Have you ever wondered why some interviewers can draw out powerful, authentic stories from their guests, while others get nothing but surface-level, forgettable responses? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I dive into the art and science of interviewing not as the one answering questions, but as the one skillfully guiding the conversation.
As your host, Tim Newman, a former college professor turned communication coach, I take you behind the scenes to reveal how top interviewers turn every exchange into a meaningful dialogue. While I typically invite guests onto the show, today it’s just you and me, focusing on a transformative communication technique that can immediately elevate your interviewing skills, whether you’re creating content, leading teams, or deepening everyday conversations.
By the end of this episode, you’ll be equipped to:
- Use the mirroring technique to draw out richer, more authentic responses
- Combine mirroring with careful labeling to acknowledge and explore emotional undercurrents
- Pause intentionally to give your guest space and show you’re listening
- Avoid presumptive labeling and instead use safe, observation-based language
- Adjust your approach for virtual interviews, from camera placement to audio checks and bridging gaps during technical hiccups
- Practice with concrete phrases and real-life scenarios so you can implement these tools right away
I challenge you to try mirroring and labeling in your next conversation, and notice the difference it makes. Share your observations with us. Progress over perfection is the goal.
And don’t forget, you can grab my free ebook, “Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers and How to Overcome Them”, or sign up for my Formula for Public Speaking course at speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com. As always, remember: your voice is power. Keep practicing, keep growing, and I’ll see you next time!
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Transcript
Tim Newman [00:00:08]:
Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence Podcast helps you build the soft skills that lead to real results. Communication, storytelling, public speaking, and showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. I’m Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach and I’m thrilled to guide you on a journey to becoming a powerful communicator. Thank you so much for supporting the shows. We have listeners in 143 countries and 2,709 cities across the world. So please continue to share, like and subscribe to the podcast so we can continue to encourage people to speak with confidence. I’ve talked about interviews and starting conversations in the past before every podcast when I have a guest, we always have a brief call a week or more before the actual interview. We talk about the direction of the show and what value the guest will bring to you, our audience.
Tim Newman [00:01:00]:
On interview day, I do not have scripted questions because I want the interview to be more conversational. Today I’m going to talk about interviews from the standpoint of you being the interviewer, not the interviewee. This is a function of preparation and research and the techniques I’m going to show you you can start using today. So why do interviewers like Joe Rogan or Tim Ferriss draw out memorable, deeply personal stories while others get flat and forgettable answers? Much of it comes down to how they open the conversation. The first question sets the tone. It signals safety and determines whether the guest will hold back or engage fully. And today we’re focusing on a simple but powerful tool used by leading interviewers and negotiation trainers, which is called the mirroring technique. You’ll see exactly how it works, the precise words to use, and how a small shift can turn guarded replies into authentic, revealing answers.
Tim Newman [00:02:00]:
So let’s start with an example. In FBI negotiation training, mirroring is a core rapport building skill. Picture a negotiator responding to I I just need to be heard With a calm upward tone, you just need to be heard. This Chris Voss style prompt subtly invites the other person to keep talking. Now contrast that with a journalist who interrupts mid sentence. One approach draws the speaker in, the other can cause them to pull back. And mirroring isn’t just parroting entire sentences, it’s echoing the last three to five words or a key phrase with a slight rise in tone so it becomes a gentle question. If your guest says we struggle during the product launch, you might mirror during the product launch.
Tim Newman [00:02:53]:
That signal tells them you’re tracking closely, and more importantly, it opens up space for them to elaborate. One thing to avoid is robotic repetition make your mirror words sound conversational and match the guest’s pace and delivery. Research on rapport and elicitation shows mirroring activates reciprocity and helps people feel understood. And experiments on trust building show that perceived trustworthiness and reciprocal gestures increase willingness to disclose. The simple act of reflecting someone’s words back to them can shift the dynamic from go guarded to cooperative. To make this shift happen, pause noticeably after you mirror. Hold the silence long enough that the guest has room to continue. It’s that quiet moment often draws out layers they hadn’t planned to share to begin with.
Tim Newman [00:03:47]:
Support it with nonverbal cues like a slight head tilt or raised eyebrows to show you expect more. Here are some quick phrasing templates. The guest says, it was a turning point for our team. You would say a turning point. If the guest says, I’ve never told the story before, you would say, never told the story before. When you add labeling to mirroring, start safely. Use openers like it seems like or it looks like or you seem followed by a neutral descriptor, such as frustrated or passionate or hesitant. This lets you acknowledge emotion without making any risky assumptions.
Tim Newman [00:04:36]:
If you miss the mark, you can always say, I might be wrong. Help me understand. And once you’ve mastered Miriam’s rhythm, you’re ready to combine it with emotion labeling to uncover what’s beneath the surface. And that’s where the conversation can shift in powerful ways. Picture this. Your guest is sitting across from you, holding back tears. You say, it seems like this memory still carries a lot of weight for you. That’s labeling, saying what you observe in their words or body language.
Tim Newman [00:05:08]:
And it’s a proven rapport tool used in negotiation and investigation interviewing. You’re not repeating their words you’re naming the emotion. You can reasonably infer from what you’re seeing or hearing. Here’s where many interviewers slip presumptive labeling. And that’s when you assign an emotion as fact, such as you must be devastated. That’s risky because it boxes them in observation. Labeling is different. It reflects what you’ve observed in a way that invites confirmation or correction.
Tim Newman [00:05:43]:
For example, your voice dropped when you mentioned that. It seems like that topic brings up some frustration. Did I read that right? This seems like or it looks like preface keeps it safe and allows the other person to steer the emotional definition. Start with neutral labels tense, hesitant, conflicted, proud, or thoughtful that don’t actually push the guest into a defensive position. If you miss, you can use a simple recovery line, I might be wrong. Help me understand Acknowledging their correction shows you’re listening and willing to adjust for the strongest results. Mirror first to reflect the fact, then label the emotion connected to it. Research in FBI rapport training shows that ordering matters.
Tim Newman [00:06:39]:
Facts open the door. Feelings invite deeper explanation. One tight sequence to practice is number one, mirror the last few words, 2 pause briefly and then 3 label with seems like or it looks like plus your observation and 4 invite them to confirm or correct. Here’s how it plays out. The guest says we nearly went bankrupt. You nearly went bankrupt with a pause. It seems like that was a high pressure time. Did I get that right? When you combine Miriam’s prompts with labeling’s acknowledgment, you give your guest space to expand beyond the surface.
Tim Newman [00:07:26]:
Over time, you’ll start spotting the small cues a change in tone or a shift in posture that tell you when to apply the sequence. And once you can read those clues clearly, the next challenge is making sure the same approach works even when you’re not in the same room. Most interviewers treat virtual conversations like in person ones, and that’s why they risk losing connection early. Remember, the rules shift online if you miss those adjustments and your guests may close off. Get them right and the exchange can feel just as rich. First, slow your pace when nearing latency. Online can cut people off if you respond too quickly, so leave a slightly longer pause than you would in person. That extra space helps prevent overlap and signals that you’re listening.
Tim Newman [00:08:18]:
Second, position your webcam at eye level with chest up framing and a touch of headroom so when you nod or tilt your head, it feels natural and clear to the person on the other side. When video freezes, switch from visual mirroring to verbal cues. Short acknowledgments like I’m following or Go on. Keep the conversation moving and reassure your guests that you’re still engaged. If bandwidth is unstable, supplement labeling with a quick message in chat, for example. That sounds like a turning point. To maintain the emotional thread before you start, run a brief test call to check audio, video, and connection quality. This preparation allows you to focus fully on the conversation instead of troubleshooting mid interview.
Tim Newman [00:09:07]:
Reduce technical distractions by silencing notifications, closing bandwidth, heavy apps, and using a wired Internet connection, if possible. When mirroring online, speak a little more clearly and slightly slower than usual so keywords aren’t lost. To call quality for labeling, notice the pauses and tone shifts that are still visible or audible on video, and name them gently. I notice you paused. Seems like this brings up mixed feelings. If a freeze happens at a reflective moment, you can address it directly. Your video froze. Were you thinking about how to phrase that? This turns a glitch into an opportunity for depth.
Tim Newman [00:09:50]:
A useful preparation step is to have three anchor phrases ready, such as let me reflect that back or sounds like and then give a summary and what I’m hearing is and then explain these work as bridges during lag or awkward gaps and before a real interview. Do a short practice sessions with a colleague on the same platform to rehearse mirroring and labeling at a digital pace. And when you integrate these adjustments, virtual interviews can carry the same level of connection as face to face ones, giving you all the benefits of rapport even through a screen and setting you up to link every technique into a seamless conversation. This is the move top interviewers and negotiation trainers use consistently because it reliably opens space for more detail. Mirroring helps invite expansion. Labeling surfaces of the emotional layer and adapting your pacing online keeps both working in virtual settings. Try this small experiment in your next conversation. Mirror the last three words they say, pause, then label what you observe with a neutral seems like or it looks like and see if they expand or correct.
Tim Newman [00:11:06]:
Note the difference and share one sentence in the comments about what changed. It’s a simple way to practice these tools and track your own results. Remember, we’re looking for progress, not perfection. That’s all for today. Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com to get your free eBook, the Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers and How to Overcome Them. You can also register for the Formula for Public Speaking course. Always remember, your voice is a power to change your world. We’ll talk to you next time.
Tim Newman [00:11:39]:
Take care.