Blending Business, Family, and Fearless Communication with Devan Gonzalez

Tim: 0:38

Welcome to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast dedicated to helping you unlock the power of effective public speaking. I’m Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach, and I’m thrilled to guide you on your journey to becoming a powerful communicator. I want to thank each and every one of you for your support. It truly means the world to me. Please visit timnewmanspeakscom to get your free ebook the Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers and how to Overcome them. Today’s guest is Devin Gonzalez. He has been in the fitness industry for more than 15 years and is the founder, co-owner and CEO of Strive 11 Fitness. He is also the host of the Mindset Cafe podcast and author of Money Muscle Mindset, the underground playbook for aspiring gym owners. But, most importantly, he’s a girl dad, Devin, welcome to the show bud.

Devan: 1:28

Thank you so much for having me and that was an awesome introduction.

Tim: 1:30

Thank you, well you know for me you know those that listen to the show. There’s not a show that comes up where I don’t mention my family in some way, shape, manner or form. And whenever I have guests on that, that, one of the first things that they talk about in their pitch to me or in their bio what have you is they mentioned their family and they mentioned their kids. That, to me, really touches my heart. So I want to spend some time talking about being a girl dad for a second, if you don’t mind. No, definitely. So I grew up with three brothers and I was blessed to having two daughters. So when my daughters were born, I was thrown into a world that I had no idea how to navigate. Did you have brothers or sisters growing up? I had two younger brothers, oh my gosh. So tell me about how you’re learning to navigate this new world and how we communicate and how we have to communicate differently, you know, with our wives, girlfriends, significant others and daughters.

Devan: 2:39

Definitely. And it’s funny because we actually have one on the way. My daughter’s three and we have one on the way. We don’t know the gender yet, but it’s weird to think about. I now that I know how to do everything, essentially, you know, with a daughter. Now it’s weird Cause now I’m almost like you know with a daughter. Now it’s weird because I’m almost like I’d rather have a daughter, because I got that down, at least you know to this degree that if we had a baby boy it’s like, oh man, things are different, you know, in the cleaning and all that kind of stuff. So I’m like it’s a weird little flip for me to think about, because originally you know I was like you know I want a boy, you know I’m all brothers and so forth, but now it’s almost like I almost want a second daughter. But the communication aspect of the reason I like to mention it with you know, all the entrepreneurial achievements and stuff that I have going on is because a lot of time in the entrepreneurial space especially, is like everyone sees what you have going on from the entrepreneurial standpoint and then they almost can’t relate to it because you’re not talking about your family and how you’re able to do both things and it’s almost.

Devan: 3:48

You have to put on two different masks. Sometimes, right, there’s the business side of you, then there’s the family side of you, and you know how do you blend those right. There’s the business side of you, then there’s the family side of you, and you know how do you blend those Right, and that’s. I use the word blend because I think it is important to realize that it’s. You’re not a professional athlete in the sense of you are like Kobe Bryant, where you put the black mamba mask on and you’re taking it off to be a family man, like you have to blend them, or else they start to grow separately and grow further and further apart separately, right, so right, you you have to be able to communicate with your, your significant other, you know, and let them know what’s going on with the business, let them know what’s going on with your professional life and let them in a little bit so they can feel a part of that journey, whether they’re helping or not.

Devan: 4:31

They sometimes just want to be a soundboard for you to vent to, for you to talk to. And I learned that you know earlier in my career of entrepreneurship that you know I’m not, I was never raised to be a vocal person in terms of that. It’s you suck it up, you handle it and, you know, get it done. And that’s just how I did things. And my mindset originally was why would I vent my problems to you? There’s nothing you can do about it. So what’s the point of talking about it? Right, and that was the wrong mindset to have, because that’s creating a separation when you’re supposed to be one with this other person.

Devan: 5:08

They are your other half, right? I say my wife’s my better two thirds, to be honest. But you know they’re the other half of you and so they want to feel a part of it. They want to know that you’re vulnerable with them. Right, and even for my daughter.

Devan: 5:23

Like, right now she doesn’t know a lot, you know, she just knows she’s just getting the concept of dad has to go to work and you know she’ll ask what’d you do at work? And I was like I worked. Oh okay, you know. But when she gets a little bit older, the big thing I’ve talked to my wife is like I want her to know, like, hey, right now dad has to work a lot because he’s going to be doing this. This is the goal and this is why. And so having her understand that there are busier seasons in life, not just in dad’s work, but in life. You’re going to be going to school one day. You know well, she goes to preschool, but she’s going to go to school. They’re just going to be studying for tests. There’s going to be busy seasons and that’s okay, that’s part of life.

Tim: 6:03

Yeah, you bring up so many really, really good points that you know I don’t know that we, we generally spend a lot of time thinking about it. And so let’s let’s take it from the perspective of what you brought up about talking to your wife or significant other about the problems and the stresses and the successes that go on with being an entrepreneur, Because I think, from a male perspective, that’s kind of ingrained in us or has been ingrained in us in our generation and before us. But you’re so right in our generation and before us, but you’re so right. Why would I want to come home and unload all the problems on you when I already know that you’ve got stresses on you. You’ve got problems at your job, helping raise the family, helping do all the other things that I’m not able to do because I’m over here doing this. So why would I come home and unload on you? That’s something that we carry ourselves as a burden and I think we’re starting to get better at that, because I do.

Tim: 7:03

I do think that you know, when you share the highs and the lows, that not only that makes you grow so much closer but that also facilitates that whole communication piece. You know, one of the things I’m going to be doing with the podcast is my wife and I. We work together. We have our separate things that we do, but we’ve always done things together and we’re going to be doing a kind of a special segment about communication between significant others from a work perspective and how, when you’re at work, you communicate this way, but at some point you have to take that hat off and be a husband, be a wife, be a significant other, be a mom, be whatever, and the challenges that really come with that. So, number one, I’m really glad that you brought that up.

Devan: 7:54

No, definitely, and I think it is. It is so important and the hats even change from, you know, being a husband to being a dad. And the hard, the hard part that, I think, is that, as as men, you know and I hate generalizing, but as men, like, typically, we don’t share our problems because that’s how we’re raised or that’s how society kind of let it on. And I still think that there, unfortunately, is a fine line, right, there is an unseen line of how much you should or can kind of unload or let them in on, because, at the end of the day, you don’t want to just worry them, to worry them, right, and so, if you want them to, there’s this line that you want them to feel a part of, you want them to have a voice, and sometimes I’ll already have a solution to the problem that I was facing for today and I’m going to fix tomorrow, but sometimes I’ll tell it to my wife and be like, what do you think I’m thinking about doing this?

Devan: 8:52

But what, what? You know, what are your thoughts on that, right, and so, so now again, they’re feeling a part of, but I wouldn’t come home and be like, oh man, today this went wrong and this went wrong and this went wrong, you know. So it’s like because as much as this newer age of society wants vulnerable men right, right, there is this also flip side, that of too vulnerable of a man. Then you’re seen as not masculine, and so there’s a weird little intertwine that you have to find within yourself, but also there’s no right answer. So you need to find that family dynamic that works for you.

Tim: 9:31

Exactly, exactly and again, really good points. And hopefully, you know your, your wife, does the same thing that mine does. You know, if I come home and we’re talking about something and the, the, the solution is clear, she’ll just say this is what you should be doing. You know that, just go do it. Just go take care of that, stop, you know, beating around the bush. You know this is what you have to do. Just go do it. And you know that’s sometimes having that other perspective with somebody who’s again who’s in that inner circle with you, can be real and honest with you and tell you that you’re doing it wrong and you better get it together.

Devan: 10:15

I will say that is a hundred percent true and sometimes they know you better than you know yourself in the moment. Right, and so what I mean by that is that, for example, when we launched the franchise side of our business, you know, I knew it was going to be a hard road, but I hit a threshold point at a certain moment where I was like you know what? I wanted to sell the first franchise by myself, without having to hire brokers or whatever. But it was like seven months into calling leads and doing the whole process, and I was like maybe it’s just going to be easier, just to do it. And my wife, you know I told her that and she was like don’t, like, don’t, you will beat yourself up over that. You know, if you, if you just take that easy route out, like get one under your belt and then do that if you want, but stick to it, like I know you. And I was like I was like dang, you’re right. And then eventually it did happen and I was, you know so, so proud of myself for doing it. But also I was proud of the, the acknowledgement that she made. You know, as you know that recognizing you know that kind of moment in myself. You know that she was like look, she put her foot down. She’s like don’t do it, you know.

Devan: 11:24

But I think the hard part is also not the hard part but the communication disconnect that can happen between significant others is at least I’ve seen from my own and some of my friends and acquaintances is that especially in the entrepreneurial space we are so result driven, like there’s a conversation, there’s a problem, there’s a solution, right, and that’s not how everyone thinks, let alone that’s probably not how you’re significant Other things if they’re not an entrepreneur, you know in the business, you know management space. So sometimes they just want to vent, right. And so sometimes me and my wife had this talk where I was like she gave me a problem and I didn’t realize she was just wanting to vent it. And so she said it and I was like OK, well, why don’t you do this? And then she got annoyed and mad at me and I was like I’m trying to help you.

Tim: 12:15

I’m just trying to help.

Devan: 12:17

It’s an easy solution. I don’t understand why I’m getting in trouble, you know. And then a couple of weeks later, same thing, same thing. And then I was like I see what’s happening. I was like okay. I was like I think we need to set like conversational boundaries so I know at least where what you want from me, right? Because immediately when you start telling me a problem, I’m already thinking of solutions. I was like, if you just want me to listen, I’m all game. If you want a solution, let me know before we get into the story. So I know which side of my brain to start using.

Tim: 12:47

And she was like okay, because you listen, you listen differently, right exactly, yeah yeah, well, wait till your daughter gets older and that you’ll, you’ll, you’ll really, you’ll really wake up. You know, again, I got to the point when, my when, when they started getting older, I could tell, when they started walking down the steps in the morning getting ready to go to school, whether I was going to talk to them or not talk to them, just by the look on their face, by their body language, how they were treating each other. And so you know, you learn a lot of things and I still say dumb stuff to them. I mean dumb guy stuff like you know. Like to me it’s just stuff like you know, like to me, it’s just obvious. You know, whatever. And my, my youngest daughter, I know she listens to this and she’s going to be so embarrassed. She was a junior in high school and came home just devastated. Devastated because she didn’t have a, a date to to. It was either homecoming or prom or I can’t remember what it was, and I said what do?

Devan: 13:48

you have a date to.

Tim: 13:49

I mean, who would want, who wouldn’t want, to take you homecoming or prom? And my wife, my older daughter? They just looked at me like I had just created some, some sort of you know heresy. You know, you don’t say that to her. You know what, I don’t know, but you’ll say. You’ll say you’ll find, you’ll find yourself saying and doing all kinds of guy things that would be appropriate for guys that you won’t even realize until after they come out of your mouth.

Devan: 14:14

It’s going to be great. I can already kind of tell, because I’ll say something to my 3-year-old. And then my wife just gives me a look and I was like what? And she’s like no, that’s not how you say that Now you’re going to make her mad. And I was like I don’t know what are you talking about. You know, and even when she wakes up, like I can tell by her eyebrows, like if say, say good morning or don’t, don’t talk to her, like yeah exactly Exactly so when you know when, when you’re, when you’re training, you know females, do you talk to them differently?

Tim: 14:47

I mean because I I mean I obviously, you know, when my kids were younger I did a lot of coaching, you know, for them and you know, I kind of come from that space and I found myself talking to, to females kind of the same way, maybe not nearly as harsh, but in the same same manner, same terms, same um, with same idea in mind. How about you? I mean, do you change? Do you change your approach at all?

Devan: 15:17

I mean, that is a great question for someone at that question. So, thinking about it, you know, no, I don’t think I’ve ever changed my approach. I will say that I adapt my approach to the person to a degree Like I’ve never been from the personal training side, from the business side, I am not one of those raw, raw trainers Like I let people know that up front I’m not a drill sergeant but I’m not going to be here, just you got this, you got this, come on. You know. No, like you know what you need to do, and so if you’re like I can’t do this, like I’m gonna sit there and stare at you, I’m like are we really gonna do this right now? Like come on, you got this, let’s go.

Devan: 15:57

And it’s more of just a serious straightforward like right, you’re here for a reason. And so I will say, though the adaptation comes from more of the mindset side, of if a client is being more open and being more vulnerable, I will try to help them shift their perspectives. Or even I mean, as a trainer and stuff you even get into, like the life coaching, you know therapist side of it, you know to a degree, and so guys usually don’t open up as much, and if they do, it’s a lot more straight guy talk and short sentences. But for girls, letting them know and trying to give them the male perspective of the side, but not going against them and kind of opening that up, is the only real difference, I guess I would say in terms of coaching. But when it comes down to you, have a goal in mind, like there’s the path, like there’s not going to be. You know me holding your hand. This is your journey we’re going to. I’m going to be there to guide you, but you got this.

Tim: 16:57

Yeah, but you and you have to actually do the work and that’s kind of really the approach that I would take as well. And and you know, I think especially from you know, the fitness industry perspective, a change in mindset and and really being a counselor, because, again, you’re not just dealing with you know the physical aspect of it. You’re dealing with so many other other. You know components, like you said, mindset, like you said diet, like, like you said, lifestyle, um, everything that goes into becoming a, you know, a healthy individual. You know, a lot of times we focus on the physical and we forget a lot of other things, but you know how those a number of different things and mindset and some of those other pieces that I doubt do come into play.

Devan: 17:52

Right, and I will say I mean as a coach too, you also have to realize that your clients results are a basically a living, breathing testimonial to you. So for me, that’s how I viewed it, and so I was straightforward with my clients. I will go above and beyond. I will give you 110%, but I expect 100% right. And so I will give you everything that you need as much coaching, as much advice that you need, I will. If we don’t, if I don’t know something, I will do the research to give you an answer. You know above and beyond, but I expect you know you to do the work, and if you don’t, then I’m going to essentially fire you as a client because there’s someone else that wants that time with me and is willing to put in the work. But you are taking it from them, right? And so that was one of the things. I kind of set that tone out the gate. And you know, if you’re super flaky, you know there’s no need for that. Like I’m all about communication, if life happens, you can’t make it.

Tim: 18:52

Yeah, and that’s look, communication. It’s critical, right, right, and that’s to me, that’s, and I try and get that through, you know, through to my clients as well. That’s just a common courtesy, right? I mean, if you’re running late.

Tim: 19:12

hey, I’m running late. Do we need to reschedule, Not just oh, sorry, I’m late, I showed up, sorry, I’m late. Or common courtesy that we have to maybe refocus on. And you know, think about how our actions affect other people and that domino effect, right? Because let’s just say, for example, right, I’m 15 minutes late and I’m still going to be expecting you to spend that full, let’s just say hour, and now you’re 15 minutes late to the next client, 15 minutes late to the next client. Now you end up getting home to your family an hour and a half late because of one person who you know what I mean.

Devan: 20:00

No, and I mean those are. I mean those are some of the things that you can kind of set ahead of time, cause, like, I think that there’s two sides of the coin and I’ve seen the coaches that expect it to be one sided and I don’t think it works like that, just like communications, a two way street. So life happens in a client, you know, down the whole journey of you guys, you know going about it, you know we’ll, we’ll be late one time, right, and as long as they’re like, hey, I’m running a few minutes late, all right, no problem, thank you for letting me know. Now, before this all happens, you can set the standard of hey, I do have a client right after you, like, if you want to reschedule, like you won’t lose the session, you know I won’t charge you so we can get the full time. Or you know we can do what we got with the time that we have. And then that makes it, you know, a little bit more open to the, to the client be being willing to lose that time.

Devan: 20:51

But on the flip side of that, if I’m running late, right, and it’s my fault. Now, one, I let the client know ahead of time, but two, it’s like now I have to give them something as well. So either one, I do have to push everyone back and still get full time, or you know what it was my fault for running, you know, 15 minutes late today, like today’s on me. You know I won’t count this one against you, like this is my fault. And so the the street goes two ways, because I’ve seen coaches that show up late and expect it to be okay, and then a client shows up late and they make it like it’s the end of the world.

Tim: 21:26

Right, right, and that to me that kind of comes with the territory. I mean, at one point in my life that would bother me. But you know, again, that’s just people being to me, that’s just people being people. And you know, I don’t know what you got going on, I’m not going to, you know, fly off the handle, because you, because you’re, you’re, because I feel you’re being unreasonable, and okay, so I apologize, I’m like you know it’s, there’s only so much I can do. I, I get it and and just kind of move on and and you know, I tell, I tell people all the time. A lot of times, when people are complaining about things like that, they just want to be heard. And you, you kind of stroke a little bit and you say you’re maya culpas and you and you and you give them value, because if you’re giving them value that whatever that was that happened, they’re going to forget about in really no time at all. Uh, so it’s, it’s to me it just kind of comes with territory and you just smile and just you know.

Devan: 22:29

I will say Go ahead. No, no, no, go for it, go for it.

Tim: 22:35

Just saying you as an entrepreneur, I mean. There’s no way that you can make everybody happy all the time and, like you said, sometimes life comes up and you can only do so much.

Devan: 22:49

No, yeah, I mean, I was going to say that, something that you said too.

Devan: 22:52

I noticed I got a better response from communication with, instead of saying I’m sorry, because when, even when a client says I’m sorry, all of a sudden it puts them in a weird place, because now they’re apologizing, they’re, you know, walking in a center with their head down Right, and so same thing for you as a coach, if you’re. You know, I’m so sorry that I’m running late, you know, and I’m so sorry that you know I had to do this to you. Now, again, you’re having to come in almost like with your tail between your legs in the instant. Instead, like what I’ve kind of reframed my, my communication is like, hey, I’m running 15 minutes late, like, thank you so much for understanding. If you do want to, you know reschedule. I completely understand, but you know, thank you so much for understanding, you know. And then all of a sudden that you walk in. You know this is, you know, so unfortunate that I was, you know, 15 minutes late, but again, thank you so much for understanding.

Tim: 23:53

Yes, that’s a great way to handle it.

Devan: 23:55

It really is.

Tim: 23:56

And I think the terminology and how we frame it, and obviously how we frame every message, is important. But especially where we haven’t either lived up to our standard or something comes up, or what have you something’s out of our control either lived up to our standard or something comes up, or what have you something’s out of our control, you know, frame it again to that point where not only do they understand but they feel valued. To me, it always comes back to the value. So when you started, you know Strive 11 and you’re doing the hiring, what are you looking for from a communication perspective? Because, again, let’s back up just so that everybody understands where I’m coming from. I don’t care what industry you get into. I really don’t. Everything revolves around people, everything revolves around relationships, everything revolves around connection, and that’s where I always start. That being said, in the industry that you’re in, nothing can be further from the truth than that, because it is a person-to-person connection, people-to-people business. So what?

Devan: 25:15

are you actually looking for? It’s funny, we have actually two parts to our interview process, because our model is actually like a bootcamp style model, and so you’re not one-to-one. You know you might be one-to-one if the room only has one client in it, but typically it’s, you know, two to 20, right. And so you’re having to be vocal, you’re having to communicate to multiple people, be personable and build rapport to multiple people at a given time. Now, with that being said, that’s not easy and it is a skill you can develop, but there has to be an initial basis for us to work with, but there has to be an initial basis for us to work with. So what our interview process normally starts for is we do a phone call interview, right, and that is essentially the first step, and it’s a way for us to kind of weed out some of the candidates that have an amazing resume, but that’s all they really kind of bring to the table is just, you know, accomplishments and titles and certifications and all this kind of stuff, but it doesn’t hold any weight in the actual real world. So the reason why we do the phone call interview is because now you’re not having to, you know, be presentable. You’re not, you could be in your safe space wherever you’re the most confident, right? And if you can’t hold the conversation on the phone, how are you going to do that in person? Let alone, how are you going to do that communicating to 10 to 20 people, right? So that’s our first step. The second step for us is, you know, if they pass that part, which is, you know super basic questions, and then they come into the gym, they actually have to do one of our workouts, right? And when they come in to do one of the workouts, it’s not about how well they do the workout, because I mean, I’ll be honest that our workouts even kick my butt and it’s it’s to see. Do they know the fundamental exercise techniques, such as a squat, such as a push up, you know all those kind of things. And then, after that interview now we have a full or after they do that workout, now we have a full interview, you know, in person. And now it’s like, okay, let’s see their personality, let’s see their body language, let’s see how they present themselves when being, you know, talked to face to face.

Devan: 27:28

One of the other things that what the manager our manager, you know, wanted to start implementing and so we did is, after the workout, the trainer actually or the candidate actually gets up and runs the exercise a little bit and just to see how their presence would be on the floor and honestly, that has actually been kind of transformational in the approach, right.

Devan: 27:52

So we test out a few different things, but the main thing is like, how can you communicate when you’re in a safe space? Do you communicate the same way when you’re face to face? And then, are you loud? When it’s a group setting, are you still quiet? And all of a sudden there’s multiple people and you were this extrovert when it was just me and you, and now that you’re in a group setting, now you’re in a shell, right. So having them, having them try the workout and then really doing that training a little bit just to see how they run the program from a standpoint of you know, can you be loud on the floor, can you actually be presentable, do you have the tone, do you have the energy, is one of the crucial factors of just being a trainer, let alone a group fitness trainer yeah, you really have to when you’re being trained.

Tim: 28:42

You have to show command of, of the skill, you have to show command of the room, um, of of knowledge, of. You have to have a uh, you have to have to period. And you know, one of the first signs of not being confident is weak and timid voice.

Devan: 29:05

And your body language too. Are you standing with your hands in your pockets? Are you crossing your arms? Are you, you know, looking at someone’s eyes when you’re talking to them? I mean all those things go along with it. You know you could be loud and yelling on the floor, but you know, and then all of a sudden be looking at the ground. Who are you talking to?

Tim: 29:25

Right, right. And so when you’re doing this and you know you’ve got somebody who’s got the skills of you know the knowledge and skills to be somebody who can be good, but has that imposter syndrome, has that whatever it is that’s holding them back, how do you bring that out of them and get them to understand that you’ve got the skills that you need to do this and do this well and be successful?

Devan: 29:54

How do you bring that out of them, letting them know that there definitely is a comfort phase that they have to get through right. They have to be, they have to they do have to get comfortable on the floor. I will say, for example, you know I told my, my mastermind group like the owners of it, you know, my mentors that I was going to be on their stages, you know, in the next five years. And the reason I said five years is because I hadn’t launched my franchise yet. And you know that was just a timeline I saw. But I I told them that because I like being held accountable and I also thought it’d be cool that when I did do it, I could show them the text you know, from a couple years back and so forth, and I ended up doing it in two years. And I bring that story up because, even though I could stand in front of 50 people in my gym and even though it’s a group setting, my gym is still a comfort space.

Devan: 30:44

Any gym for me, essentially, is a comfort space, right, and you need to learn multiple times different ways, and so forth. Now there’s another 30 days for you to prove that you can get out of that comfort phase and, you know, implement some of the stuff that we’ve taught. But through that whole time we’re still coaching. Like every shift we have with our trainers, we do a post-shift recap like what went really well for the shift, what needed to be improved for the shift and so forth. And if someone can’t step out of that comfort zone within 60 days of doing it and you know, I mean, usually they work at least three shifts a week If you can’t do that, then you know maybe this ain’t the role for you.

Tim: 31:23

Right, that’s a great plan. Are you getting good feedback from that? Because you know most businesses really kind of overlook the training and development from soft skills and communication skills and they just lead people to their own devices. So are you getting good feedback from that?

Devan: 31:40

I mean I will say the feedback is the results that the trainers have done right and each trainer that has came on board with us didn’t start off being able to sell because we don’t have a sales staff, we don’t have a front desk staff. Our model, our trainers, are the ones that do it all because our belief is that the trainers are on the floor. Building the rapport with the client is naturally the easiest for them to do the one, the selling, but also giving them the opportunity to earn commission, earn bonuses and so forth. So we’re taking people that don’t normally know how to sell and teach them how to sell and get comfortable selling and all that kind of stuff. And it’s been working thus far. And our trainers have said in the beginning they were super intimidated and they didn’t know how to talk about money and now you know they’re crushing it.

Tim: 32:28

You know I think that’s an awesome way to approach it. Awesome way to approach it. You know when, when you were going through, you know your with your mastermind and you were having those doubts. Do you know where they came from? Do you? Did you ever kind of figure that out? Or did did?

Devan: 32:50

you just like, like most of us do, just get over it by doing it. I mean I’m I’m the kind of person I’ll get over, get over it by doing it, like, as uncomfortable as it is. I know, if I’m the kind of person that I’ll get over it by doing it as uncomfortable as it is, I know if I just do it once, the next time it won’t be as bad. And for me, I think the uncomfortability is still almost like that imposter syndrome to a degree, because even when I did move up to the top tier in the mastermind and we do quarterly meetups, and so the first meetup I was at, you know, it was in Rosarito, mexico, and not everyone out of the 30 people wanted to go to Mexico, so there was eight of us and now there was no sitting in the back of the room and hiding in the crowd, and so not only was I the youngest entrepreneur there, but I was also my business was the youngest business there, and so I’m sitting at a breakout table. You know a circle of, basically, and we all, you know, talking about our problems and what’s going right, what’s going wrong, and so some of these guys are doing seven, eight figures and I’m mid five figure or six figures sorry, mid six figures and I’m like man, is this even the table I’m supposed to be sitting at? You know? Like how, what kind of advice could I give these guys? But then, before the breakout, you know, we had lunch and I was like man, I think that I would rather get a pat on the head and be like, okay, good job, you know, but it didn’t really apply. Then me not try to give the advice, and it be a different perspective that they could have used to solve their problem. But I was too scared to, you know, to basically be judged by them, to not help them out. And so I was like you know what? It doesn’t hurt me, it doesn’t help me by giving the advice, I’m just going to give it. It is what it is. After that. And so each person I gave advice to, and afterwards, each of them, actually, you know, we were talking afterwards and each of them gave me compliments like dude, like you think different, like you’re, you’re really smart. And I was like, oh, thanks, I appreciate it, and left it alone. But then the owners are talking to me and, like you know, do you want to be on the podcast? Like you know, I think it’d be an awesome, you’d be an awesome value and it was like almost that reassurance.

Devan: 35:02

That imposter syndrome is all self self-belief right On paper. I am a CEO on paper, I am a business owner on paper and it’s like so what is the imposter syndrome Like on paper? All of us are this right. It’s because you’re setting that title or that thing to be of something on a pedestal or you where your role model is, and since you’re not there in your own vision, you must be an imposter. That’s not the case. It’s like major league baseball players, for example. There’s the major leagues and then there’s the minor leagues, but they’re still professional baseball players and you know, there’s so much to be said for just doing the thing right.

Tim: 35:47

Just do it. We can figure out what it is later, but right now it’s time to do it. We have to just stand up and do whatever it is that’s that we think is holding us back, um, uh and. And if we never do it, that voice that’s holding us back gets louder and louder and louder and takes so much more control over not only that action but every subsequent action that helps us lead up to that.

Devan: 36:20

Yes, it is so true.

Devan: 36:21

I mean, the longer you wait, the more fear gets to set in, the more the intimidating factors are setting in and the more what ifs start to build up in your brain. There’s this psychology, you know, principle of the five second rule, and I’m not talking about if you drop a piece of gum on the floor, you can pick it up in five seconds. Right, it’s the five second rule. Right, if you, if you have a goal, or let’s say you’re going to go out on stage, and before you or before you commit to going out on stage, someone you know raise their hand. That hand, like I need a speaker to go on stage Before you can let fear set in, just do it Before five seconds hits, just do it.

Devan: 37:05

And so, within that five second frame, you haven’t let that fear and those what ifs build up yet, and so it’s a lot easier just to start taking that action. And then, once you what I’ve found is, once you start taking the action, it doesn’t seem as bad as you could have let it build up to. Right, it’s a hill versus a mountain.

Tim: 37:26

And then when it’s all over, we realize that we did it to ourselves, and the people that were that we were so, that were so afraid of judging us, weren’t judging us at all.

Devan: 37:42

Exactly. And one thing I mean as bad as this sounds, you know the, the shift that I tell people. Some people is like, pick one person that you’re like, wow, I can’t believe that person was able to do that Right. And then you think if they were able to do it, I definitely could do it Right. And this is something like you know, back to our fraternity days. You know, in college I told like some of the pledges I was like, just look at all of the active members. There’s a few of them that are like they went through the process you’re going through. All you have to think about is if they were able to make it. You’re definitely able to make it Right, and so that’s just what you have to think about in certain things, if certain, if you pick a person up there, if they could do public speaking, I could definitely do it. Not saying it’s not going to be scary or that you’re not going to have, you know, butterflies and you know anything like that, but you’re able to do it.

Tim: 38:28

I don’t know, for whatever reason we think that we have to have this big elaborate, you know story or have overcome some big elaborate thing. But it’s not. Not the case, it’s just just do the thing, just tell the story, just, you know, move somebody from point a to point b exactly.

Devan: 38:47

That’s really all it is. Yeah, and I think that most people think they don’t have a story because it’s their story, right, and once you start telling your story and this was actually something I learned that from podcasting and from stuff is like my story I didn’t think was a story until all of a sudden people saw my accomplishments and stuff, that you’ve done a lot in a short amount of time, and they start giving me all this recognition. I’m like, really Like I didn’t, I don’t really think about it. And they’re like tell me about this, tell me, and I’m like that’s I? I’m like, really I didn’t, I don’t really think about it. And they’re like tell me about this. And I’m like that’s, I thought this was just kind of normal, right, and so it’s like what is normal to you isn’t normal to everyone.

Devan: 39:22

Your story, your journey, is a journey, a story to someone else, and it almost, it almost resonates more because you don’t think you have this amazing story.

Devan: 39:34

Most people don’t think that either, right? So if, if you have this story and I’m going to use an example, because I’ve seen a trend of it and not saying that all of them are false, but you know, there’s this trend of growing social media influencers that you know their story is. They went to prison, they reformed their life, now they’re a coach and so forth. And I’ve seen like 15 people the same story and I’ve seen like 15 people with the same story and I’m like, okay, guys, like I can tell that you got coached by this guy and you guys, your story is pretty much identical to his story. Like that’s not a story. Like, change it up. What did you really do? What really happened? What you know was your mindset shifts, all that kind of stuff. So it’s like sometimes the authentic is just being what you think. Isn’t this grand story or novel, and that’s what resonates with people, because they can see themselves in you and that’s the key.

Tim: 40:26

They see something of them in you and that’s one of the things that moves them 100%.

Tim: 40:32

Where they are to the next step, exactly, exactly, 100% to the next step, exactly. And I think that people like you and people I wouldn’t say like me, but that’s the imposter syndrome coming in right. We help people. That’s what we do. That’s why we’re here, that’s why we’ve been gravitated towards. What we do is because we help people. And just think about what would happen if your calling was to help somebody and you let whatever was in your head hold you back, how you’re not only failing yourself, you’re failing all those other people that you could could have been helped.

Devan: 41:19

Exactly, and that’s the biggest thing is you have to realize that if your goal is to help people and you’re not telling your story or you’re not doing the thing that you know you should be doing, are you really not? Are you not doing it because you’re scared? Well, if you’re scared, realize you’re not helping the people you thought you were going to be helping because you’re you’re too scared. It’s like come on, like they’re scared too. You be the, you be the big one. Take that step of and being you know and take a step into that fear, because the fear is just fear is just of the unknown, right? You don’t know what’s around the corner. You don’t know what happens if you step on stage. You don’t know what happens if you start a business. But then once you take that first step, it’s like a little bit of light comes around the next step and then you just take that step and you just take the next step and that’s all the game of life and success is is just take the next step ahead of you. That’s it.

Tim: 42:15

That’s it. Well Devin this. This has been great. Where can people find you to to work with you? Um, I I know your your Strive 11 is expanding, but where can they find you to work with you?

Devan: 42:27

So you can find everything that I’ve got going on and connect with me on my website, devingonzalezcom. Um, it’s just kind of a hub with all my social medias and everything with Strive 11 on there.

Tim: 42:38

That’s awesome and I’ll put that in the show notes for everybody. But again, devin, thank you so much for sharing with the Speaking with Confidence community. You shared a lot of great information. I wish you the best in communicating with your daughter and congratulations on the new one on the way there’s. I mean, I love being a dad. But I was talking to somebody yesterday. There’s nothing and I don’t wish this on you yet there’s nothing better than being a grandfather. I love being a dad.

Devan: 43:06

That’s down the road. That’s down the road.

Tim: 43:08

That’s way down the road. So again, thank you so much for spending some time with us, bud. Thank you, be sure to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcastcom to get free resources and join a growing community and register for the Forum for Public Speaking. Always remember your voice has the power to change the world. We’ll talk to you next time, take care.