Rewiring Fear: Hypnotherapy Tools for Confident Speaking and Leadership Success

Tim Newman [00:00:10]:
Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, the podcast that helps you build the soft skills that lead to real results. Communication, storytelling, public speaking, and showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. I’m Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach, and I’m thrilled to guide you on your journey to becoming a powerful communicator. Today’s guest is Amy Coford. Amy brings a fascinating twist to the confidence conversation. She is a certified hypnotherapist, speaker, and author of Hardwired to Rise, a book that helps understand and overcome fear so it stops running the show. Through her work with clients, athletes and audiences, she’s helping people tap into the subconscious mind. Try replace anxiety with calm and fear with focus.

Tim Newman [00:00:56]:
We’re diving into what hypnosis really is, why it works, and how it can transform the way you communicate with others and with yourself. Amy, welcome to Speaking With Confidence. I’m really excited to have you on and have this conversation today.

Amy Koford [00:01:11]:
Thank you. I’m so happy to be here. Thank you, Tim.

Tim Newman [00:01:15]:
You know, when we did the pre interview, I told you I’ve not had a hypnotherapist on, and so I’m excited about that. But you’re known as a Hackney hip, as, excuse me, as a happy hypnotist. I love that. And how do you get that? How do you get that name?

Amy Koford [00:01:32]:
Well, so one of the ways that it came about is that the main clientele that I’ve been helping over the years have struggled with depression and anxiety. So I’ve become an expert at helping people with depression and anxiety. And as a result, I just started saying that I help people be happy. So there’s two. Two reasons why I made me the happy hypnotist. Number one, I want to help people be happy. And number two, I love to be happy myself. So it just fit.

Tim Newman [00:02:05]:
Yeah. Isn’t that kind of. Kind of, kind of weird and strange? You know, when I talk to people, I said kind of along the same lines, if you want to be mad, you can be mad if you want. That’s, you know, it’s a choice. You could be happy, you could be sad, you could be excited, you could be whatever you want. And I get it. There’s times that we’re mad or we’re sad or whatever, those types of things. But I think we do have to look at things and say, you know what, this is a choice.

Tim Newman [00:02:33]:
And it’s not who I want to live my life. Right.

Amy Koford [00:02:36]:
Yes, absolutely.

Tim Newman [00:02:38]:
And I tell people a lot. I like to have fun. If I’m not having fun in something that I’m doing, it really becomes work and I don’t want to do that. I want to have fun and I joke and play and those types of things. I just think that mindset is critical to our success all the way around.

Amy Koford [00:02:59]:
Absolutely. And that’s what I found with experience as most people, you live and learn.

Tim Newman [00:03:06]:
Yeah.

Amy Koford [00:03:07]:
And I’m just much prefer to be happy. In the past, whenever I went through a bout of depression, oh, I just, I couldn’t stand it because it wasn’t me. I like being happy. So it was just so against my nature that I felt like I would just do anything and everything to get out of that. Because this is, this doesn’t feel natural to me because it’s not. I, I like to be happy.

Tim Newman [00:03:34]:
That’s good because again, we won’t go down that road. But you know, what led you into hypnosis as a profession? Was there a moment that you realized it was your calling? Was there another event that kind of said, you know what, this is something that I need to look into. How did it happen?

Amy Koford [00:03:53]:
Okay, so part of it was my past experiences. When I went through a couple of bouts of depression, I would go to regular therapists and it just wasn’t cutting it for me. And I have all respect for therapists. I have several close friends that are therapists. So it’s nothing. It just for me personally, I’m a problem solver and I’m not that patient with getting results. And so I just was like, this is taking too long. And you know, so later on in life I’ve been a stay at home mom for a while and I’m ready to go back to work, my kids are growing up and it was kind of that interesting time of life where I said, you know, I would love to find more.

Amy Koford [00:04:36]:
What am I here on this planet to do that is going to really be good. And so I started to pray and put it out there and ask what is my thing, you know, what, what can I do on this planet to make it better? And to my surprise, I started to look into hypnosis and I didn’t understand why at the time, but I just became really interested in it and I decided that I needed to go to a hypnotist to see what it was like and to see if I wanted to pursue this path. And so I went to a hypnotist and I really liked it. And I just kept having these little nudges, you know, like my sister in law was saying, oh, I’ve been to a hypnotist recently and I loved it. And so just things kept falling into place and I found a place to certify and while I was in school, so I had to go to about three months of school and it was a lot. It was about 14 hours a week. And one day when I was in class, I was sitting there going, what am I doing? What? Why am I becoming a hypnotist? Is anyone around here going to be open minded enough for this? What am I doing? And so I started to really question my choice here while I was in school for it. And in that moment I just had a really strong voice that said, you need to do this, it’s really important and you’re going to help a lot of people.

Amy Koford [00:06:14]:
And it was one of those moments. I have not had very many of those in my life, but there’s been a handful or so where I just, it was so convincing that I literally looked around my shoulders to see who said that. And it turns out, you know, that that’s definitely what the case was. As soon as I became a hypnotist, I started getting people with major issues and it was helping them. And so, yeah, that’s how it started is just me asking, asking the universe, asking, God, hey, what is my thing? And getting the answers coming.

Tim Newman [00:06:51]:
Yeah, that’s. I think, I think the why is something that, you know, in all walks of life that we don’t ever really think about until somebody brings it to our attention. You know, why are you doing this? Why did you go down that path? Or, or why are you still doing this? What makes you so passionate about whatever it is that you do? And we don’t really think about it. And I think maybe if we did, I think it would solve a lot of problems for people. I think we would get to wherever it is that we want to go so much quicker if we were a little bit more deliberate in our thinking in those types of things that we do.

Amy Koford [00:07:31]:
Yeah, I agree. It’s been an amazing adventure. I fell in love with it as soon as I started seeing clients. I just, I passionately loved it and I thought, this is my thing. Yay. Like, I love this so much. And so, yeah, it’s very exciting when you do find what you feel like you’re meant to do. And you know, of course my kids, I love them and I, I wanted to be a mom, but I just always knew that there was more to my life than being a mom.

Amy Koford [00:08:05]:
I always knew that. And so when I hit that point where My youngest was going to school, about to go to school, I just said, okay, I know that there’s something I’m supposed to do. I have that just inner knowing.

Tim Newman [00:08:19]:
Right.

Amy Koford [00:08:19]:
So. Right, yeah.

Tim Newman [00:08:21]:
And what was it like when. When you, like you said, you looked around your like, like somebody tapped you in shoulder and say, yeah, you’re. This is it. Because I know. What if. I’ve had it too, you know, I know. What was it. What was it like for you, though? I mean, was it like, oh, my gosh, this is really it.

Tim Newman [00:08:39]:
Okay, this is okay. This is. I mean, for me, that’s what it was. Is that really as okay, this is. This is what we’re doing. And I really put more time and effort and energy into it. So what was it like for you?

Amy Koford [00:08:51]:
Yeah, so at the time, I wasn’t sure if I believed that voice, but I was. It was pretty strong, you know, like I say, it had me looking over my shoulders both directions. Who said that?

Tim Newman [00:09:03]:
Yeah.

Amy Koford [00:09:04]:
And. But yeah, it was when I started to actually do right, when I started seeing clients, that it hit me, whoa, yes, this is it. And I love this. Passionately love this. And when you love something, you’re good at it, and vice versa, right? When you’re good at something, you love it, and when you love it, you’re good at it. And so it just naturally fell into place where I wanted to be the best in the world after that. Once I started some clients, I was like, I want to be the best hypnotist in the world now.

Tim Newman [00:09:41]:
And I’ve seen that you’ve said that on a number of different places. And again, I love that mindset. I love the. The fortitude, the determination of being the best and the drive that it takes to get there. Because you don’t get there by saying you want to be the best. You get there by doing things. You get there by getting better. You get there by learning and then practicing and doing more.

Tim Newman [00:10:04]:
And so to me, there’s that constant, ever evolving learning and trying new things.

Amy Koford [00:10:13]:
Yeah, for sure. So from there, once I started seeing clients, I wanted to be the best. So I had to figure out, well, how do I do that? Because there’s a whole world of knowledge. And so, yeah, I started going to conferences and learning from other people and reading more books and, you know, just associating and learning and more and more and more training, spending a lot of money on it.

Tim Newman [00:10:42]:
You know, we’ll talk near the end of the show about where people can connect with you. But, you know, I was looking on your website. And one of the things I’ve really liked about your website is you have testimonials on there about what you’ve done from your clients. And there’s one that really touched me because I know it said you got him off of sweets, off of sugar. I mean, I’m a diabetic and I had that craving for sugar. Like, right now I wish I could have some sugar. And to be able to do that probably changes life.

Amy Koford [00:11:21]:
Yeah, you betcha. And so there’s a number of things I’ve done with it, but it’s all a learned response. Habits like that, where you just crave sugar, it’s just a learned response. If you were raised in Asia, where they don’t eat sugar much, you wouldn’t be craving sugar right now, you know, so it’s. It’s something that I have to retrain the brain.

Tim Newman [00:11:48]:
Right.

Amy Koford [00:11:50]:
You don’t need the sugar. You know, it’s just a habit.

Tim Newman [00:11:55]:
Okay, I’ll keep telling myself that. So what’s. What is hypnotism? Because, you know, lay people like me, I mean, we don’t. All we know is what we see on tv. Right? What’s the difference?

Amy Koford [00:12:06]:
And I appreciate you bringing that up.

Tim Newman [00:12:08]:
What’s the difference?

Amy Koford [00:12:10]:
Yeah, go ahead. Sorry.

Tim Newman [00:12:11]:
No, no, I was just gonna say, you know, what is it, really? Because again, we have these. These ideas that TV puts in our head, but that’s not really what it is. What is it?

Amy Koford [00:12:21]:
Oh, yeah, how’s it work? There’s so many movies and TV shows that perpetuate this zombie like state where you don’t have any idea, you don’t know what you’re doing. And that’s not what it’s like. Now. I do hypnosis stage shows. And I will tell you that on the shows, there are sometimes people that’ll do things that they don’t normally do and that sometimes afterwards they don’t remember doing that. However, they are still aware. And I cannot get people to do anything and against their values or. Right.

Amy Koford [00:12:58]:
Like, it’s just. They go along with it, knowing what they’re doing, but they. It’s just fun. It’s just good fun. So they don’t stop themselves. They could. If someone on a show really wanted to stop themselves, they would. And so anyway, what it is, to answer your question, everyone is actually going in and out of hypnosis all the time.

Amy Koford [00:13:27]:
When you’re going into any kind of trance, including autopilot while you’re driving, then that is a type of trance. So there’s a lot to hypnosis and I could explain it for quite a while. In the scientific terms, it’s when you’re going into the theta waves brain state, your brain has different waves of beta, alpha, theta, delta and theta is where you’re really relaxed but not quite asleep. And in the theta waves, your mind is more open and receptive. Those brain waves are bigger than beta, alpha and delta. And so it’s just where you’re in a relaxed state and your conscious mind just kind of moves over. It’s not standing in the way anymore. Because when you’re in a conscious state, waking state, like we are right now, your conscious mind is the gatekeeper and it’s going to filter what’s going in and say, oh, are you sure? And it’s the analytical logical part.

Amy Koford [00:14:31]:
So it gets in the way a lot. And interestingly, even though your subconscious mind is merely a computer, and that’s what we’re working with in hypnosis, that’s what I’m doing is working directly with their subconscious or unconscious mind. Even though it’s a computer that will take what we give it. The, the crazy thing is that the subconscious has a job to keep us alive and safe. Now that’s both good and bad. And I talk about this in my book. Why is it good? Because we want to stay alive and safe. Why is it bad? Because that same job that it has is also what’s keeping us from doing things right? It’s also keeping us in certain habits like sugar.

Amy Koford [00:15:22]:
It’s, you know, so that’s what makes it hard sometimes to change, is that those habits go into the subconscious and it gets convinced over time that this is what you want, this is good for you, Even smoking, you know. So what I have to do then oftentimes in hypnosis is unhypnotize, right? Because you’re hypnotized into these habits of smoking or sugar or anything. And so another definition of hypnosis that’s not scientific that I like is where one person says something and another person believes it to be true and acts upon it as if it is true. So basically what does that tell all you and your listeners? That you’re all hypnotized. Commercials that you watch, right? The way that you were raised, all of that is a way of hypnosis. So there’s a lot to it, right? But that’s the simple way when someone is hypnotized in my office, we’re doing a one on one session, they’re just very relaxed and I can tell when they’re at that state of hypnosis versus just sitting there with their eyes closed. And once I can tell that they are at that state where they’re in the theta waves and they’re, you know, unconscious opens up, then I can get real results because it’s just going to take what I instruct it to do. And I always instruct it in positive ways that are so beneficial.

Amy Koford [00:16:59]:
Just so everyone knows. Nothing, nothing against. Right, right. I’m not going to tell them to give me all of their, they have to give me all their money.

Tim Newman [00:17:12]:
No Robin banks?

Amy Koford [00:17:16]:
No. Handing over their credit cards. No, none of that. And so, you know, it is very beneficial because it is very powerful.

Tim Newman [00:17:31]:
You know, I love the whole idea of it, you know, because it’s, it’s something that, you know, if, if people, you know, sweets or smoking or, or whatever it is, you know, and I know you do a lot of work with athletes and it, and, and it helps with, with, helps with a number of different things. Right. But it’s a different way of looking at things. Especially if people have said that, say they’ve tried things and haven’t worked. Why not be open minded and give something a chance? Right. Because you never actually know if it’s going to work. And I think I told you when we had the pre interview about me trying acupuncture, I said no way it’s going to work. And wow, after the first session was hooked.

Tim Newman [00:18:20]:
Right. But you have to be open minded enough to allow it to work too would be my guess here with hypnosis, is that accurate?

Amy Koford [00:18:30]:
Yes. And oftentimes I’m a last resort. Not as much with smokers because it’s known in the world of smokers that hypnosis is the best. It’s been around for decades, people using hypnosis to stop smoking that became big probably in like the 70s and as a way to stop smoking. But for the other things, sometimes I’m a last resort. And it’s interesting because they’ll come to me and I’ve heard this several times that wow, this helped me in three, five sessions or whatever, more than 20 years of therapy. And so I get that. I think people are more open minded now because people just want results, Right.

Amy Koford [00:19:21]:
They don’t want to take the 20 years of therapy or you know, like if we were talking medical people don’t want to go to a doctor and be told that everything’s perfectly fine, all your tests are normal when they feel like garbage.

Tim Newman [00:19:36]:
Yes.

Amy Koford [00:19:37]:
And so I think because of that like, you with, you know, you did went to acupuncture because you were like, I’ve tried other things that haven’t worked. And now because of that, I’m open to trying things that I want to see if they’ll work. And so it’s kind of like that with hypnosis, where people have tried other things, they’re not satisfied with what they’ve got out of it, and they want to come to me.

Tim Newman [00:20:01]:
Well, so let’s. Let’s kind of shift gears just a little bit. You know, you mentioned that you work with athletes to help them perform, you know, at their highest level, with consistency and confidence. How can, you know, we take that idea and shift it over to speakers and communicators and leaders. What can they take from hypnosis?

Amy Koford [00:20:29]:
Yeah, I love that. Well, there’s a number of things. I’m a speaker too. Right. I’ve done a number of keynote speeches and motivational speeches. And so one is that removing fear. Some speakers, although they’re not as afraid of speaking, obviously some of them have certain fears of not being good enough or what do people think of me, or what if I make mistakes? So there’s some of that with removing fears. And it’s the same with athletes.

Amy Koford [00:21:00]:
By the way, one of the ways that I get athletes to do optimal performance is we have to remove the fears and those fears are learned. Right. In other words, they were not born with those fears, but it happens throughout their lives. Maybe one time in their life, someone said something or like, I had an athlete a few years ago that came to me for golf. He was on a college golf team, and he wasn’t playing as well as he wanted to. And it turns out that one tournament, like five years previously, he had made some mistake that was embarrassing to him, and it kept affecting him even five years later. So we have to go back. We have to resolve that memory in the mind that it’s okay.

Amy Koford [00:21:50]:
You know, it’s okay that that happened. That was then, this is now. Now is this is the way that you play. So it’s similar with speaking. If they have any kind of things that happened in the past that have kind of rattled them a little bit and made them more shy, right Then we have to resolve that. But I also do a lot with confidence, motivation. It’s very powerful with hypnotism. So again, with confidence, I gotta train the brain that this is how they feel now, this is how they believe, and it works wonders.

Amy Koford [00:22:26]:
So, yeah, with speaking when I do. Okay, so comparing it to Athletes, what I’m doing is not only clearing all the stuff, right, all the garbage that might be affecting their game in negative ways, we’re going to clear that out, but then we’re going to replace it. And we replace it not only with confidence, but also I’m training their mind to train the muscles, right? Here is exactly how it’s done perfectly. And so I take them through the process, like I take their mind through the process of, here is what it is. Here is how you move the muscles. Here is what it’s like to do it perfectly. And it’s the same with speaking, all right? You get up on stage, you stand up straight and tall. You use the right voice and tonality and personality, right? You put a lot of enthusiasm into it and you’re asking questions and you, you radiate confidence and, and you know exactly what to say at the right time, the right timing.

Amy Koford [00:23:37]:
So again, I’m training the mind. Here is what a perfect speaking gig looks like. Here’s what it is, here’s what it entails. And then the mind takes that and says, okay. And so, yeah, it helps tremendously to be a more confident speaker.

Tim Newman [00:23:56]:
And can, can that confidence be transferred into other areas of life or is it just, you know, certain times when they’re up in front of people talking.

Amy Koford [00:24:08]:
In terms of confidence, I mean, it usually, it works in the way that we. It depends on how they want it to be. If they want it to be in every area of their life, then I have, of course, include that in the hypnotic session, right, like, and in this area of your life and in this and in all the areas of your life. So, yes, it can improve relationships in your life, right? Personal and professional. It can improve your overall well being, your happiness, your mindset, your motivation, how well you sleep, and so on and so on and so on. So, yes, it just depends on what the client wants. But yeah, of course I can get it to affect positively in every area of their life.

Tim Newman [00:25:01]:
So let me, let me take it just a step further and I’m asking this question for a friend. It’s not me that I’m going to be referencing here, but this person I know is a control freak, not me, asking for a friend. How do you get people like my friend, the control freak, to be able to let go and to truly allow life to happen and feel good about it and let other people do whatever they do and not feel that they have to control every little thing that they do and try and be perfect?

Amy Koford [00:25:41]:
Well, first of all, I do get A lot of control freaks that are worried that they will not be able to be hypnotized, they’ll say, I don’t think I can. I’m too scared of losing control. And so I’ll say, well, you could resist if you wanted to, but that’s not why you’re here.

Tim Newman [00:26:00]:
Resistance is futile.

Amy Koford [00:26:01]:
Right. So you can. You can resist all you want, but that’s really not why you’re here. Right. What you want are these results. And in order to get results, you have to let me do my thing and you have to be able to let me. Right. So when it comes to helping someone with.

Amy Koford [00:26:21]:
With control over life again, I would want to know, where does this come from and why is it here? Like, what is it really about? So any, any issue that people bring to me, I want to know what is at the bottom of this? What is really like the very foundation, how did it start and why and when? And because what happens is that you start with that foundation and then it starts to work up. So with any, you know, addiction, all these different things, there is some root cause that’s way at the bottom of it. All.

Tim Newman [00:26:58]:
Right.

Amy Koford [00:26:59]:
So for a control freak, that’s where I would start too. Okay. Why are you this way? And if you don’t want to be this way, then you need to let me figure it out from your unconscious mind, where did this start and why? And now let’s start to resolve this and then work our way forward to your present time and your present self and resolve it now. But we’ve got to figure out what is it really about that’s from your past. Because, like, it is. I mean, it’s definitely from something from their past.

Tim Newman [00:27:35]:
Yeah.

Amy Koford [00:27:35]:
Whether it’s fears, you know, things that happen, something. Something started them on that path of wanting to be a control freak. And it’s fear. It is. You know, they’re afraid of what could happen if they’re not in control or if they feel like they’re not in control.

Tim Newman [00:27:56]:
Right. And that’s. I think everybody that I’ve. That I’ve come across, again, not me, but everybody come across this control freak is they’re afraid of something, right? Afraid of what people think or they’re going to mess up or they’re going to fail or. I mean, I mean, we could go on and on.

Amy Koford [00:28:16]:
Oh, yeah.

Tim Newman [00:28:17]:
They fear that they’re going to let people down, but I mean, whatever it is.

Amy Koford [00:28:22]:
Fear of failure. Yeah. So much.

Tim Newman [00:28:27]:
So, you know, if there’s one exercise, mental training exercise that you would give to Somebody in the boardroom or somebody who’s going to be speaking, what would that be? To help them just initially have that confidence they should be working on.

Amy Koford [00:28:48]:
Oh, well, so you’re asking for something quick, right? Like if I just was. Yes, here, do this quick thing. You know, my, my approach is always to release and replace. That’s just my way that I prefer. Now some hypnotists hypnotize, give suggestions and pull them out. I like to release and replace and then so the replace is the suggestions and then pull them out. So in this case, I would probably have them close their eyes and just start to explore, you know, what is the one thing right now that you want to eliminate that’s holding you back or getting in your way or causing you kind of any suffering? Maybe it’s affecting your relationships or your health or your well being in some way. Like what is that one thing? And, and I would have them kind of take out the trash.

Tim Newman [00:30:01]:
That’s, that’s a good analogy, right? Yeah, yeah.

Amy Koford [00:30:03]:
We got to take out the trash of the basement of your mind. And then once we have taken out the trash of that basement, then we’ve got to replace right now, what are the things that you want to be? What do you really want? I mean, that’s one of the first questions I ask clients. What do you want? Because you will never get what you want if you do not know what you want.

Tim Newman [00:30:34]:
Right. You’re right. That goes back to the why, Right.

Amy Koford [00:30:37]:
You know, you gotta know what you want if you want to get what you want. And so, yes, what do you want now? Let’s add what you want to your mind. Right. And so I would do it in different analogies and metaphors of filing it. Sometimes I do that if it’s, you know, just if it’s a quick thing when I’m doing one on ones and I have more time, I go into a lot more detail. But if we, I was just at a board conference, then yeah, it would be all right. We’re going to file away all these things that you really want in different areas of your life and they’re going to be saved like a file on a computer so that they’re just in there permanently accessible and it’s with you always so that this new program works better for you. It serves you, it’s what you want.

Amy Koford [00:31:32]:
You’re happier, your relationships are better, your health is better, you’re making more money, you’re more successful or whatever it is. Right. So release and replace. And I do that in a Number of ways. And I bring up a lot of those in my book.

Tim Newman [00:31:49]:
So do you think that those people that are more focused on the intrinsic types of goals or things that they want. See a better response than the people that, that are after the extrinsic things like, like money or, or status or.

Amy Koford [00:32:14]:
I don’t, I, I think it depends on the person. You know, I, I’ve. That’s what I’ve seen over the years. It kind of depends on the person. Some people, their highest priority is money and things. Some people, their highest priority is relationships or whatever. So it kind of depends on the, the most.

Tim Newman [00:32:34]:
Right.

Amy Koford [00:32:35]:
What they want the most. So, yeah, I mean, it can work for anyone, but it’s, it’s going to be based on. They’re going to get better results if they know what they want and if they have that desire.

Tim Newman [00:32:49]:
Right.

Amy Koford [00:32:49]:
Desire is a big one in getting successful results in hypnotherapy. So if someone wants to stop smoking, I’ll assess on the phone, how done are you? You know, are you right? And I want to know, like, their, their response tells me everything. If they say, oh my gosh, I can’t stand another day of this. I hate it. I’ll say, okay, then this will absolutely work for you. I have 94, 95% success rate with smoking in one session. And if I say, how done are you? And they’re like, well, yeah, I don’t really want to stop. It’s just that I have to because my doctor or whatever.

Amy Koford [00:33:31]:
Right, right. I’ll say, nope, it’s not going to work.

Tim Newman [00:33:34]:
Right.

Amy Koford [00:33:35]:
You don’t want it. You have to want it.

Tim Newman [00:33:40]:
I don’t know that I want to give up sugar. I’m just kidding. I mean, it’s, it’s, it is a struggle for me. And I got, I have to get, I have to stop it. But that’s a different discussion. We’ll talk about another day.

Amy Koford [00:33:56]:
Yeah, we’ll talk about it. Because there’s a lot of options for you that way.

Tim Newman [00:34:01]:
Well, let’s talk about your book, Hardwired to Rise. How did that again, how did that come about? Because as we were talking before we started this, the whole book writing process, it’s not for the faint of heart.

Amy Koford [00:34:16]:
It is not. It was a huge project. So it started out with me feeling like I needed to write a book about fear. One thing that I noticed. So I’ve done thousands of sessions over the years, and like I mentioned earlier, a lot of those sessions were related to depression and anxiety. And even with smoking and sports performance and all the things that I help people with, I started to notice that there was fear in all of it. I can kind of remember that. Yeah.

Amy Koford [00:34:58]:
At some point, I had an epiphany and said, oh, my goodness, it’s all fear. Like, pretty much every struggle that I’ve ever helped anyone with, it’s just fears. Different types of fears, different ways that it shows up. And so one day, I felt strongly inspired, just out of the blue, like, you need to write a book about fear. I think it’s that same voice that told me, yeah, you’re going to help a lot of people. You need to do this. And I resisted at first. I got to tell you that when I first had that, like, strong voice in me that said, you need to write a book about fear, I said, no, I’m not writing a book.

Amy Koford [00:35:40]:
No, I’ve already got enough going on in my life. I have five kids, you know, no, I’m busy with my clients, and I’m doing all. I’m doing shows and blah, blah, blah. And so anyway, the voice one. In fact, I started writing my book about an hour later. After debating and kind of weird fighting with this voice, I started writing it about an hour later. And what I discovered is that, number one, I liked it. And number two, it was just coming to me so readily, so easily.

Amy Koford [00:36:15]:
And so the first draft just poured out of me, Right. But then, hang on, then I had to do the revisions, and that where it’s. It gets to be a beast. The first revision, it took me weeks and weeks and weeks and just like a thousand hours. And after that first revision, I said, oh, my gosh, that was awful. And I put it aside and I said, I don’t want to touch that for a few months. And then it started to nag me. And so that’s kind of how it went for about a year and a half until I finally finished it.

Amy Koford [00:37:00]:
And even after I thought it was finished, I sent it off to an editor, got it back, and I went through every paragraph numerous times. I would read it out loud. And so that last revision after the editor, whoo, that was the most time consuming of all. Yeah. And I kept making more and more improvements and changes, even in that last draft, because I thought, man, this. I want this to be such a good book. I want it to just be, like, outstanding. And so with that in mind, every revision, I just.

Amy Koford [00:37:34]:
Nope. It’s got to be better. It’s got to be better. And I want it to be a good read. I want it to Be fun. I don’t want it to be like a college team text where it’s just instructing you. I want it to be interesting. And so, yeah, I mean, it was.

Amy Koford [00:37:47]:
Woo. It took me about a million hours.

Tim Newman [00:37:53]:
But. But it’s done and.

Amy Koford [00:37:55]:
And it’s good and I love it and it turned out great. I’m very proud of it. And it’s now an international bestseller. I just got that seal on my cover last week.

Tim Newman [00:38:06]:
That is awesome. Congratulations.

Amy Koford [00:38:08]:
Officially a bestseller. And I’m super happy about that.

Tim Newman [00:38:12]:
It’s a lot of work and you should be really proud. And again, it’s a good book. And I want to talk about Chapter nine. That was the one that really kind of hit home with me. It’s the one about from insecure to confident. I’m sure that shocking to everybody.

Amy Koford [00:38:31]:
So did you read the whole book?

Tim Newman [00:38:32]:
I skimmed the whole book. I read a couple chapters in depth, you know, and this is really kind of.

Amy Koford [00:38:40]:
I’m impressed. I’m happy about that.

Tim Newman [00:38:45]:
And I do this because, you know, if we’re going to have a conversation about it, I need to really be informed. And again, so my audience knows is I’m doing the work so that we can get you all some really good value and that you.

Amy Koford [00:38:57]:
Can.

Tim Newman [00:38:58]:
You. You could do something with this. Right? You know?

Amy Koford [00:39:01]:
Yes, absolutely.

Tim Newman [00:39:02]:
Because otherwise, you know, I could. You, Amy, I could just call you on the phone and you. And you and I can talk. Right.

Amy Koford [00:39:09]:
And that’s true. So true.

Tim Newman [00:39:11]:
And I want to make sure that we’re helping people. That’s. That’s why I do this.

Amy Koford [00:39:14]:
Me too.

Tim Newman [00:39:14]:
Is to help people.

Amy Koford [00:39:15]:
So I want to help people. That’s why I finished my book.

Tim Newman [00:39:19]:
That’s.

Amy Koford [00:39:20]:
Yep. You know, to make the world better, to help people.

Tim Newman [00:39:26]:
You could read it to your kids and that’d be great. If you didn’t want to help people. Right. It would just be something that we do. And there’s the one piece in the chapter, and I chuckled when I first saw it. It’s a fo. What? The fear is what others think.

Amy Koford [00:39:45]:
Yeah. The fear of what others think. Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:39:50]:
I make acronyms and short little things about things all the time. And that’s the first time that I’ve seen. Seen that. And I chuckled. But it’s not a laughing matter because. And I literally had this conversation with my wife this morning about why do we as individuals care so much about what other people think? And the point that I made to her was, it’s not that I don’t care what other people Think it’s just that it’s not what drives my life. I care what my inner circle thinks of me very, very much. And that does drive a lot of what I do.

Tim Newman [00:40:34]:
But I don’t necessarily care what people outside my inner circle think because they don’t know me. I want to help people, but I don’t make decisions based on the things that they say. As a whole, I still don’t want to mess up. I still get nervous when I’m on stage. I still get nervous when I talk to people. I don’t care what people. I’m not the person that gets. That cares about if people care about what I wear, like some of the younger generation does.

Tim Newman [00:41:06]:
But there still is that whole idea of, yes, people are judging me that we internalize.

Amy Koford [00:41:14]:
Yeah, I really like that chapter. And if you read the whole chapter, you saw my story about how I was very insecure and how much better it is to not be. And so, yeah, insecurities are a kind of fear. And why do people care so much about what others think? Because we. It goes. Later on in the book, I talk about love and acceptance, and I kind of bring it up a little bit throughout the book. Everyone, without exception, wants to be loved and accepted. Everyone.

Amy Koford [00:41:49]:
There is not a person on the planet. I don’t care if it’s a tyrant or a dictator or. Right. Some person that. With a bad attitude. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. And so I think because that is one of our highest emotional needs, that that’s why we care about what other people think. We want to be loved and accepted.

Amy Koford [00:42:15]:
And so I talk in that book about the way that people handle being insecure. And did you find it interesting? I think it’s interesting because you can be just a little bit, like, nervous or you can be all the way to a dictator about it. Yes, it’s. So I really like that chapter, too.

Tim Newman [00:42:36]:
And. And I, you know, as. As I was reading that, I was thinking about people that I know all along that continuum. Right.

Amy Koford [00:42:41]:
Yeah, it’s. It’s interesting, isn’t it? Narcissists. I bring up narcissism and how I’ve learned over the years that what that really is is someone that’s super insecure. Yeah. Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:42:59]:
I was coaching somebody, one of my clients on Tuesday, and we were having a discussion about how he was. He was really struggling with one person on his team. And he. He said, there are lost cause. And I said, hold on. There’s no. Nobody’s a lost cause. Nobody.

Tim Newman [00:43:20]:
You just have to. You Just haven’t figured out how to reach her. You haven’t figured out how to, you know, whatever it is, what makes her tick. And he said, tim, I love that you truly see that in everybody. And I said, well, you as the leader have to start seeing that in everybody. You can’t just start writing. You can’t write people off because people can pick up on that and they can see that. And this person may not ever be your top performer.

Tim Newman [00:43:51]:
I’m not saying that they will be, but. But you have to do, as a leader, you have to be the one that figures out what makes this person tick and start pulling that goodness out of her and bringing her along.

Amy Koford [00:44:04]:
I agree. And I would also add to that that as a leader, the leader themselves has to be that they have to see the greatness within themselves and connect to that and love themselves as. Because that’s what’s going to make them a good leader. If they want the people that they lead to be that way, then they have to be that way. It’s like, I’m big on self love and that’ll be my next book because there’s so much to say about that and so much that I’ve learned about that. But what I’ll tell, like if I have someone that’s a parent that doesn’t love themselves, they’ll be, you know, I’ll say, how much do you love yourself? And they’ll say, zero or one or whatever. I always make an assessment and I’ll say, well, okay, you have kids, right? And they’ll say, yeah. Do you want your kids to love themselves? Well, yeah, of course I’ll say, guess what? Kids are smart.

Amy Koford [00:45:03]:
If you want your kids to love themselves, you have to love yourself. Because they know kids are smart. They can pick up on that. So it’s the same principle that you’re bringing up with your leader client, Right. You want to, if you want them to do well, you have to have that within you.

Tim Newman [00:45:22]:
Right? Exactly. Exactly. You know, and yeah, and you know, I, I did see his eyes open up and his willingness to, to embrace that. That idea.

Amy Koford [00:45:34]:
Yep.

Tim Newman [00:45:34]:
And you know, I think that at least in that situation, he’s getting so caught up in minutia and the back and forth of. Because I pointed something out to him, because I actually saw some interactions with him and this person. And I said, you know, this is what I saw. And he said, well, I didn’t realize I did that. I said, yeah. And I actually made a comment to somebody at the time that you did that. And I said that that can’t happen because it’s. It’s.

Tim Newman [00:46:10]:
And.

Amy Koford [00:46:11]:
Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:46:11]:
And. And it was one of those. It was. It was one of those things that, that, you know, if I’m in that person’s position, I can see why there’s some animosity from that person to my client.

Amy Koford [00:46:26]:
Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:46:26]:
Even though. Even though he didn’t and didn’t mean anything by it. It was a. It was one of those kind of wouldn’t say a throwaway line because it obviously was significant. Right. But he thought it was just kind of a throwaway.

Amy Koford [00:46:43]:
Oh, interesting. Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:46:45]:
And so that’s. That’s the other. The other piece to that. And getting back to the whole. Whole idea of. Of the fear right now. This. This person that’s on his team, she feels like there’s.

Tim Newman [00:46:59]:
There’s no winning. I’m a failure. I’m not. He doesn’t believe in me. And that’s the behavior that you’re going to get. That’s the performance that you’re going to get. And you have to. We have to be really careful about how we approach people and speak to them, even on things that we don’t think that they see or hear.

Amy Koford [00:47:19]:
And that comes back to what I was saying about what is hypnosis and how one of the definitions is one person believes it to be true and the other believes and acts upon it as if it is true. So with that client of yours, the person right now, if they believe that they’re going to act upon it, I’m a lost cause. Right? Now they tell themselves that that is hypnosis. So again, sometimes what I’m doing is taking people out of hypnosis. Right. So if she has this program running this hypnosis of I’m a lost cause, I would have to take that out of her saying, we’ve got to take that hypnosis program out.

Tim Newman [00:48:05]:
Right.

Amy Koford [00:48:06]:
Release and replace, which is my way of doing it. Right. We got to release that and replace it with I am extraordinary or whatever. Right. Like I am. So I bring up in my book, the two most important words in our language are I am. And what we put after I am is extremely important.

Tim Newman [00:48:30]:
Amy.

Amy Koford [00:48:30]:
That.

Tim Newman [00:48:30]:
That’s. I think that’s a perfect way to end this. I think that’s. That’s a very powerful statement and something that I hope that the audience really grasps onto that self talk is so critically important.

Amy Koford [00:48:51]:
It is. And that will be my next book because I’ve learned that people are very critical of themselves. And what are the benefits of that. None.

Tim Newman [00:49:02]:
None.

Amy Koford [00:49:03]:
It’s not serving us, but yet people do it anyway. So one thing that I do want to make sure that the listeners know is that you are more than what you think you are. I promise you, whatever you think you are, you are so much more than that. And when you believe that, things get better, much.

Tim Newman [00:49:24]:
Surround yours and surround yourself with people who believe that in you.

Amy Koford [00:49:28]:
Absolutely. Yeah, definitely.

Tim Newman [00:49:32]:
Where can people connect with you?

Amy Koford [00:49:34]:
All right, so amycofer.com spelled Amy Ko Ford. Like the car that has links and things to my upcoming events. Well, I got to get my events on there. I have a couple of events coming up at the end of October, November, December and January, and they are going to be extraordinary in person or streaming events to help people. So I’m going to be doing depression and anxiety revolutionizers every month. And every month is going to be different, a different approach to it, a different aspect of how to overcome depression and anxiety. I’ve done it personally and professionally with clients. My book is on Amazon.

Amy Koford [00:50:18]:
I also have a link to my book on the website and there’s a link to my store on my website. My store has products and things to help you feel better. It’s got audios that you listen to to help you sleep better, to be more confident. You can do my hypnotic program that takes you to optimal levels of thinking and believing and doing. You can stop smoking with me. You know, there’s a number of things and that one session is going to do it for you. I can get you to stop smoking in one session. And so, yeah, there’s a bunch of resources.

Amy Koford [00:50:53]:
I’m on social media under either Amy Coford or Amy the Happy Hypnotist.

Tim Newman [00:51:00]:
I love that. I love that.

Amy Koford [00:51:04]:
Thank you.

Tim Newman [00:51:05]:
Well, thank you so much for spending some time with us today. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. It’s been great.

Amy Koford [00:51:11]:
It really has. Tim, thank you so much. And all of you, you’re loved. You’re amazing.

Tim Newman [00:51:20]:
Take care and we’ll talk to you soon.

Amy Koford [00:51:22]:
All right, thank you.

Tim Newman [00:51:25]:
Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com to get your free eBook, the Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers and How to Overcome Them. You can also register for the Formula for Public Speaking course. Always remember, your voice has the power to change the world. We’ll talk to you next time.

Amy Koford [00:51:40]:
Take care.