Ever stood on a stage, palms sweating, heart racing, facing a sea of expectant faces? That’s where Tyler Foley, seasoned actor and public speaking sage, comes in. His journey is as captivating as his command of the crowd – from triumphing over a health scare to teaching the masses to take the stage with poise and passion.
We’re not just talking tips and tricks here; we delve into the psyche of speaking, debunking myths like the “imagine them naked” fable and rethinking what it really means to engage an audience. Tyler and I dissect the nuances of introversion and extroversion, how personal energy dictates your delivery, and the indelible mark of authenticity. Whether you’re a self-proclaimed introvert or the life of the party, this episode will equip you with a fresh perspective on public expression.
In our final act, Tyler takes us through the power of vulnerability, of speaking ‘naked’ before an audience. It’s about stripping away the facade and connecting with your core values – that’s the message in “The Power to Speak Naked,” a testament to Tyler’s commitment to cultivating genuine interactions. And remember, finding one’s rhythm isn’t just for musicians; it’s for anyone ready to resonate with the beat of their own message. So tune in, be inspired, and let Tyler Foley set the stage for you to conquer your public speaking fears.
Visit Tyler’s website – SeanTylerFoley.com
Buy Tyler’s book – The Power to Speak Naked
Transcript
Tim Newman:
Welcome to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that’s here to help you unlock the power of effective public speaking. I’m your host, tim Newman, and I’m excited to take you on a journey to become a better public speaker. If you are like most people, just the thought of speaking in front of a crowd or talking during an important meeting can trigger all kinds of anxiety. Trust me, I know what that’s like. I gave my first speech as a senior in college. I was so nervous that as soon as I got to the front of the room and opened my mouth to speak, I threw up. I have learned a lot since then and I’m here to help others overcome their fear of messing up or sounding stupid. For many people, the fear of speaking in public limits them and is common for them to avoid certain situations altogether. The bottom line is they just don’t want to face sharing their ideas and being in front of an audience.
Tim Newman:
Today’s podcast guest is not one of those types of people. In fact, tyler Foley has been in the spotlight throughout his entire life. His story and life experiences are powerful, and I can’t wait until you hear the full episode. Most importantly, I think you’ll want to hear Tyler talk about perspective His perspective on life, his perspective on dealing with uncertainty and his perspective on overcoming adversity. Listening to how he handled a personal health crisis and took the advice of his doctor to look on the bright side when most people would have only seen negativity is truly inspiring. Hearing Tyler’s views on the age-old advice of picturing the audience naked is both comical and incredibly valuable. Once again, tyler’s unique shift on checking your perspective makes all the difference in the world in terms of how you tackle your fears, your strengths and the confidence necessary for public speaking. Tyler’s background as an actor, performer and public speaker provides the backdrop for learning and sharing tricks in the trade to help you on your very own journey to speaking with confidence. Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear about his take on life, being an introvert versus an extrovert and the overarching importance of being able to communicate and resonate with others.
Tim Newman:
Our guest this week is a remarkable and versatile performer with a Jason Door to Door Carrie and the Tony Award-winning musical Ragtime. He is also the number one best-selling author of the Power to Speak Naked and managing director of Total Buy-In, where he works closely with executives and CEOs to help them better engage their audience when presenting by connecting their personal stories to their leadership style. He is a father, husband, son and performer in that order. Some days he feels like he is dabbling in every industry on the planet, from oil and gas to aviation, to film and television. That diverse experience is what made him so versatile. Regardless of the industry or titles he has held, what they all had in common was promoting and encouraging people to be heard and understood. The skills and resources he has guarded along the way have enabled him to become an entertaining professional speaker and a knowledgeable trainer who inspires others to reach for their dreams. It’s my pleasure to welcome Tyler Foley to the show. Tyler, welcome bud.
Tyler Foley:
Oh, thank you for having me on, Tim. I’ve been looking forward to this for quite some time now.
Tim Newman:
Oh yeah, me too. You know, we talked a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been reading your book and it’s funny how you, you, you find little nuggets and you, you read them and you say, well, it makes a heck of a lot of sense. And you chuckle, chuck, why didn’t I think of that? And, uh, I, I love your, I love your style, all all the way around it’s, it’s really great well, first of all, thank you for buying the book.
Tyler Foley:
I appreciate it. Every sale counts and and and thank you I. You know it’s.
Tyler Foley:
It’s weird when you put a piece out, right, because it’s a little bit of you and a little bit of your soul, and you never know how it’s going to be received. And you know, there’s always that little bit of you and a little bit of your soul and you never know how it’s going to be received. And there’s always that little bit of you You’re like well, I’m just saying the things that everybody else has said, but when you say it in a unique voice or you say it in a unique style, it resonates with the people that it needs to resonate with. So it always warms my heart to know that I’ve been able to add to somebody’s repertoire, especially somebody who, like yourself, is already speaking. You know, you know this and uh, and so to be able to provide, you know, just a couple of pearls or nuggets of wisdom is is always a joy to hear that I’ve been able to provide value to the people who purchased the book, because otherwise I’d feel incredibly guilty.
Tim Newman:
No, I mean no, it’s great. Last week I was reading your book and I just started chuckling a little bit and my wife said to me you know what are you laughing at? I said, well, I’m reading Tyler Foley’s book. And she said, well, who’s Tyler Foley? I said, really, we’ve already been through this. And she said, okay, yeah, I remember. And I read her the passage. And she said, well, and I read her the passage and she said, well, yeah, you say that same thing all the time, but he says it in a way that really gets to the point and, like you said, it really resonated with me. So I’m hoping that the audience feels the same way, because I think it’s great.
Tyler Foley:
Well, I appreciate it. And yeah, if you like that one, just wait for the revised edition to come out next year. Just let me know I’ll buy it. So, throughout your acting career, just wait for the revised edition to come out next year.
Tim Newman:
Just let me know I’ll buy it. So, throughout your acting career, what’s been the favorite role that you’ve ever played?
Tyler Foley:
Oh. So the funny thing is is, up until last year I would have said door to door I played. It wasn’t even a good role, Like it wasn’t like a nice role, but it was just, it was a fun character to play. It was this kid in a diner who was making fun of William H Macy who played a real life character, bill Porter. And Bill Porter was a door-to-door salesman for the Watkins company, based out of Portland, I believe, and he had cerebral palsy and ended up becoming one of their top salesmen. He was actually one of the first people to venture into online sales. He was one of the first web retailers ever and we had the joy and the privilege of getting to tell his story. And I had a very, very small role in it, but it was just, it was an exciting thing. So that was the answer up until a year ago. And then I had the absolute privilege to work on a production last year that I’m actually not allowed to talk about yet, but if anybody goes to my IMDb page and follows along, eventually one will pop up and, uh, there will be a movie that has an actor from ready player one, as well as an actor from the midnight in the garden of good and evil and when you can put those two things together, you will know that the role that I got to play in that, uh, what has been and is now the highlight of my career, that whole production was incredible. The director was, uh, the best director I’ve ever worked with, and I’ve worked with some phenomenal directors and I I don’t know that I’ve worked with a bad director, but this director was above and beyond.
Tyler Foley:
The material that we were dealing with was difficult. Um, it’s based on real life events that, erotically, also happened in the um oregon area, um, in the 80s, uh, dealing with a lot of violence and racism, and I was actually playing a white supremacist and that was. It was a difficult it is it, it it? I don’t think people realize, you know, uh, particularly when you’re acting. I remember very clearly doing this one scene. We were doing, um, uh, uh, a white supremacist rally, um, and we were in in a hallway and like people are having to do like the sea Kyle and like it was. It got dark and heavy, quick, we had like 400 extras and they’re like getting into this whole thing. Well, and at the end I’ll never forget it I cried actually and and I thanked the director afterwards he um, because typically the directors won’t talk to extras.
Tyler Foley:
When you get together, um, it’s usually the first AD. We had a phenomenal first AD on this show as well, but the director took the mic and addressed these it was like 300 to 400 extras and he said listen, there’s an energy in the world and we’ve been putting out a lot on the negative side and I want to thank you all for your professionalism, because this is an an important and integral part of this story process. We needed to show the hate so that we can show the love, but I can’t have us all walk away from this space with that being what we put into the world. So I want everybody to turn to somebody right now, tell them you love them and give them a hug. Oh wow, and everybody, I, I’m telling you, tim, I cried, I, I like even thinking about it right now, I want to cry. It was the most beautiful way to end that, because it was I.
Tyler Foley:
I remember the actor that I was working with I. I was playing his right hand man and he was doing this rally in the speech. We got um down to the holding area we’re sitting in our chairs and he kind of looked at me and I looked at him and we didn’t even have to say anything, we just knew like it was like it was our lunch break kind of thing, and we were like I’ve, this feels gross, right, yeah, but we were doing our job, we were doing what needed to be done, and and the director came and thanked us afterwards and that was, um, that right now is the most rewarding one that I’ve done, to be able to really step outside. It was I’ve played a lot of characters that are outside of who I am as a real human being, right, but that one was an absolute departure and, um, to be able to bring that to screen and tell a story that needed to be told, um, even though I’m on the bad side of it was, professionally and personally, the most rewarding thing I’ve done.
Tim Newman:
Well, I can’t wait for it to come out, because now I’m definitely going to be watching it.
Tyler Foley:
Yeah, I’ll let you know. We’ll send out an email blast to all the listeners and say, hey, this is the thing.
Tim Newman:
Remember that time? Yeah, so you actually started performing when you were six. How did you actually get involved at that, at six years old?
Tyler Foley:
Uh, through. I mean, it’s like Tony Robbins says, right, life happens for you, not to you. Circumstances of the universe collided to put and thrust me literally thrust me onto stage. I, I did a school play when I was six years old and, um, it was like the christmas pageant and we did the nativity and I got to play joseph. My best friend, lisa, played mary and, uh, you know, my job was to just sit there and get the, the presents from the wise men, and uh, I remember, um, as these gifts were being given to me, we had a little cradle, which I grew up on a farm, so I know what a manger is and it’s not cradle. So we had this cradle that had, uh, baby jesus in it. That was, you know, a makeshift manger, and baby jesus was a little doll. And I remember getting these presents and stacking them on baby jesus’s head. And you know, the first present, there was a little bit of a chuckle through the crowd. Second present, there was a little bit more and, as all things in comedy, it comes in in threes, and so when I placed the last present on top of the other two presents on top of baby Jesus’s head, the whole crowd just laughed and I remember feeling such a warm bit of excitement.
Tyler Foley:
And then, two months later, almost to the day, my father passed away in a motor vehicle accident and that changed the world. It changed everything. And, um, my teacher, mrs nielsen, who had put me in the play, was about to put me into the easter pageant play. I was going to play peter rabbit and she, um, my mom was devastated. My father was a teacher, so all the teachers knew my dad and uh, judy reached out to my mom, was devastated. My father was a teacher, so all the teachers knew my dad. And Judy reached out to my mom and she said you know, tyler’s got a bit of a skill for this. This might be something you want to explore.
Tyler Foley:
Meanwhile, my uncle, who worked for the city of Calgary and is a perennial bachelor my uncle’s idea of cooking is, you know, scrolling through the yellow pages for those of you who remember what that is and you know, finding his uh takeout restaurant that he hasn’t used and then phoning them up and having them bring him food, and he’s done that for his as long as I have known my uncle Bob. That is who my uncle Bob was. So he went out for lunch every day and he, right across the street from City Hall, was our main arts complex and so he would go for lunch there. And he overheard the casting director for one of the main theater companies complaining about how hard it would be to find a tiny Tim boy to say three words.
Tyler Foley:
God bless us everyone, you know like how? Why is this a difficult thing? And uh, he said, well, how little you know? He’s eavesdropping you. How little does little need to be? Because my nephew is a tiny kid, and uh, so she gave him the card and he then gave it to my mom, who had just had this conversation with my teacher, saying this might be a thing that Tyler should be involved. And then I got to go to the general auditions and then next year I played Tiny Tim in a staging of A Christmas Carol and I’ve been doing it ever since.
Tim Newman:
And here we are. So you took, but you turned 17. When you were 17, you had a medical incident that left you. You have your body paralyzed.
Tyler Foley:
How did that really affect you mentally, as you’re trying to get back to doing the things that you really enjoy doing, Well, so, first of all, that incident happened over New Year’s, so I was on Christmas break and I was attending a fine arts high school and I actually, when I attended the school that I went to, because of the nature of it, it was outside of my hometown, so I actually billeted away, so I was home and away from all of my friends. I was home and away from all of my friends and, because I’d grown up in theater, my room was down in the basement and it was actually part of an addition to my main house. The house that I grew up in is actually a heritage home. It was one of the first houses erected in my town and had a couple of different stages of renovation and expansion, and had a couple of different stages of renovation and expansion, and so my room was actually outside of the main house area and was a poured concrete box where our front porch was above me, and so I had it was these four walls of concrete and I loved it, and, growing up in stage, I love a black box. So I had painted my room black to replicate a blank theater and it was just a comfort thing.
Tyler Foley:
So I was home from my program and from school over the Christmas break and I had gone out. I was the designated driver because I didn’t and still I drink socially now, but I didn’t drink at all until I was probably about 25 or 30. And even then it was a social thing and I do it very seldom. So I had always been the designated driver and I was driving friends around for New Year’s because that was my chance to socialize with them, and when I’d gotten back I’d gone to sleep when I woke up. I woke up and I Do. You know, when you fall asleep on your arm, yeah, and it goes numb and it gets tingly, and then it comes back and you get the pins and needles and you shake it out and it burns for a second and then and then everything kind of gets normal. Right, I’ve done that tons. Right, we’ve all done that tons. I woke up and my, my, I remember my arm being numb. I couldn’t quite feel that my leg was numb yet because I couldn’t feel my leg, but I didn’t know that I couldn’t feel my leg. I just remember my arm being numb and like trying to roll it and trying to get to that point where you got the Bernie pins and needles. I never did get the pins and needles. And so I I remember finally getting up the stairs and I had this weird preambulation and I again I wasn’t conscious of it because it was early in the morning on new year’s day I’d been driving my friends until four o’clock in the morning I think this was 10 AM.
Tyler Foley:
My mom’s like Tyler, it’s breakfast. So I’m getting up and my mom looks at me and she goes are you drunk? No, mom, I’m not drunk, I didn’t drink, I don’t drink. She’s like no, tyler, you can tell me, are you drunk? And I’m like no, I’m not. And while we’re having this conversation, I’m starting to brush my teeth and as I’m brushing my teeth, the toothpaste is pouring down me and I don’t feel it here. But all of a sudden I start to feel here and I’m like what is that? And I look down and I have all toothpaste down my face, down my chest. I’m like what is going on? My mom’s looking at me. She’s like Tyler, there’s something wrong. And I look at her and then I look in the mirror and it’s the first time that I actually like, am taking in what I look like, and the whole left side of my face is drooping. And, and then it was like what’s going on?
Tyler Foley:
And then it was a trip to the hospital and, like we had to, we had to figure it out. They never did finalize what it was, uh, whether it was a mini stroke or palsy or like. If it was a Bell’s palsy, it wouldn’t have. It would have affected my face, but it wouldn’t have affected my body. If it was a stroke, I probably wouldn’t have been able to recover the the functionality that I was able to, but at the time we didn’t know what it was, the functionality that I was able to, but at the time we didn’t know what it was.
Tyler Foley:
So when I woke up Tim New Year’s Day 1997, I literally woke up in a literal and metaphorical dark place in my room and I stayed there for most of the Christmas break because nobody knew what was going on and I didn’t know if I was ever going to get the use of my face back. I had to withdraw from the performance that I was in, that we were mounting, we were in the middle of rehearsals and we were going to go up in April, so I had to stop performing. I had everything. Everything came to a halt, especially because it was a tap heavy show, so tap dancing, and I couldn’t use my left foot and it took a long time for me to come out of that. Thankfully, I had unbelievable resources and support.
Tyler Foley:
I owe my life and who I am a lot as a human being to my doctor, bob and Joanne Corbett, and their son is one of my best friends. Their daughter is my best friend on the planet outside of my wife and they kind of Bob has always treated me like a third child in his family and has been a father figure and a mentor to me for years. And I’ll never forget what he said, because I was so frustrated initially because we couldn’t get a proper diagnosis and he’s like that’s actually probably the best thing that could happen to you. And I’m like how is not knowing good, knowing right? And he said it’s about perspective.
Tyler Foley:
Tyler, if you knew what the diagnosis was, that’s limiting you to this one path of treatment, because we don’t know. We can experiment, we can try multiple and many paths. We can experiment, we can try multiple and many paths and this gives you more opportunity to heal, because we’re not limiting you, saying that this is this and now you’ll never heal again. We’re saying we don’t know and you have a chance to get better Right. So I need you to look on the bright side, and I will. I’ll never forget that as probably some of the best advice that I’ve ever gotten. Again, right, tony Robbins? Life happens for you, not to you. I needed that. I first of all. I needed that to remind myself how much I wanted to be a performer and on stage, because I, at 17, I was getting very complacent with it and I was kind like I don’t want to, and I’ll never forget having to have a discussion with my director and he said you’ll never act again.
Tyler Foley:
And I was like then damn if I don’t and I went like I, it became, uh, not even just a mission, like it was a drive, like I had to do it. I had to do it, I had to get back and I, I fought, and a year later I was able to regain most of the functionality in my body. I’m still not a hundred percent, um, I don’t know that I ever will be, but I’m close. Only people who really know me before can tell the difference. I can see it in photos, but most people will never know difference.
Tim Newman:
I can see it in photos, but most people will never know. That’s an amazing story. You know, especially from from the perspective of you don’t know what’s going on. You don’t know what happened, but you’ve you. You found a way to to overcome it and get back to to doing what you, what you love to do, and it actually gave you the motivation to get back to doing the things that you like. So why is it misguided for a speaker to visualize the audience naked to calm their nerves?
Tyler Foley:
worst advice anybody can ever give, anybody ever. Oh, for so many reasons. Uh, first of all, how disrespectful to your audience. Right, like you’re, you’re, you, I, I don’t. I, I’m not sure where that advice came from.
Tyler Foley:
If the idea is to gain comfort in somebody else’s discomfort, or to somehow feel power over an audience, or like I’m not, I’m not sure where it is, but no matter how you cut it, that is is so disrespectful to your audience and you, your audience is. It should be treated like the sacred gift that they are, so why would you disrespect them that way? Further, what a waste of mental exercise and capacity. When you’re trying to right, your job is to move this audience somehow, to give them something, even if it’s just one thing, and yet here you are trying to use up that, that brain power that should be used to focus on them in a positive, to try and literally strip them down. Uh, I, it, it’s, it’s for a million reasons. It’s the worst advice that anybody could ever give somebody who’s trying to public speak it, even even if it’s trying to, um, find some absurdity, uh, within something, so that you can somehow feel a levity and and not nervous. I just, I don’t, I don’t understand it. I don’t understand the advice.
Tim Newman:
It’s horrible yeah, like I tell people, the audience is the most important thing in the talk and in the presentation, and and the whatever it is that we’re doing, the people that we’re dealing with that’s the most important thing in the talk and in the presentation, and the whatever it is that we’re doing, the people that we’re dealing with that’s the most important thing. So, like you said, to kind of think of it in that perspective, it just doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Tyler Foley:
You’re a speaker without an audience. You’re schizophrenic, right? So you? You? If you don’t have an audience, you are not a speaker. The audience is what makes you a speaker, and they are there. They are giving you their most valuable asset, and that is their time and attention, because it is finite and we don’t need to be in the room. We chose to be there, and so your job as a speaker is to leave your audience better than you found them, and that is literally your only job, and so your entire mental capacity and focus should be on accomplishing that objective, and trying to picture your audience naked is counter to that, and nobody wants to see that anyway.
Tim Newman:
No, no, naked is counter to that and nobody wants to see that anyway. No, no, you know, the majority of people in the world are introverts and you know, we, we talk, you know, you and I spoke, you know, a couple weeks ago and we talked about the people really aren’t afraid to speak in public. Right, because we speak in public all the time. So what is it that that we’re actually afraid of? And how do introverts really get like you and me, how do we get the nerve to be able to do what we do, to stand up and talk to people and convey information or to act or to move the audience from point A to point B?
Tyler Foley:
Well, I think the first thing is to understand like I think a lot of people have a misconception on what an introvert versus an extrovert is. Um, I think a lot of people think that an extrovert is somebody with a very boisterous personality and somebody with an introvert is very shy and withdrawn, and that is not actually the case. My wife is an introvert and has an incredibly boisterous personality. It’s just there’s only about five people on the planet who have ever seen it, because in public she is withdrawn and reserved. But it’s because the nature of introverted and extroverted personalities is that, as an introvert, I need quiet and space to recharge and feel energized. I need to go to a place of calm and be alone. For that, an extrovert requires a crowd and people to feel energized and to feel recharged. Right, they’re drawing their energy from other people. Where I’m, an introvert will draw energy internally, and you can have an extroverted personality, like an exuberant personality, and still be an introverted person like I’m. I’m very exuberant when I get to to talk, but I’m I still need the the space to do it myself, and I think, um, one of the things that I love the most about being able to speak on stage is. It’s actually the highest expression of my introverted nature Because, especially on a large stage that is lit in like an auditorium where you can’t see the people, I get to feel alone, alone, literally alone with my thoughts. But every once in a while that thought receives positive reinforcement and feedback in the form of audience participation. Or they will laugh or they will clap, or they’ll sigh, or they’ll have a reaction, and I can go on having an impact. But I can’t see beyond the black veil, like I don’t. I don’t actually know that they’re there, or if I do, it’s very easy, it’s, you know? Uh, it’s hard to see. And to your other point about a question, rather about, um, you know public speaking it.
Tyler Foley:
We are not afraid of public speaking. You know the majority. I do know one or two people who legitimately have a phobia over speaking in public, but that is literally speaking in public like they. They step outside of their front door, they become mute and it’s very hard for them to transact within the world because they are legitimately afraid of speaking in public. But, as you and I had alluded to, that is not the majority of people.
Tyler Foley:
Anybody who has ever been to a restaurant and ordered food cannot tell me that they’re afraid to speak in public Because, especially if they didn’t know their wait staff, they spoke in public. They spoke to a stranger, they asked for what they wanted because food came to their table and was delivered came to their table and was delivered. So this notion that we’re afraid to speak to strangers, we’re afraid to speak in public or we’re afraid to ask for what we want is null and void if you’ve ever been to a restaurant and had your food come to your table and the reality is because I know what the audience is thinking Tim, they’re all right. Now there’s somebody who is going, yeah, but nobody in the restaurant is looking at me when I’m ordering my food. And if that is the rationale, then it alludes to what the actual fear is, and that is a fear of public judgment. And a fear of public judgment is significantly easier to overcome than a fear of public speaking.
Tim Newman:
So you know, that’s a really good point, because when you ask, you know most people about what their hangup is or why they’re so afraid of it. They’re afraid of it because they don’t want to sound stupid or they don’t want to mess up.
Tyler Foley:
Yes, right, yeah, yep, and the the interesting thing about that is that’s negative self-talk, because we feel that we are not, you know, the authority, or that we don’t have a voice or we don’t have something to say or something to contribute. And I have found time and time again and I’ve been, you know, public speaking now almost 40 years and I have been training people to public speak for almost 15. And I can assure you everybody has something to contribute to the conversation. And I think the problem is and we even alluded to it with my book there’s always this thought that somebody else has done it bigger, better, brighter, stronger, faster. But the reality is is just because one person has said the thing doesn’t mean that they said it in a way that resonated with the person who they’re speaking to. Your story may have a better impact on somebody than somebody else’s, and I remember seeing the. I’ve been saying this for literally years and I had the best and most clearest example of it a few years ago. I had the privilege and joy of working with a lot of industry giants when it comes to self-development and I was involved with a program called Transformation Weekend. It was run by Aaron Skytelly a phenomenal author, by the way, a great speaker and a great organization and I was seeing all the self-development and growth. And my wife at the time we just had our baby, she’d had a job transition. She felt very lost and I was like, well, this would be a great thing for you to go to to help. And so I had the ability to have her go to one of the Transformation Weekend events. And what Aaron teaches is basically Tony Robbins’ date with destiny only, instead of over six days, she’s distilled it down to the real essentials and delivers it in a very impactful two and a half day seminar. So Jen goes and my wife and she comes back and I’m like, how was it? And she goes. I mean it was okay. And I’m like, how was it? And she goes. I mean it was okay, you know, there was some neat things and we did some stuff. And I’m like, really, I see people walk away from that and and they’re, they’re mesmerized and they’re transformed and life is it will never be the same. She’s like it was okay. And so I was like you know what? What it is, it’s because this was based off of Tony Robbins, so maybe we need to do that. So, literally four months later.
Tyler Foley:
I had the privilege of volunteering and helping out behind the stage when Tony Robbins came to our city. I was like I can get Jen some tickets free tickets to Tony Robbins. Now you’ll see. Now you’ll know you’ll get the real deal. We’ll get the man himself, the literal giant of self development, tony Robbins. So I get Jen front row VIP seats right in the spit zone of Tony. When he comes by he’s all over yet right, and after the event I go to Jen. I’m like how was it? She’s like he sweats a lot. That’s your takeaway.
Tim Newman:
That’s what you get. That’s what you get.
Tyler Foley:
Not that you are in control of your destiny, that life happens for you, not to you, that you have the power to control your thoughts, your emotions. He sweats a lot, yeah, no, no, he does. Okay, but that’s. That shouldn’t be your takeaway. And? And?
Tyler Foley:
But at that event, one of the speakers that came on before tony was a woman named nurka and she specializes in, uh, in. I think she started in hypnotism and um, then I can’t remember the acronym right now, but she’s similar to Tony’s teachings, but just a little bit different. And Jen was like but I really like that NERCA girl and I’m like, well, I can get you tickets to that too, because it’s part of the power of success, we’ll get you there. So I got her tickets to NERCA’s two-day workshop and it happened about six weeks after the Tony event. And she comes back from it and I’m like, how was it? She goes. Did you know that your thoughts can become things? Do you know that you have the power to change whatever you want? And NLP neuro-linguistic programming I’m like, yes, love I, that’s what I’ve been saying. Aaron told you that, tony told you that what?
Tyler Foley:
nurka is the good route to follow and it just goes to show they’re all saying the same thing, but it’s right how they say it and who they’re saying it to their. Their audience will resonate. So I always tell people you have no idea the impact that your story will have until you tell it, because the right audience will cure it, yeah.
Tim Newman:
And I think it’s so important, especially today, you know, with social media. Young professionals especially have their faces buried in their phones and they don’t even look up to really. You know, I don’t want to sound bad, but they don’t really make too much of an effort to interact with people, people, yeah, a lot of times, which which only makes everything worse yeah, and it, and one of the interesting things is it it creates an interesting problem for speakers currently to solve.
Tyler Foley:
Um, I did a presentation yesterday and got rave reviews. Rave reviews for it was a 45 minute safety presentation and the workforce is quite young. The majority of the labor force at the company that I was speaking at are between uh 25 and 35. They uh split gender, uh half female, half male, but very diverse racially, very diverse socioeconomically, although the majority of them are engineers and drafters, so very technical, but a broad range of where they’ve come from and their social standing. So it was unique, but they were all young. They were younger audience.
Tyler Foley:
You know, as part of my prep work, I’d asked the organization that had brought me in and specifically my contact, like what, what were some of the good presentations they’ve had? And he was like I can’t think of a good one that we’ve had. I’m like, okay, that’s harsh, they haven’t had a good one. And they’re like most of my guys end up sitting on their phone the whole time because they’re boring. You know, the presentations are boring, people just talk. And so I’m thinking to myself, okay, how do I engage them? Because, you’re right, they’re going to spend most of their time on the phone. I’m like, like you know what, let’s find a way to integrate the phone, and so for this presentation, I used one of the apps that are out there there’s there’s a couple dozen of them where you can like do interactive polling, where I’m like they’re gonna, if they’re not gonna, get off their phone, I might as well make sure that my message is getting to them on the phone.
Tim Newman:
So I.
Tyler Foley:
I integrated this thing and then, at the end, what did he say? He said I’ve never been to a presentation like that. That was probably the best presentation I’ve ever been to which is funny because from a technical standpoint it was probably one of the worst presentations that I’ve ever done Goes against almost everything that I believe in, and yet it was what that audience needed and I think it’s so important. Again, right, your audience is the focus. You have to know the audience. It has nothing to do with you Literally nothing to do with you, nothing but you need to serve your audience. You need to figure out a way to do that. I was really happy, actually, that I came up with the solution, because my presentation in the evening last night was back to my standard stuff and was well received. But that audience was primarily 65 to 75 year old white men and not very diverse at all. The all fairly high social, economical standing, you know readers, and so as straight oral presentation was exactly what they wanted and exactly what they got that’s what people have to understand.
Tim Newman:
it’s the audience. It’s the audience, it’s the audience. It’s the audience. And you said, even if it goes against everything that you believe in, I agree with you. If that’s the only way you’re going to touch them or get them to engage, or get the message or whatever it is we want to call it, that’s what we have to do sometimes. As a college professor, you know, sometimes I tell them just put your phones away but close the laptops. I just want to have a conversation, I just want to talk, I just want to throw out some concepts and talk it through, and sometimes that works, but they still want to be on the phone. And so, all across the board, we have to find a way to reach that audience where they are.
Tyler Foley:
If I was giving advice to somebody 10 to 15 years old right now and they were asking what is one thing that I could do to really set myself up for success, I would say it would be put your phone away and learn how to speak in public. One of the things that I love the most about the school that my daughter goes to is she hasn’t just been encouraged but, as part of the mandated curriculum, has to do public presentations, speak in public. Since the first grade she’s had no choice. They do student-led conferences, so instead of a parent-teacher interview, the students will lead us through and the teacher will kind of be there as a resource. But my daughter has to tell me what she’s learning in school as part of the parent-teacher interview and then she grades herself how she’s doing, what her strengths are, where her areas of improvement can be based on, and then she has to give evidence of why that is the case based on the schoolwork that she’s been producing, and I think it’s phenomenal.
Tyler Foley:
The school has speech competitions, starting in the fourth grade and goes all the way to the 12th grade, and those students come out and are the leaders in their industry. And it’s weird too, because a leader is not necessarily the smartest person. They’re the person who people listen to, right, you know, and I I love that for anybody who wants an example of this, think of, and, and for some of us uh, self-admittedly I’m included in this group it will be a long remembrance. But think back to the last time you were writing an exam, maybe in high school or in university, and if this ever happened to you, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Tyler Foley:
The teacher or professor made an error when they were writing up the questions, and maybe it was like a math question, right, and it was two plus two, and the multiple choice answers that you were given were three, five, six and seven. And you can kind of feel the energy in the room, right, right, and you can hear people kind of like huh, mm, and they go through. Then, all of a sudden, one person, one person, what’s their hand up and they say excuse me, uh, I. I have a question and the teacher says yes, what is you know? What can I do for you, tim? Right, well, um, I’m looking at question 12 here and and two plus two I’ve I’ve run it a couple of times, I’m pretty sure it’s more, but I’m seeing the answers are three, five, six. I’m not seeing what I think is the right answer. Am I missing something? And then the teacher looks and goes oh, thank you, tim. No, I’ve made an error On my answer key.
Tyler Foley:
The correct answer is B. So if you guys pick B or five or you can write in four, we’ll just call it a bonus question. Just but know that on my answer key, if you guys want to have a hundred percent, just circle B. I know that’s not right. If you need to scratch out five, make it four, you can do that. And then what happens? Everybody goes. Oh, I’m so glad you said something, tim, because I was. I didn’t know, I was just gonna. I was doing acdc, acdc and I was gonna be c.
Tyler Foley:
So you know, and you know at that point, that you had the courage to stand up and say the thing that everybody else wanted to but didn’t have the courage to do, and and it’s the people who have the courage to use their voice that are seen as a leader, because at that point now you’re the leader of the class, when you’re looked to as the smart one, when everybody else was probably just a smart going two plus two is not five, but they didn’t have the courage to stand up and say that in their conviction, and subsequently they are not, they’re the follower, and so it’s the people who have the strength to use their voice that always, always.
Tim Newman:
Right, and and and also, you know they’re also the ones that are okay with making a mistake too. Right, because sometimes they they’re going to raise their hand and they’re going to say something that’s that’s not accurate. But you know they’ve they’ve learned that just the simple fact of putting yourself out there isn’t horrible.
Tyler Foley:
You’re actually going to get a good response you’re actually going to get a good response and that usually, if you’ve said something wrong, somebody will correct you, and for the most part they don’t correct you with attitude.
Tyler Foley:
Occasionally you get it, but again, if you have developed, if you find the inner strength, like a lot of the, a lot of what I do in my course has very little to do with public speaking and more to do with finding comfort and solace in who you are as a human being and being comfortable within your own skin.
Tyler Foley:
That’s why the book’s called the power to speak naked. I’m not telling people to get up and take their clothes off on stage. I’m asking them to feel comfortable with the raw, naked truth, with their, with their inner soul, to be able to strip down metaphorically to the, to the bare essentials, and be comfortable in their skin. Like you need to be comfortable as a human being inside of you before you can really have an impact in the world, and so that that is the majority of of the work that we do is getting people to recognize that they are amazing and that they have a story to tell, and then showing them the tools to structure that so they can tell it effectively yeah, and I’m so glad you said that because you know I, I tell students and and and people in my network all the time you need to know who you are as an individual first.
Tim Newman:
You need to know you know what makes you tick, you know what’s your core values, you know what, what are the things that that that that drive you, what’s your why and I, what are the things that drive you, what’s your why? And I think we’ve gotten away from that a long time ago, especially just from a critical thinking perspective, because kids don’t spend any time really thinking about who they are anymore. I’m just going to take it back to social media for a second. Our heroes are the people that are the influencers on social media, and so we’ve got to get back to the whole idea of you know, critically thinking about who you are. Our heroes are the people that are the influencers on social media, and so we’ve got to get back to the whole idea of you know, critically thinking about who you are as an individual, and that is going to drive how you, like you said, how you’re going to have an impact in your community and in the world.
Tyler Foley:
Yeah, and back to, too, like being able to make mistakes. That’s where we learn.
Tyler Foley:
One of the things that I think was most effective about that presentation that I did yesterday was the fact that it was structured in a way that there was multiple choice questions. Some of them were free flow, where people could just put up whatever they thought and we would look at and evaluate and digest some of that information. But then the other side of it was there were some definite right and wrong answers and there was gamification to it, because whoever got the highest score at the end was going to win a prize. So I kept people engaged that way. But I think where people learned the most was having their assumptions corrected if they were not the correct way that we needed them to go, and recognizing too a lot of what that presentation was was saying.
Tyler Foley:
I know where your logic is and why you chose that answer. This is actually why this is the correct answer and what we need from this training and being able to you know correct people so that they understand. But it’s that sting, like there’s that, there’s that learning bit that happens when you, when you, are corrected and you’re like, oh, I don’t like that. It’s amazing, um, how effective negative reinforcement can be when used effectively. We don’t want to always do that, but I think like I learn from my mistakes way more than I learn from my successes.
Tim Newman:
Have to make sure, especially young professionals, understand that it’s okay to do, that it’s okay to fail, but again, learn from it as you move forward. And, but but again learn from it as you move forward.
Tyler Foley:
Well, and I think part of it too is is societally we’ve we’ve steered away from, uh, from some of those enforcements.
Tyler Foley:
Yes, and, and I I think it, you know, I think there is value in somebody coming in first. I don’t, you know, I I think it’s important to encourage people to continue to try. But I remember distinctly in the first grade, after my father passed away, I kind of got a pass from the teachers. I didn’t really have to apply myself for the rest of the year, and I mean that’s February to June, so that’s almost half of the school year, half of the year and I made it through with great grades. And then in the second grade, my teacher, ms McGuigan, took me aside midway through the first term and was like Tyler, you need to start working. I was inverting my J’s and e’s and c’s and she’s like you’re gonna have to fix this or you’re going to, you know, I’m gonna have to put this sticker on your desk so that until you get it right, uh, man, I did not want that sticker, because like that’s a big bold you you are a dunce foley on like.
Tyler Foley:
Nobody else had the sticker on their desk, and for Ms McGuigan it was a learning tool and I hated it. Oh my God, I hated that sticker, tim. She put that thing down and I’ve just felt the rush of shame and I hated that thing and so I was determined to not have to have that and I didn’t look at that sticker and my printing and my spelling got better over a week. And then what was interesting is at the end of the second grade I got an award for the most improved student and it was that combination of uh, negative association but then positive reinforcement for the behaviors that mattered. That really drove me for literally the rest of my scholastic career. I never dropped below a straight a or 4.0 in. For the rest of my elementary, junior, high, high school and into university I was the valedictorian of my graduating class at St Polytechnic because I refused to have anything less. All because of that stupid sticker on my desk.
Tim Newman:
I’m not getting another sticker. That’s all I’m saying. I’m just not getting another sticker. I’m not getting another sticker.
Tyler Foley:
So, Pat McGuigan, wherever you are, I’ve acknowledged you in my book, but I’m saying this right now on speaking with confidence. Thank you for instilling a drive in me that I use to this day.
Tim Newman:
Yeah, that’s awesome. So in your book, one of my favorite chapters is how to develop a pre-talk routine. Why is the pre-talk routine so important, and can you give us an idea of what yours?
Tyler Foley:
Yeah, my mind’s bizarre, if anybody ever sees it. I think it’s important because we are creatures of habit and oftentimes when we’re speaking we’re speaking in foreign environments. Like, I gave four presentations yesterday in four totally different boardrooms and halls and because of that, you know there’s it automatically putting you outside of a comfort zone because you don’t have the familiar environment to you, so you need to do something that makes any environment familiar. One of the things I talk about in the book is is is pissing on your venue, right like marking your territory and I don’t mean it again.
Tyler Foley:
With most things in my book I don’t mean it, uh, literally.
Tyler Foley:
It is always metaphorically, but one of the things that I will do and I remember even doing it in my first presentation in the morning I will go and I will sit in individual chairs and I will touch each wall just to kind of put my energy into it and I will try to, um, I do a breathing exercise that, uh, I that I picked up actually, uh, watching tony and then and doing some other things, uh, it’s a prana breath exercise and I talk about it in the book and we have the resources that people can link to with it.
Tyler Foley:
But, um, there’s three different cycles and the last one is is energy and what you’re doing with the breaths, you end up drawing in more energy. But what I like to think of when I’m doing my exhales, I’m exhaling out my essence into the room and I am filling that up with me so that it is now my space and it’s an important mindset for me to know that I, for that time, I am the master of that domain and it really helps me get focused. And then, in every chair, well, in this particular boardroom, the boardroom windows face east and my presentation was at nine o’clock in the morning and this boardroom was on the west side of the table and so I went and I got all the blinds down and then that kind of solved the solution Like it was. It was it kind of was a solution to the problem but, it.
Tyler Foley:
Still. They were kind of those mesh ones and it wasn’t quite facilitating the whole thing. So I just switched the seats around and found where the actual shade was and specifically stationed the chairs so that they were out, so that there wasn’t a distraction to my audience. But I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t gone. And then what would have happened, tim? Everybody would have been squinting at me, and the thing is is it’s really hard to tell the difference between a squint and an angry face. So if you don’t do that, you’re like why is everybody mad at me? They’re not, they just can’t see because the sun’s blasting in their eyes and half of your audience is blinded. So part of that pre-talk routine is getting yourself in the mindset, but part of the pre-talk routine for me is getting in my audience’s mindset as well, so that I can be in the right frame of mind to serve them to their fullest.
Tim Newman:
Right, I try and tell people to have a walk-up song.
Tyler Foley:
Yes.
Tim Newman:
And play that. Yes, and a lot of times people just look at me like I’m nuts. I’m saying like, come on, you know what a welcome song is and you know my daughter, she chose a Taylor Swift song and I just said, okay, whatever, if that’s what does it for you, good for you, but have something, whatever it is to get yourself in that mental frame of mind that you’re the one that’s in control, you’re the one that’s in charge, you’re the one that is powerful enough to go out and share your message Well, something that can give you that boost to go out, because you can’t come out at 90% Right, because instantly that’s a disservice to your audience and even 100% probably isn’t doing it.
Tyler Foley:
You might need to do a little bit of overclocking on your hard drive there, you know, like you need to, on your, on your processor and your PC, your, your CPU, like you need to get things going and energized. For me and you and I have talked about this Mine is are you going to go my way? By Lenny Kravitz, and for like so many reasons. I mean, it’s purposely picked. I’m, you know, as a hobby, I’m a percussionist. I’ve been drumming since I’ve been 12 years old. So the fact that it starts with a drum beat, and at a very upbeat, positive one, it’s also at the proper beats per minute. I think that, well, I think, if I’m not mistaken, it’s 118 beats per minute stake, and it’s 118 beats per minute. So you automatically, um, mimics a double heart rate, um and a resting heart rate. So, subliminally, that’s putting your audience into a state of energy as well, and it puts you into that state of energy, um, and then, subliminally, people are hearing are you gonna go my way right, and so I want because eventually I want them to see the world through my lens, right and and present them, maybe, some ideas that they hadn’t thought. So I needed to come on this journey with me. So are you going to go my way? So, for so many reasons I’ve picked my song, but it it’s. You know somebody, we need that.
Tyler Foley:
Uh, if anybody’s ever watched a documentary like if you’ve seen I am not your guru with the tony robbins one, he has the rebounder right, like he needs. He needs physical exercise to get himself up and he literally gets himself up and going and, uh, he has a. You know, it’s his routine, it’s, it’s what feels comfortable for him. He keeps that going, Something like that. I know, for me I can’t be doing this backstage. I need to find a calm and a center, but I need to hear that music to come on, to know it’s a subliminal cue for me. I’ve trained myself to know Music comes on. So does Tyler. You are on, you know, and it picks me up. That’s awesome.
Tim Newman:
Yeah, and again, I hope that’s something that resonates with people. You know to find whatever it is, you can’t go out on stage or in front of people, just oh, here I am, Okay, let’s go ahead and get started. It sends a completely wrong message. Yeah.
Tyler Foley:
And you can’t always have a walk-on song Like the corporate gig that I did in the Porsche at nine o’clock yesterday in front of 30 people. I wasn’t getting to have Lenny Kravitz, but you know for sure I was singing it in my head.
Tim Newman:
You could have it in your head. I had it in my head.
Tyler Foley:
And that’s the thing. Like you, you need to have that Like, as weird as it is, even if you have the opportunity to put on headphones before you’re introduced and even play the song for yourself, um. And if you can’t do that because you can’t have device in your ear for whatever reason, singing your song in your head, getting that focus, that training your body to know it’s go time, um, is critical.
Tim Newman:
Yeah, that’s awesome, that’s awesome. Well, where can people buy your book?
Tyler Foley:
Well, honestly, they can buy it at any bookstore. Uh, my publisher, morgan James, did a wonderful job of getting it distributed throughout the world. Actually, I think it’s in over 40 countries only in one language, unfortunately, right now. Right now we are trying to get it translated into french and spanish, but the? Uh, honestly, your local bookstore would be a great place to go.
Tyler Foley:
And if there’s people in your audience who are thinking to themselves I don’t like to leave the comforts of my house and I really enjoy this online shopping thing I would strongly encourage you, then, to go to bookshoporg. Bookshoporg just sells books. It’s what Jeff Bezos’ site used to be 20 years ago, but now Jeff is flying to space in phallic-shaped rockets and doesn’t need more of your money. But your local mom-and-pop bookstore, your independent book retailer, very likely is struggling right now and they can use all of your support. And one of the nice things about bookshoporg is it’s all the convenience of online shopping, but we’ll connect you directly with your local book retailer, and when you get connected with your local book retailer, you’re helping them out in the sale.
Tyler Foley:
The other nice thing about bookshoporg is that a lot of times, you can find your favorite titles for slightly less than what they retail for in a store. So my book normally goes for $17.95 on the bookshelf, but if you buy it through bookshoporg it’s like $16.50. To your local book retailer. And bookshoporg pools a percentage of all of its sales, for all of the titles that it sells throughout its platform, into a fund that book retailers can apply to for financial aid and relief, and right now I believe they’ve raised over $35 million. So it’s an excellent, excellent place. If you are a consumer of the written word and you enjoy literature, whether that’s nonfiction like mine, or fictional titles, if you are buying books, bookshoporg is the place to do it. So if you’re going to buy the book online, please go to bookshoporg or venture out into the world. It’s spring, have a walk, go talk to your local book retailer, buy a book, buy a few, have a coffee. Enjoy the read.
Tim Newman:
Well, I’m really glad that you said that I had no idea that that site existed and I will be sharing that bite out wide to a lot of people. How about if somebody wanted to find you and work with you?
Tyler Foley:
Well, the best place they could find me is on the website, and that’s SeanTylerFoleycom. Sean is spelled the proper Irish way, s-e-a-n, like Connery or Penn or any of the other famous Sean’s. But we’ll have that, I’m sure, in the show notes, tim, which means that they’re already on your platform.
Tyler Foley:
So, before they hop over to my platform, I would appreciate it if they’re a regular consumer of your content, if they’re coming to Speaking With Confidence regularly and they’re enjoying what you’re putting out. They have to scroll past you to get to me. So before they skip you, give Tim a five-star review. If you could give Tim a five-star review and say why Don’t just click the little things? There’s a little text box below it that says comments, put in why. What was one of your favorite guests? What’s one of the nuggets that Tim has provided? What is something that brings you back Like what are you regularly consuming? That’s going to help everybody in this scenario. It’s going to help Tim with the programming because he’ll know what you’re listening to. It’s going to help you because he’s going to bring you the stuff that you want to listen to. And it’s going to help me because the more people who are subscribing and getting value out of this, the more people are likely to hear this episode, which means they’re more likely to connect and resonate with me. So if you could do us all the favor that a five-star review and a comment on why for speaking with confidence. If you’re willing to do that, then keep scrolling down. You’ll see the link to sean tyler foleycom and if you click that link and you have given a five-star review as my thank you to you for doing that and helping everybody else everybody in this, this scenario out I will give you a free PDF download of the book so you don’t have to go to bookshoporg or your local retailer to buy the book and you can start to read what it’s like and then, if you want a physical copy, you can go get it.
Tyler Foley:
We’ll also give you access to my drop the mic speaker series, which is seven five minute videos that are specifically designed to give you instantly actionable items that will make you a better speaker. And we’ll give you access to my private Facebook group Endless Stages where I go live every Tuesday at noon Pacific three Eastern time and give usually a 10 to 15-minute presentation on whatever happens to be the hot topic of the day. So you’ll get a free PDF copy of the book, the training videos and access to the private Facebook group for clicking on the link. We’ll go there, but only if you give a five-star review. No five-star review, no free gifts for you Got it.
Tyler Foley:
Tyler. Thank you so much. Got it. Honestly, tim, it was the least I could do for the work that you are doing. What you are doing matters. It’s important. I know you know the impact that it has and obviously your audience knows the impact that it has because they’re coming back time and time again. So it honestly is the least that I could do for the privilege of getting to come on and share with your audience and have this conversation.
Tim Newman:
I really do appreciate the opportunity. Well, I can. You’re awesome, you’re phenomenal and I hope everybody gives five-star reviews to both Tyler and myself, and I appreciate it. Tyler, thank you again so much. You take care and we’ll talk to you soon, bud, Excellent, thank you.
Tim Newman:
Let’s take a few minutes to reflect on our conversation with Tyler Foley and the items he covered about public speaking. As I mentioned in the introduction, tyler puts his very own perspective and spin on the things, which allows the message to sink in and resonate, whether he was talking about motivation and the ways we have been trained to react to both positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. Tyler’s use of real stories and examples told in a down-to-earth manner are relatable to just about anyone. As you listen to him, you find yourself nodding your head in agreement or chuckling because you recognize yourself in what he is saying. One of the other parts of the conversation that hit home for me was when he focused on the pre-talk routine you may have heard me talk about before is the idea of starting each public speaking event with a welcome song. I loved hearing about Tyler’s routine where he shared about putting himself in the right mindset, because he also talked about getting into the audience’s mindset so that he could be in the right frame of mind to serve them. Once again, I think Tyler hit the nail on the head by just slightly shifting the focus and illustrating a key point in a very unique and meaningful way.
Tim Newman:
I want to thank Tyler again for his time. He provided some truly inspiring advice. Please be sure to leave us a five-star review to gain access to Tyler’s valuable resources. Please make sure you visit the Speaking with Confidence website and join our growing community. Sign up for special updates regarding the June 1st launch of the Formula for Public Speaking. Also, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss any episodes. You can download, like and share the podcast with friends. Always remember your voice has the power to change the world. We’ll talk to you next time. Take care, thank you.