have a ring light and an Amazon three position lighting and that’s all you need. I have no lighting in the side. I do have windows off to the side that I have blinds on and then I have, behind my little divider thing, I have a full size window, a picture window I guess, and I have shades closed completely because the light will come through the little slats and then have like little lines in me, and that’s not good either.

Vicki: 40:09

So you just have to be aware. So you don’t want backlighting, you don’t really want overhead lighting, because the overhead lighting will give you dark shadows and no person that I know wants dark shadows, to look like a squirrel or a raccoon. So definitely don’t want that. But lighting is important because you want to see the person’s, especially eyes and mouth. Guys, we don’t talk about makeup too much with you, but it’s really kind of why people on television have makeup on, even if you’re a man, because doing something with your lips makes it more distinct, so that as you’re speaking, people are focusing on that. Your eyes, you know, I have mascara, eyeliner color so that it makes my eyes pop. If you don’t use makeup, if you don’t do anything, it kind of washes you out a little bit. So then you just need to make sure that whatever your background is, is that your face stands out. You have a black background which makes your face stand out a little bit better than a lighter would do. So you definitely want to put the person in the best light. And the other thing to be more engaging is the sound. If you have poor sound, then the people will disengage immediately. So I used just regular, you know, the corded earbuds for probably a year and a half. It worked fine, the sound was fine. But when it, as I got to be more professional, I did invest in a Samsung microphone and got great compliments on this. But it is one that, if I decide to go to the next level, I can quickly turn this into from a USB to a panel and all the fancy schmancy stuff. But I don’t have to. You know it all works fine. So you want to make sure people can hear you, can see you, and that the image that you have is good.

Vicki: 42:18

And the final thing is Internet. And if you have poor Internet, no matter how great your camera is, your sound, your lighting, it’s a problem. I had in my podcast that I just did previous. It’s a beautiful sunny day here in Atlanta and my power went out momentarily like a flash. So I lost camera, didn’t lose connection, thank you Jesus, I didn’t lose connection, but I had. I didn’t lose connection but I had to pause everything and make sure we picked up where we left off, type of thing. But you know I I don’t whenever I have a podcast, that’s when I’m going to be traveling. I test as soon as I get there and I’ll cancel or reschedule a podcast if the Internet’s not stable, because it’s not fair to that person that I’m interviewing. If my connection, their connection may be fantastic, but if my connection is bad, then it’s just not fair to them. So I want the again the best experience.

Tim: 43:26

Internet is something, recently, for me, that drives me nuts. It’s 2024, it’s almost 2025. And you know the other podcasts that I do. It’s golf related and you know, four or five times a year we go live on site. So, like at tournaments, we’re actually live on site, you know. So we’re actually in-person interviewing winners, like you know. So we’re we’re actually in person interviewing um winners, uh, sponsors. You know the whole deal, you know. So we travel there, I pack up all the gear and we go there, and internet is awful and and so so we. I mean, we lose out. We lose out big time because we can’t even just recording, like like here, everything records to the. Because we can’t even just recording, like here, everything records to the cloud. We can’t even internet, so bad, we can’t even get it up into the cloud, you know and that that that that hurts us on any number of different levels, obviously financially, because you know we put out money, you know, for the travel.

Vicki: 44:27

Yeah.

Tim: 44:28

And now we’re not going to be able to get that message out, we’ll be able to share everything that we did.

Vicki: 44:34

Yeah.

Vicki: 44:35

Yeah, I always take my hotspot with me as a backup, but even sometimes that is not strong enough if it’s a really remote area, when my brother-in-law has a lake house and the lake house didn’t have any internet, so I could only use my hotspot, and so if I was going to be at the lake then I wouldn’t do podcasts, just for the simple fact that if it was a cloudy day then my hotspot might not be so great and that wouldn’t be good. So, yeah, you have to consider that. I always ask and I know a lot of the podcasts that they go on. They ask well, what kind of internet do you have? Because, again, they’re just trying to make sure that the experience of the audience is a good one.

Tim: 45:23

Right, and I’m sure that there’s technical reasons for it, but most places don’t have wired internet anymore anyway, and so we’re kind of at the mercy of the strength of the wireless signal.

Vicki: 45:58

I have boosters. I have three boosters just to make sure that the signals, because not only with the podcasting, but I have streaming TVs who would have thought we and all those other things streaming? And so I have to have powerful signal and almost every room of my house has a TV.

Tim: 46:15

I’m a full-time RVer, I’ve got three TVs in a 42-foot bus and I don’t even watch TV. Let’s put it this way I watch very little TV. I mean I can’t walk 10 steps without seeing a TV, and it’s nuts. I mean it’s crazy and that’s how we are right. Oh, it’s got to have a TV here. Oh, there’s a space for a TV. We’ve got to put one there.

Vicki: 46:42

There’s got to be one outside too.

Tim: 46:44

Oh my goodness, and the internet better work outside, for when I’m sitting outside.

Vicki: 46:48

That’s right when you’re watching that golf game.

Tim: 46:51

Exactly so, vicki. Is there anything that we didn’t discuss that you think is important for our listeners to know?

Vicki: 46:59

Yeah, I think one of the things that we didn’t talk about fully but was mentioned subtly, I guess, guess is you just have to have fun. You know, I think people just stress so much uh, you know, even to do like tiktoks and things like that, it’s like, oh, you gotta redo it 50 times. No, the best ones aren’t the ones that they totally screw up. I mean, some of the the dance moves are obviously better. I’m telling you, it’s just because it’s showing you’re human and also it’s letting that audience know, hey, you could do this too. Look at, this person did it, you could do it.

Vicki: 47:40

But I think we forget to have fun and that’s what it should be all about. Whenever I got into doing podcasting it was actually just as a I did a project for Toastmasters on a mock one and I had so much fun. But then in COVID, during COVID, I had people that were shut in, obviously, and they were elderly and I knew they were alone and I thought, well, this would be good. I remembered growing up that every weekend I would spend time with my grandmothers and I’d go up to my dad’s mom and my sister and I would clean house and then we would sit and have tea and she’d tell us stories as she was having a shot in a beer.

Tim: 48:27

That’s awesome.

Vicki: 48:28

But she would tell us stories, and it was such a great time and I thought, you know, this is what I need to do with these older people that are lonely and don’t have anyone, and so I would do just little interviews like this with them and just ask them about their life and their stories. And they had such great stories and I thought, well, you know, this is what I should do, and so eventually I’m going to have another podcast. It’s just a second podcast, it’s going to be. It’s just a conversation with Vicki, and I’m just going to interview people that have cool backgrounds. You know, they lived a life and they think that it was just a life, but then they have these awesome stories of the things that they did, the people they met, the places they went that I think others would be enjoying as well hearing.

Tim: 49:19

Yeah, that would be good because, again, you know, one is getting people to tell their story and and they may think it’s just a normal thing, but other people would say, wow, that’s absolutely amazing. Yeah, to be able to have experienced some of the things that you experience.

Vicki: 49:36

Yeah, it’s great. One of the services that I offer is, like I’ll do five podcasts or five interviews with you and record an AI transcript and I’ll give it to you. You could write a book there it is, it’s all there. I’ll bring it out in you, out of you, and and you’ve got your book, get a good editor. So that’s a service I offer, yeah.

Tim: 50:01

That’s a great idea. That is, I’m speechless. That’s, that’s a really good idea.

Vicki: 50:07

Yeah, because people they can tell you their stories. They can talk. If you ask them to write it, they’re like I’m speechless. That’s a really good idea. Yeah, because people they can tell you their stories.

Tim: 50:10

They can talk they can.

Vicki: 50:10

If you ask them to write it, they’re like I can’t write, I can’t do that.

Tim: 50:15

Exactly.

Vicki: 50:16

Just tell me your whole story. I just spent two hours with you. You told me all about your life. I was totally intrigued, totally enraptured.

Tim: 50:29

Yes, this is a book that people would want to hear?

Vicki: 50:30

Absolutely, they would. Yeah, and I think some people hope too that they have to do War and Peace or something you can do a little teeny. You know I have publisher friends that will do small pocket books or whatever. But it’s your story, it’s your legacy.

Tim: 50:42

Yes.

Vicki: 50:43

It’s something for you and your kids. Yeah, you and your kids.

Tim: 50:47

Yeah, you know, in the other podcasts I do, in June I interviewed somebody. He was referred to me by a friend who was a he’s a former PGA Tour player but played in the 70s, and he told his he wrote a book about telling his life on PGA Tour and PGA Tour players in the 70s are very different than they are now. The whole industry is different. And he told stories about meeting Jack Nicklaus as a kid, meeting these other famous golfers. You know growing up and doing these amazing things, you know driving all over Florida. And he actually met and almost dated Vanna White when Vanna White was a she was a, I don’t want to say it wrong, but maybe she was a cashier at a grocery store and somebody gave him her number to hopefully hook him up as a date.

Tim: 51:53

Just some of the craziest things that are just normal, that normal people go through every day. People want to hear about People, want to hear about other people’s stories, but that’s a really good service. So, just so you know, next time I hear somebody say I want to write a story about my life, I’m going to send them to you.

Tim: 52:16

That’d be awesome man. So where can people find you and work with you?

Vicki: 52:23

So you can connect with me by going to my website, which is findyourleadershipconfidencecom. If you want to be on my podcast, you can just click on be a guest, be my guest and fill out an application, and you can also just go to my website and do slash schedule. You can email me at firstinitiallastname or you can vickinetling. So either one at gmail, so first initial last name at gmail, or vickinetling at gmailcom. Let me know what you’d like to work on. Definitely check out my youtube channel, which is my name, vicki netling, and it has over 460 podcasts out there. I’ve got 500 plus recorded, so there’s more to come, but definitely you can find me on Facebook, victoria Nethling. You can find me on LinkedIn, vicki Nethling. You can find me on Instagram. You can find me on YouTube. You can find me on Pinterest. I’m all around. Just search my name, you’ll find me.

Tim: 53:34

That’s awesome and I’ll put those links in the show notes for everybody. But, vicki, thank you so much for spending some time with us.

Vicki: 53:39

It’s really good catching up with you and we’ll talk to you soon. Awesome Thanks, Tim, so much.

Tim: 53:43

All right. Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcastcom to join our growing community and register for the Foreman for Public Speaking course. Always remember your voice has the power to change the world. We’ll talk to you next time, Take care.