Resilient Leadership: Transforming Trauma into Motivation with Brian Fleming

Tim Newman [00:00:06]:
Welcome to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that’s here to help you unlock the power of effective public speaking. I’m your host, Tim Newman, and I’m excited to take you on a journey to become a better public speaker. I really appreciate each and every one of our of of our listeners, and thank you for your support. If each of you could do one thing for me, it would be to give us a 5 star review and share the podcast with someone close to you who would benefit from listening. Today’s guest is Brian Fleming, a retired US army sergeant whose story of resilience and triumph is nothing short of extraordinary. Brian served for 4 years in United States Army as an infantry team leader where he faced some of the most harrowing experiences imaginable. His service included 2 near death encounters. 1st was an IED and then with a suicide bomber attacker in Kandahar, Afghanistan on July 24, 2 2006.

Tim Newman [00:00:56]:
Brian’s bravery and sacrifice earned him a Purple Heart, and he spent 14 months at Brooke Army Medical Center enduring painful burn treatments, reconstructive surgery, and a brain injury rehabilitation. Brian’s journey from a wounded warrior to a global speaker and author is a testament of his resilience and determination. Inspired by the events of 911, he joined the military to serve his country, and his experiences in the battlefield profoundly shaped his life and career choices. Over the past 16 years, Brian has spoken to over half a 1000000 people around the world. He’s authored 4 books and be been featured on nearly every major news network in America. His mission is to show other trauma survivors how to move forward in life and discover more healing through through the power of storytelling. His podcast Podgasm helps people communicate effectively and clearly. Brian, thank you for your service, and and welcome to the show, bud.

Brian Fleming [00:01:48]:
Hey. Thanks for having me on. I appreciate it.

Tim Newman [00:01:51]:
You know, it’s it’s when when I hear your story, it it’s it’s amazing that number 1, you know, you you’ve overcome that when, you know, a lot of our veterans are are really, really struggling, and I and I really do think, you know, this is kind of a side side thing here. I really think we need to do a much better job in taking care of our veterans, you know, especially the ones that that have, have experienced some of the things that you’ve that you’ve experienced.

Brian Fleming [00:02:17]:
Yeah. I agree. It’s a it’s a shifty world out here.

Tim Newman [00:02:21]:
Well well, let’s go ahead and set the table for our listeners. Now you you you joined the army right out of high school, and you were stationed in one of the best and and prettiest locations in the country at at Fort Polk in Leesville, Louisiana. So so let’s let you pick it up from there and and, kinda tell your story.

Brian Fleming [00:02:37]:
Yeah. Like you said, I joined the army straight out of high school as infantry in 2003, so we were already obviously in Afghanistan. 911 was still very fresh, and everybody knew we had to do something. Taliban was launching attacks on our country from that place, and so we had to go and kick their ass in their own backyard. And we did that for a long time. Unfortunately, 20 years later, you know, I won’t get into the politics of how that thing fell apart. But, at least at the time I was in, everybody was on board, and we were very much we very much believed in what we’re doing.

Tim Newman [00:03:09]:
Mhmm.

Brian Fleming [00:03:09]:
I had friends whose families died in New York City on 911, so that really hit close to home for me. And I just felt like I mean, it was 2 it was a couple things. 1, it was I’d studied so hard. I did really good in high school. I had a 4 point o. And the 1st week of my senior year, I went from wanting to go to college and become a doctor to wanting to take a couple years off because I was so fried in my brain. I didn’t wanna just jump into college, but I also wanted to, you know, as most or at least and where I come from, most 18 year old kids, they wanna shoot some machine guns and blow some stuff up because that’s fun. And I got a little more than I asked for, but I, you know, I also put myself in that position, and I take, you know, my my whole portion of responsibility for how my life turned out.

Brian Fleming [00:03:58]:
But, yeah. So I I joined his infantry during the time of war. Some teachers were mad at me. They said, well, you know we’re at war, don’t you? Why are you doing this? And I thought, yeah, that’s kind of the that’s kind of the point. Right. I don’t I don’t know. There there are some people who say, yeah, there are some people who say never fight. Violence is never the answer, and I don’t really hang out with them because even though violence, I believe, should always be the absolute last answer, you shouldn’t have to do it.

Brian Fleming [00:04:24]:
Sometimes it is the only solution to set to punch the reset button, no pun intended, in a situation and redeem respect and civility. And so, you know, this was one you know, on a macro level, a world scale, this was one of those, situations. You can’t just sit back and let a bully keep bullying you and hurting your family. You have to do something. And so you have to be proactive, and you have to go start being violent against the bully. And so that’s pretty much what it was. So I did my 1st year in South Korea, with the 2nd infantry division. Got back, was stay stationed, as you said, at Fort Polk, Louisiana, which I thought was kinda weird because I was assigned to the 10th mountain division, which is a light infantry mountain warfare unit.

Tim Newman [00:05:09]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:05:09]:
And they started a 4th brigade in the swamps of Louisiana, and I thought my orders were wrong. And so I took them back, and I said these orders are wrong.

Tim Newman [00:05:18]:
You know,

Brian Fleming [00:05:18]:
10th mountain’s in New York. They go, no. Private Fleming, you’re wrong. We’re starting a new 4th brigade of the 10th mountain division at Fort Polk, Louisiana. And that’s the first time I I I considered the real definition of the of the phrase military intelligence.

Tim Newman [00:05:32]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:05:33]:
And so yeah. And then they sent me to Afghanistan, which is mostly mountains to fight a war for almost a year.

Tim Newman [00:05:39]:
It’s it’s amazing sometimes. It really is. And, you know, my my brother was stationed for Polk for a while, and and he he retired down there.

Brian Fleming [00:05:47]:
I’m sorry.

Tim Newman [00:05:47]:
I know you and I talked about it a little bit, and, god bless him. He he he loves it there. I mean, it’s out in the middle of nowhere, so he doesn’t let everybody bother him. So that’s the

Brian Fleming [00:05:57]:
That’s that’s the plus. And I will say this. I I really hated the climate and the weather, but the people and the food were great.

Tim Newman [00:06:04]:
Phenomenal. Absolutely.

Brian Fleming [00:06:06]:
Yeah. I still have friends who live there. Yeah.

Tim Newman [00:06:09]:
It’s it’s okay to move. It

Brian Fleming [00:06:11]:
It it it is absolutely okay to move.

Tim Newman [00:06:14]:
We we give you we give you permission. It’s it’s it really is okay. So so you you deployed from Fort Polk to Afghanistan and and pick up your story from there because this is where, you know, I think people you you talk about that’s the you know, the the whole point was to go and and help fight and win this war, and now you’re actually in the war. You’re you’re you’re in the fight. What happens next?

Brian Fleming [00:06:41]:
Yeah. So we arrive in Kandahar Kandahar airfield. I believe it’s about March 15th, 16th, middle of March, 06, and we are there. We go about an hour an hour and a half north of there to to a small kind of village called Calat where Phob Lagman was. That’s where I was, we operated out of while we were there. And about a month later, after arriving on April 18, 2006, my vehicle ran over a double stack of anti tank mines that were buried in the road in the Aragandob River Valley. And so we were an up armored hubby’s at that point, double stack of anti tank mines. They blew up my vehicle, set it on fire, completely destroyed it.

Brian Fleming [00:07:20]:
We were all inside when it happened, obviously, and, we all we all got out. Nobody died, thankfully. 2 guys were injured, but thankfully returned to duty a month later. And I I didn’t sustain any known physical injuries at that point. I wasn’t bleeding or anything like that, so I did I didn’t get medevaced out. So I stayed on the mission, but I did notice I started forgetting things and having headaches every day, and I wouldn’t know this until about a year later. These were signs of a traumatic brain injury from the concussion of the blast that went off underneath our seat. And so stayed on the mission.

Brian Fleming [00:07:57]:
Some people say, wow. You must have gotten a weekend off after that. Right?

Tim Newman [00:08:00]:
No.

Brian Fleming [00:08:01]:
No. We were stranded out there for for 2 or 3 days, and then we we were given a follow on mission on the way back to our base because, hey. You’re already out there. Might as well do something while you’re out there. And so, hey. That’s what we signed up for, though. That’s exactly what we were there for, and we had no problem with it.

Tim Newman [00:08:16]:
Right. So you you get everybody back. Obviously, you you lose the Humvee, and you’re you’re out on another mission, and what happens?

Brian Fleming [00:08:31]:
Yeah. Nothing really happened on that one. We just kinda drove way out of the way.

Tim Newman [00:08:35]:
No. As you move forward to to the to the second incident with with the with the, suicide bomber.

Brian Fleming [00:08:41]:
Yeah. So I I had this this is a few months later on July 24, 2006. I had this idea that I wanted to request my job from infantry to EOD, which is explosive ordnance disposal. They’re the bomb squad. Why I wanted to do this? I have no idea. The things you wanna do when you’re 20, I don’t know. But, anyway, I had this p three, it’s what it’s called, on my medical record, which means I was physically unfit for active duty, which is funny because I’ve been running up and down mountains fighting Taliban for 5 months at that point. And so I had to go down to Kandahar and get reevaluated so I could get that removed from my records so I could continue the the process of changing my job.

Brian Fleming [00:09:21]:
Well, we get 2 miles from the front gate to Kandahar Airfield, which was our final destination, and a a minivan, which I was in the front I was in the front passenger seat of the lead vehicle as a truck commander of about a 15 vehicle convoy, and this white mini van somehow got right up next to me and slammed into my door and exploded. The whole entire van blew up, and it was being driven by a suicide bomber. So he blew up basically from me to this wall and, which is about arm’s length away from me, and I had no idea what happened. I woke up, laying face down in a ditch on the side of highway 1 in Kandahar. My helmet had been blown off my head. My face was a full facing neck, 2nd degree burn, 3rd degree burns, and some of the back of my neck and both my hands, full thickness, 3rd degree. Had no idea where I was. Didn’t didn’t know what happened.

Brian Fleming [00:10:13]:
My first thought when I woke up, because I didn’t remember anything happening. I I don’t recall an explosion taking place. My first thought was, why would I go to sleep here? Kinda funny because just because I didn’t remember laying down there, I thought, how did I get here?

Tim Newman [00:10:27]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:10:27]:
So I did sort of a push up, and I got to my feet. And I thought, well, maybe we’re in a firefight. Well, nobody’s shooting anybody, so that was a plus. And so, well, we’re not fighting. What’s what’s going on? And then I thought, shit. Where’s my weapon? I couldn’t find my weapon. It was still in the vehicle. And in a war zone, your weapon’s like your arm.

Brian Fleming [00:10:43]:
You didn’t go anywhere without it. You don’t go eat. You don’t go to the bathroom. You don’t do you don’t sleep without it. You sleep with it in your arms with you. So, yeah, I had no idea what was going on there. My my driver thankfully was a medic, combat medic who performed his job flawlessly taking care of me and my gunner who were both injured. Called in the 9 line medevac, had the bird there to evacuate his medevac, within within about 30 minutes, which is pretty good time.

Brian Fleming [00:11:11]:
And then I spent I spent the next 14 months at Brooke Army Medical Center, year and 2 months at that hospital, burn treatment, reconstructive surgery, and, their occupational physical therapy, things like that, for getting my body and and my and my brain back from the injuries.

Tim Newman [00:11:29]:
And and and and that’s the the the tough part. You know, I’ll spare the listeners some of the the details that that you’ve shared in the past with with what happens to burn victims and and what they

Brian Fleming [00:11:39]:
have to do and the Oh, I I can tell them that if they wanna hear it.

Tim Newman [00:11:42]:
Well, that go ahead.

Brian Fleming [00:11:44]:
Yeah. What they do is they do a process called debridement, which I did not know they had to do, and I’m thankful my my, my medic didn’t tell me. But the night I got to to Brook Army Medical Center, that was actually the worst part of the whole injury because they took me into the shower room, and they took all my clothes off and they sprayed me down with water. And they said the head nurse looked at me and he said, hey, sergeant Fleming. We’re gonna do this as quickly as possible so it’ll be as painless as possible. And I didn’t know what he meant by that, but it didn’t sound good. And it was at that point him and 2 or 3 other nurses, they all pulled out razor blades,

Tim Newman [00:12:17]:
and

Brian Fleming [00:12:17]:
they had to start shaving and tearing and ripping the burned charred skin off and bloody skin off of my hands, face, and neck while I was still awake because I would have died of infection if they didn’t get my wounds clean. And they don’t put you out for it because they’re afraid you might go into a coma if they have to do it multiple times. So they keep you awake for it. And so you’re be you’re basically being filleted alive, and it’s the the most god awful experience in my life. And I had friends who were burned way worse than me. I can’t even begin to imagine, how how much worse their experience was. But you know what? Those those that military medical community, they kept me alive, and I’m well today because of them, and I’m so grateful.

Tim Newman [00:12:55]:
And and it it’s amazing with the technology that that we have. Like like you said, you know, if these types of things happened, you know, really even into into the eighties, we didn’t have some of this technology and some of the speed and and and, things of that nature. You know, it’s to me, it’s obviously a good thing that we’re taking care and we’re keeping people alive. But on the downside, you know, some of the the the mental issues, the PTSD and and brain injuries, I think we need to do a better job of caring for them and, figuring out how to to treat them better than what we’re doing as well. Because as as you said, you know, you you you you took a blast and that compression injury that that we didn’t even really think about back in the early 2000, now we’re starting to think about that a little bit better as well.

Brian Fleming [00:13:45]:
Yeah. Because and to your point, that’s a very valid point because we’re we’re surviving things that, as human beings, we never could have survived back in, you know, Vietnam or even the eighties like you said. We just we weren’t there medically with technology. Well, now we are. So we’re we’re we’re we’re used to just die. We’re surviving, and there’s effects on that survival end of it. And so it’s just you know, it’s an evolution in in health care and survival, and and I think the human being and the human condition being pushed forward and learning how to continue to adapt and overcome the things that present themselves to us that we didn’t expect, which is actually a concept of life we all need to embrace. Absolutely.

Brian Fleming [00:14:26]:
I mean, think things are going to change. You’re not going to expect them, and you can’t just lay down and die and quit. You have to have the mindset that life is gonna screw you over. Like, don’t expect it to, but expect it to. Like, it’s like hope for the best. You know, pray for the what is it? You know, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Tim Newman [00:14:44]:
Worst. Right.

Brian Fleming [00:14:45]:
But life if you if you think things coming against you or having obstacles means you did something wrong, you have the wrong mindset. Mhmm. Life is a roller coaster. By default, it’s up and down. It’s a it’s 4 seasons. There’s a cold, you know, dank winter where everything’s dead and maybe you don’t wanna be around, but then there’s spring and summer and beautiful fall weather, which we’re having up in Northern Michigan right now. Nothing stays the same forever. It wouldn’t be natural for it too.

Brian Fleming [00:15:16]:
The seasons always change in life. But, yeah, you have to have that mindset that, hey. Alright. This happened. It is what it is. We need to handle it how we need, and where are we going next.

Tim Newman [00:15:27]:
Right. And and anything that’s worth having or worth doing is is hard and difficult. You you have to have challenges. You you you have to be able to to fight through whatever it is. You know, there there’s there’s many different ways to to look at it. You know, there’s the the the 10000 repetition, 10000 hours, what whatever it is. But what if you wanna be good at something and if you wanna progress at something, it’s going to take work. It’s gonna it’s gonna be frustrating, and you just have to learn how to fight through it.

Brian Fleming [00:15:57]:
Here’s the amazing thing, though. Like, I just came from the gym. I I actually rushed home to get here, because I’m 12 minutes from the gym. So I rushed home from the gym. But when I was in the gym, I I was doing hard, long sets today. I mean, I was grunting out the last 5 and just shaking. That’s not comfortable.

Tim Newman [00:16:17]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:16:17]:
But my muscles get bigger and stronger because I willingly do that. Right. Be comfortable doing uncomfortable things. If you can master that, you can literally go anywhere and do anything. You cannot be stopped if you become comfortable doing uncomfortable things, whether it’s if you’re a guy, maybe, like like, may maybe it’s talking to women or talking to somebody who, you know, it could be a potential business partner or going to the gym or eating right. I mean, if you can just master that one little thing, be comfortable with doing things that are uncomfortable. I mean, if you do anything for, like, 21 days, it becomes a habit. So if you can just make yourself really uncomfortable for, like, a week or 2, you you’re you’re gonna see a change in your life, and it feels good.

Brian Fleming [00:16:58]:
Absolutely. That not only that, though, but you feel amazing. You feel the progress. Whereas if you just hate the things that come at you that, you know, they don’t work out, it’s it’s you’re just you’re just playing defense the whole time, and you feel like the world’s against you when it’s not.

Tim Newman [00:17:13]:
Yeah. And and that kind of is is kinda leading me to the sec second point here. You know, you’re you’re in Brooke Army Medical Center, and you’re you’re going through rehab, inpatient, outpatient, and somebody enters your life. Your your first mentor enters your life. How important is it for, you know, young professionals or young people to understand it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to get a mentor to to help you because we can’t do this we we can’t do big things without other people’s help. Right? How important is that?

Brian Fleming [00:17:47]:
Oh, it’s everything. It’s the game changer. If you don’t have a coach or a mentor or a community, if you don’t have people helping you along, you’re you’re probably a loser and you’re probably gonna become and keep being 1, and you’re gonna get worse. I mean, look at Michael Jordan. Look at Tiger Woods’ best in their sports in the history of the sport. Some of these guys, they all had coaches. Because here’s the thing. Now you say, oh, their coach wasn’t as good at golf or basketball as Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan.

Brian Fleming [00:18:16]:
Right? Doesn’t matter. Here’s the thing. Here’s the thing that a coach can do or a mentor. They can look down on your battlefield from their airplane, so to speak, and they can see things on your battlefield that you can’t see because you have a very one dimensional when I was in Afghanistan, we were boots on the ground. We lived in the mountains, and we could only see things. I couldn’t see over the ridge in front of me. I didn’t know if there’s a 100 Taliban over there. But you know what? We have an a 10 warthog flying over or an Apache gunship or a Blackhawk flying over and saying, hey.

Brian Fleming [00:18:50]:
There’s, you know, about 80 enemy personnel over there. Stay put. Don’t go over that ridge. And so that’s very, very good to know given we were a 17 man platoon. Right. That that saved us, you know, a lot of ammo and maybe some some worse. And so coaches, mentors, they can see things you can’t, and that’s one of the biggest advantages there. And somebody who doesn’t want that, but, 1, you just have an ego problem.

Brian Fleming [00:19:17]:
But the best people who end up pushing through and shining and becoming amazing, they they’ve had one or many mentors come into their lives. And I like you said, to your point, I attribute my recovery, my quick, very expedient recovery to this individual who came into my life, and I didn’t plan on meeting him.

Tim Newman [00:19:36]:
So so talk about that process and and and how that really started your journey as to to where you are today in the in the speaking that you do, and, you know, the the multiple podcasts that you’ve had and and the help that you’re that you’re giving to to veterans and businesses all over the world.

Brian Fleming [00:19:54]:
Yeah. This guy who’s a Vietnam veteran, his name’s Dave Reaver. He came to Brooke Army Medical Center while I was a patient there, and he was horribly wounded in Vietnam, burned by white phosphorus, took half his body off half half his face, and he survived it. Well, he came to talk to me and about 30 other guys who’ve been blown up and shot up in Iraq and Afghanistan who were recovering. And I realized he he couldn’t talk about his story without making us laugh hysterically. It was awesome. I mean, that whole military humor thing, like, it was like, every other line was a punch line. The guy is just amazing, but it was also a really healing message.

Brian Fleming [00:20:32]:
He knew how to he knew how to communicate it well.

Tim Newman [00:20:35]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:20:35]:
And so that really endeared me. Like, that really, like, caught my attention. And I I talked to him afterwards, and we became friends. He end up a month later inviting me to go to one of his events, in Manhattan, Kansas right outside Fort Riley, and it was a patriotic rally he was speaking at. And so, you know, he he flew me there to be a part of it. And what I didn’t know he was gonna do is he he pulled me up on stage in in the middle of his speech.

Tim Newman [00:21:03]:
Oh, wow. And

Brian Fleming [00:21:03]:
I was still I was still in burn bandages on my hands. My face was still, like, pinkish red from the burns. This was only about 5 or 6 months after the injury. And so very fresh still. And he said, hey. Tell him what happened. Take 2 minutes. So I said something probably like, hey.

Brian Fleming [00:21:20]:
I’m Brian. I got blown up. I guess I’m still here for a reason. Go for it. Probably the worst motivational speech ever. But what happened when I stepped off stage is what changed my life. And what happened was there was a young lady there about my age, about 22, 23, mid twenties. She just walked up to me, didn’t even tell me her name and said, hey.

Brian Fleming [00:21:41]:
You know, growing up, I was raped and molested. I was abused. And then throughout my teenage years as well, then my boyfriend, he was abusive, and we broke up recently. And 2 weeks ago, I tried to kill myself, but I failed.

Tim Newman [00:21:54]:
Wow.

Brian Fleming [00:21:55]:
And instantly, I I I was like, oh my god. Like, are you okay? Like, what can I do to help? And I’m so sorry. I I didn’t know what to say to her. But then she said this. She goes, you know, Brian, she goes, but if you can survive all that, talking about Afghanistan, she goes, I think I can get through this. And boom. That’s amazing. Something something came out of me that I didn’t know was there.

Brian Fleming [00:22:19]:
And what I realized later it was, thanks to Viktor Frankl, who was a holocaust survivor, he wrote the book man’s search for meaning, which is literally one of the best books ever written. And you you can read it in an afternoon and just ponder it for a lifetime. But he was a psychiatrist. He was a holocaust survivor, and he said in some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning. In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning. In that moment, when I realized I didn’t have any lesson for her or any advice, but her just hearing about me making it through my thing gave her hope that she’s not gonna go kill herself. I found a sense of meaning in my suffering. I found something new to live for.

Brian Fleming [00:23:05]:
I wanted to find more people like her, and that it that’s been the fire that’s burned been the burning desire that’s fueled everything I’ve done for the past 17 years as a professional speaker. I never meant to do this.

Tim Newman [00:23:18]:
That’s that’s that’s amazing story. I mean, when you step off the stage looking like that and you hear another tragic story and what what your message has done for her and what her message has done for you in in, like I said, in in instance, it’s it’s life changing. And I I think back to and again, I don’t wanna downgrade or dismiss anybody’s pain and suffering because we all go through things. But like you said, if if we can if you can get through what you got through and she can get through what she got through, you know, my dog ate my homework or I didn’t get an interview for this job, those things are are are are I wouldn’t even consider minor. There there’s you you just just keep one rolling. You just you don’t even you you know what I mean?

Brian Fleming [00:24:15]:
Yeah. I I I agree. I and I I encourage people when I to to think of it more this way. Like, my trauma or somebody like me, my my trauma is not different than your or my trauma is not worse than yours. It’s just different. Different. It’s just different. Because some people say, well, gosh, Brian.

Brian Fleming [00:24:33]:
You know, I was, you know, abused sexually as a kid and all this. And but me, man, I was never blown up by a suicide bomber, and I go, dear god. Are you kidding? I would’ve I mean, I don’t want what you had either, but don’t downplay the the effects of what you’ve been through. I’d rather go back to Afghanistan and get blasted again than go through that. Exactly. So what people need to understand regardless of the situation, whether it’s a trauma or it’s, you know, you didn’t get the job or something didn’t work out, my my story at least is not worse than yours. It’s just different. Because here’s the thing.

Brian Fleming [00:25:07]:
You might look at the explosion and the injury and go, wow. That’s definitely worse. Okay. But here’s the thing. Here’s where people really relate to each other. It’s the after effects. Yes. It’s what comes out of those things.

Brian Fleming [00:25:17]:
And let’s say I mean, for somebody who is trying to get a job or maybe they have a family and, you know, those bills are coming up and they don’t have the money, that’s starting to get traumatic. That is very stressful, and that really affects you. Now what level of trauma? I don’t know, but I can tell you. When you have things due and people rely on you and you don’t have what you need and then the thing you are you are betting on doesn’t work out, that is a big deal. That and I would never downplay that. Exactly. But what the thing the thing is, I’ll tell you the biggest thing that I’ve realized through this, and this is gonna apply to all the people listening to. I learned how to turn my situation into value.

Brian Fleming [00:25:56]:
And value when you add value to the world, real value, you’ll never be broke. You’ll never be without friends. You’ll never be without people wanting to work with you. Because when you when you offer value, that’s the only thing people pay money for. That’s what most people are attracted to. And value always comes in the form of solving a problem people have. And the bigger the problem you solve, the more money they’re willing to pay for it or the more they’re willing to commit and give you or exchange with you or work with you to help you fix that problem. So if somebody’s looking for trying to trying to get a job or work with somebody, get into something, find out the big problems they have, and then become the person who’s so good at solving that that they can’t tell you no.

Brian Fleming [00:26:41]:
Right. That right there. Because the only reason I mean, people didn’t hire me just because, oh, this guy got blown up. Let’s put him on our stage and hope he doesn’t say anything stupid. Oh, and it’s an election year. So that’s highly probable. You know? But the but you see the thing is, here’s the thing. They put me on their stages because they have something they want their people to understand that will produce an outcome that organization wants.

Brian Fleming [00:27:07]:
And they see me as a chess piece on that board that if they move me here on their chessboard, it’s going to help them accomplish that mission. I’m something a piece that they can use to stand on to help get them where they’re trying to go. So I’m solving a problem. If there are people who are lacking motivation, well, you hear a story like buying it and you go, well, damn. Maybe my life isn’t so bad or, yes, it is, but he got through and so will I. That can take people a long way because I didn’t know this. But when I first met heard my mentor speak when I didn’t know him, I thought the same thing. Wow.

Brian Fleming [00:27:40]:
He got through that. I can get through this. I didn’t know I was thinking it, but that’s exactly what it was.

Tim Newman [00:27:46]:
And let’s take take that just a step further. When you’re hired for a job, you’re hired for a reason because you do have that value. You you have the skills or you have whatever that organization needs to fill that gap, to solve that problem, what have you. So when they ask for your opinion, they want to actually hear that opinion.

Brian Fleming [00:28:08]:
Your job at at a company is to produce more value monetarily, money wise, what it equates to, than what they’re paying you. Mhmm. If it if it’s not, then you’re on the chopping block because they they they can’t just pay everybody more than than they than they’re making the company. The the company couldn’t exist. So that’s the mindset you have to have. I have to give more value than than they’re paying me. You know? If they’re paying me, let’s say, like, $10,000 a speak, however that equates in value, if I motivate their people or teach them some techniques of communication that helps each of their people maybe improve their sales rate by, I don’t know, let’s just be modest, a half a percent. Well, if you have 2,000 people doing that and, you know, a half a percent increase for 2,000 people over the course of the next quarter or a year, whatever those numbers already are, and that’s a percentage that is raised for each of those, that might be another $2,000,000 to the company.

Tim Newman [00:29:05]:
Right. And then

Brian Fleming [00:29:05]:
I then I walk away going, you should have paid me a lot more for my speech.

Tim Newman [00:29:10]:
Exact exactly. Exactly. But but but, again, it’s it’s get getting outside of that impostor syndrome. Get get getting out stepping away from the the that inner voice that that we are telling ourselves. Nobody else is telling us that we’re not good enough. Nobody else is telling us that we shouldn’t be there. It’s us it’s us doing that to ourselves.

Brian Fleming [00:29:27]:
Oh, yeah. The voice in your head is the worst enemy.

Tim Newman [00:29:29]:
It’s horrible sometimes.

Brian Fleming [00:29:31]:
Nobody will be worse to you than the than the enemy in your own head. Mhmm. And you did you have to yeah. I I call that propaganda, and you have to look out you have to look out for that propaganda that you tell yourself. And the thing about it, it can be hard to recognize because you’re so close to it because it’s you that but you when you once you start to recognize it and you start seeing those patterns, you instantly sometimes I’ll just say I’ll just say things out loud and just, like, just turn the narrative. And it’s it’s yeah. And sometimes it’s really profane, but I don’t care. It’s like I just I gotta get out of that.

Brian Fleming [00:30:00]:
And the busier I am and the more I’m doing things, the less that tends to creep up on me.

Tim Newman [00:30:05]:
Yeah. Yeah. You know, when it when sometimes, you know, when I’m up talking and, you know, it there’ll be a pause or whatever, and inside my head, I’m talking to myself, and sometimes I’ll just chuckle. And I I tell people, you know, if I’m if I chuckle, it means either I said something stupid to myself or I I told myself a joke. It’s okay to laugh at me when I do that, but a lot of times, truth be told, now the truth is really gonna come out. I’m having negative thoughts in my head, and I I catch myself saying, no. We’re we’re not going that route. We’re we’re gonna get back to doing get we’re gonna get back to being awesome.

Tim Newman [00:30:39]:
Right? And and, again, it it’s okay to to have those things, but we we can’t act on them. We we have to to push past it and and and and drive on.

Brian Fleming [00:30:48]:
Well, the thing is, though those thoughts are probably only half truths at best anyway. Mhmm. And it’s just as easy to think better good thoughts about yourself, and it’s not egotistical and arrogant. But here’s the thing. If you have a 50 50 chance of of doing well or doing bad at something or having good talk or bad talk in your head. And it’s a 50 50 thing. Well, one doesn’t favor the other. There’s no advantage of 1 or the other.

Brian Fleming [00:31:14]:
Why not just choose the good one? We’re taught so much in society, like, oh, don’t think good about yourself, especially if you grew up, like, abusively religious like I did. Oh, that’s pride. Don’t think good to yourself. Everyone wants to point out the bad in you. Like, no. Like, you are pretty fucking amazing. You are way smarter than you think you are. You are strong.

Brian Fleming [00:31:32]:
You can get through more than you think you can. I’m pretty great. You know? And it’s not an egotistical thing. It’s like it’s just the truth. I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life, and I can endure a lot. And I don’t want to have to, but I’ve I’ve been through so much that I look at things I go through now, and it’s like, well, it’s not that or that other thing or that other thing. And it’s okay to think you’re pretty amazing because you probably you’re I don’t know who said this, but you’re not as bad as ever as you think everyone says you are, and you’re not as good as they all say you are. You’re probably somewhere in between.

Brian Fleming [00:32:03]:
But if you can be bad or good talk to yourself, just use the good talk, and don’t be a don’t be a jerk about it. Yeah. Don’t be egotistical. Don’t be a jerk, but, you know, like, favor the positive talk. Favor the good thoughts.

Tim Newman [00:32:16]:
So in in in your speaking career and journey, have you have you ever had any to any times where you’ve really messed up or or been embarrassed? And if so, how do you overcome that in in the moment?

Brian Fleming [00:32:30]:
Yeah. I’ve talked to a couple of jokes that, totally bombed. I thought I thought, oh, that’ll be funny. And it was crickets, and I’m like in my head, I’m like, fuck. So I just I I mean, one of the ways I just off the cuff, I was just like I was like, I literally went like this on stage. I’m like, alright. Boy, take that joke out of the bit. Don’t do that one again.

Brian Fleming [00:32:50]:
And then they laughed at that because I it’s like that that’s another thing, like, with speaking and and talking, being outgoing or getting results. I used to care so much that everything was perfect and that everyone liked it.

Tim Newman [00:33:04]:
Mhmm.

Brian Fleming [00:33:04]:
And it doesn’t matter how good you are. Some people are gonna like it. Some are gonna hate you for no reason. You’re you’re not gonna do anything perfect. And, you know, if you did it perfectly, perfectly perfect, nobody relates to that because nobody is that. Right. And so, like, one of the biggest things in my life, I am so free mentally to say what I want, do what I want. I don’t care if people like me.

Brian Fleming [00:33:29]:
I just turned 40 3 weeks ago. And I don’t know, man. You might agree with this, but there’s something about 40 where you just don’t care anymore about so many things or you realize, like, you know what? All these people I have favored their opinions for so long, they’re just as dumb or dumber than me. And it doesn’t matter how old they are. Like, it’s like I mean, I I say, hey. Respect your elders. Sure. But let’s be honest.

Brian Fleming [00:33:53]:
Who came up with that rule?

Tim Newman [00:33:55]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:33:55]:
Old people.

Tim Newman [00:33:56]:
Right?

Brian Fleming [00:33:56]:
People. It’s fucking Yeah. Yeah. So it’s old people. Right? Elders. So it’s like it like, we have this idea in our mind that other people, like, know so much more than we do, and they’re so much better. Nobody’s actually that much better than you, and nobody really has a handle on this life. And so, you know, respectfully and productively move forward, but stop giving a shit so much about what someone’s gonna think.

Brian Fleming [00:34:20]:
Unless it’s a really important person that you need to impress for a reason. Other than that, that’s not most people. You’ll be so free.

Tim Newman [00:34:27]:
Or somebody that you that you you actually care about. Somebody that’s in your that’s in your inner circle. Right?

Brian Fleming [00:34:33]:
Absolutely.

Tim Newman [00:34:33]:
You know, your your significant other, you know, brothers, sisters, immediate family, obviously, you know, everybody’s a little bit different there, but, you know and and I think I also think this is generational. If you look at younger at at younger people younger people, right, they are so worried about what everybody thinks about them. I mean, they’re they’re they’re so they’ve got their face on their phone, and they worry about what some some person who they’ve never met, have no idea who this individual is, could be a bot, could be somebody, you know, from from Russia or China.

Brian Fleming [00:35:06]:
Doesn’t even have a profile picture.

Tim Newman [00:35:08]:
Right. Talking about, you know, what what they said or what picture that they put up, and and their entire life is now in the toilet because of because of that. You know, I’m I’m like I’ve been like this may maybe 40. I don’t know. I I really don’t care. I I mean, you

Brian Fleming [00:35:24]:
know, I I don’t I care about the people

Tim Newman [00:35:26]:
that that are in my circle, and that’s about it.

Brian Fleming [00:35:29]:
Yeah. I wish I could take that that whole trust me. You don’t have to care so much. You can tell someone that.

Tim Newman [00:35:35]:
Mhmm.

Brian Fleming [00:35:35]:
And they just they would they don’t get it till they get it. I wish I could inject that into every 20 year old. Mhmm. And they would just be like, oh my god. I get it. But I had to I had to get it. Like, my I heard it a bunch. I just I had to get it myself.

Brian Fleming [00:35:48]:
And, you know, the people I cared most about their opinion or what they would think about what I do, it was it was liter I could count that these people on less than one hand or half of one hand, and it was people that who I highly valued their opinion about me, and they had invested a lot into my life. But even that even that, they’re human beings, and I had to learn to let go of that. And there are ways I did that, but I had to learn to let go of that because it was a mental prison for me. And at the end of the day, they’re not perfect either. And they went their own way too. And, you know, it’s like, I I wish them best. I love them. You know? I’ll do anything for them, but I’m gonna be me.

Brian Fleming [00:36:25]:
And if that’s if that doesn’t work for them, then, hey. It’s like I I I have a new audience out there, that’s waiting for me. And so but yeah.

Tim Newman [00:36:35]:
Yeah. It’s it’s a it it’s it’s a phenomenon. You know, I I go back to when when I was a kid. You know, I’m I’m 50 I’m I’m 56 now. You know, we we didn’t have social media. Yeah. It’s it’s hard. It’s it’s it’s it’s mental math.

Tim Newman [00:36:50]:
But we we we didn’t have social media. We had I remember we had the the phone where you had to actually put your finger in and and do this the the dial.

Brian Fleming [00:36:59]:
Rotary phone.

Tim Newman [00:37:00]:
Yeah. Phones. And so if if somebody said something to you at at school you didn’t like, you know, for guys, we just punch it on their nose and be done with it, and we’d be friends after. And we didn’t have any of this other other stuff. So, you know, I I think, you know, that’s the the the bad side of social media and, you know, being so worried about those other things. But social media also has a has a very good and positive side, and we need we really need to teach the the young people the the balance of that. Well,

Brian Fleming [00:37:31]:
here’s the here’s the thing about social media. This is like a it’s like a cheat code for bullies too, though. Yes. I I’ve never understood bullying, cyberbullying, because I I’ve had people write me stupid messages. And you know what I do? I just go click this little button that says block, and they literally don’t exist anymore in this world. Like, I never see them again. I never think about them. You can just delete people, and you never see them again anywhere or hear of them.

Brian Fleming [00:37:57]:
It’s great. Like, when we were grown up, you know, the bully in the in the in school, like, you or you said something about someone. They wanna meet you in the parking lot after school, and you actually had to, like, justify what you said. Now you can just click a do a block button. I I don’t understand cyberbullying on that because maybe it’s just my extreme life experience. But if I can just click a click a block button, a digital blue button, and I never have to deal with somebody again, that’s easy. That’s a cheat code. Like, block them and don’t think, move on.

Tim Newman [00:38:26]:
Exactly. Exactly. And know, so when I when I talk to to young people, try trying to get them to get out of their phone, you know, I ask them, you know, where do they get their information from? Do do they read news? Do they read articles? Do they do they read, you know, books? No. Nobody reads anymore. Real I mean, truly truly reads. And I I heard you say something a number of years ago on another podcast that you do a ton of reading. How important is is is reading in becoming a a a better better professional, a better human, all those things. How how important is reading, and how does that actually advance you in in in life?

Brian Fleming [00:39:17]:
Yeah. Reading’s really important. And the thing is I read things I like and also that are valuable for me and can help me get ahead in life and be better in ways I wanna be better. I hated reading in school because all the crap they wanted me to read, I didn’t like. I wasn’t interested. You know, the scarlet letter, for god’s sake. You know, that burned that thing already. Like, but, hey.

Brian Fleming [00:39:37]:
You get out, and then you’re reading this book, you know, you know, by a guy like Alex or Mosey or something, and it’s like, oh, this is how this guy became worth a $100,000,000 or or that one guy who got out of prison, and he’s like worth 100 of 1,000,000 now. Crazy. It’s like, I, yeah, I wanna know that guy’s mindset. I wanna know, like, what what he did or what you know, things like that. So it’s it’s very important, and re that’s reading books. And people read a lot. They read social media, which isn’t always productive. But here here’s my perspective also at this point in my life.

Brian Fleming [00:40:09]:
Anything you read is going to be biased in some way, especially if it’s if it’s like a magazine or if it’s if it’s, you know, something on the news, social media, everything is biased. To me to me at this point, everything’s propaganda on both and all sides. As people presenting information from their bias, their perspective, and, yes, also sometimes their agenda and the outcome they’re trying to get. So you have to take that with a grain of salt. You go, okay. This is what this says. Unless it’s factual, scientific, like, hey. The earth is not flat.

Brian Fleming [00:40:46]:
Okay. Like, I know I’m gonna get hate for that. Too bad. I don’t care. See? I don’t care. This is me not caring. It’s like, I don’t care. It’s not.

Brian Fleming [00:40:53]:
Like, so whatever. Be delusional somewhere else. But reading is important because it makes you a better person. You understand things better. You you absorb information in a different way. It’s my understanding I’ve been told, when you read. And what I do is when I read through things, I’m like, I’m underlining things. I’m marking things in the margins.

Brian Fleming [00:41:14]:
And then when I go back, I can flip through a book. All the books I read, I read about 30 books a year. Every book I go back through, I can I can see all the marks and the things that jumped out at me? And I instead of rereading the whole thing, I can go back and I can see what those hot points were.

Tim Newman [00:41:30]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:41:30]:
And sometimes it’s just the it’s a piece of information that, oh, by the way, I just sorta needed right now with what I’m going through or trying to do, and it’s just there. It presents itself.

Tim Newman [00:41:42]:
And and and even if something is if we, again, are being intellectually honest and understand that everything is biased, if we read something that that we that makes this question, wow, that that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. We should also go and and find something on the other side of that and see what that says and then try and make up our own mind as opposed to just buying whatever somebody else is is trying to sell. You know, that it’s that’s a critical critical thinking.

Brian Fleming [00:42:13]:
Yeah. That’s called being a well rounded and educated intelligent individual, which is which unfortunately is not is not, something that a lot of institutions push nowadays. In fact, I don’t I don’t quote this person often, but there’s a quote that says, what great luck for us leaders that men do not think. And do you know who said that? It was a man named Adolf Hitler.

Tim Newman [00:42:40]:
Oh my god.

Brian Fleming [00:42:41]:
And he was absolutely right. And being political season or whether it is or isn’t, you can see this at work. Mhmm. You can say anything and people just rally behind it. And you and you question them 2 or 3 levels deep and they can’t explain why they agree. And then they get mad because you’re questioning them or they don’t wanna be wrong. They don’t understand why they believe or think what they do, but the truth is they’ve been taught that they’re supposed to think and believe certain things, and then they’re taught not to question it.

Tim Newman [00:43:10]:
Yes.

Brian Fleming [00:43:11]:
And so when when somebody presents that, that’s the danger zone. We don’t go there. Well, dumb people don’t go there. Smart, intelligent, critically thinking people who change the world go there.

Tim Newman [00:43:21]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:43:21]:
But and I understandably, that can be scary, especially if it’s something of, like, a religious nature. Religion’s I mean, he’s the king of this, unfortunately. Like, don’t question that or you’re gonna burn in hell forever. Well, for questioning, for asking like, wondering, like, that’s the dumbest shit in the world to me. Like, I think if there’s a loving God, he wants us to try to figure him out, and he gave us minds to be able to do so for a reason. That’s just me. But, like, I I don’t think I’m wrong for being curious, and I don’t think you are either. And you should ask questions.

Tim Newman [00:43:49]:
Yeah. That’s that’s why I’m not a good employee. So, I mean, even even when when I was I always asking questions. It it doesn’t make sense. Why why are we doing it like this? You know, why why are we raking rocks? Why why do we have to rake this sand? Why do I have to, you know, do do things that don’t make sense? What you know, what what’s the purpose? Why can’t we do it

Brian Fleming [00:44:06]:
like this? It’s like it’s like the the it’s like the guy in the army who gets in trouble. So he’s out there with a vacuum cleaner in the parking lot in the pouring rain, and everyone’s like, what what’s he doing out there? It’s like, he’s in trouble. Like, it serves no purpose. We know. It makes a funny picture.

Tim Newman [00:44:22]:
You know? But I get I get called to to the to the what I call the principal’s office all the time. Well, I’m just asking I’m just trying to figure this out. It doesn’t it doesn’t make sense. You want me to do this? I I we’re not we’re not doing that. I’m not I’m not doing stupid things this year. I’ve already just we’re undecided. So

Brian Fleming [00:44:38]:
Well, in in one thing, if you’re if you’re at a job or within an organization, sometimes we’ll obviously learn the way they do it because they do it that way for a reason. It’s probably the best practices they know. But then you have to understand too, there are innovators who will disrupt, and the system doesn’t like that until it understands that person can actually benefit and help the system do better. But on top of that, you might have a boss or a supervisor who is very insecure if you’re sort of better than them at their role. And if you if they allow you to do something that will make you look good, they’re afraid sometimes to make them look bad. And what is their job gonna get replaced by you now? And there’s this whole ego and fear thing, one of many situations that happens. But, you know, if you’re if you’re the best at something or you’re good at something, you’re a good thinker and you you’re developing ideas and you’re a critical thinker and, you know, things like that, don’t ever shut that down for anybody.

Tim Newman [00:45:34]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:45:35]:
Never. Never. I mean, you know, the person who’s trying to keep you down, you might you might be the CEO of that company one day, and they’re gonna work for you 5 or 10 10 levels under you. Mhmm. So, yeah, do your thing.

Tim Newman [00:45:46]:
And and and always always look for for people who who don’t think like that. Right? I mean, I want people smarter than me. I I wanna work with people smarter than me. I wanna hire people smarter than me. I I wanna be able to help people reach that full potential and and that’s what you know, you need to look for leaders that are that are not ego driven, that are not worried about somebody being better than them. You know, that’s that’s that’s part of being a a good leader is helping people be better. I, you know, I I want my kids better than me. Right? I want my grandkids better, you know, what what whatever it is.

Tim Newman [00:46:23]:
And, if if you find yourself in those positions, yeah, you have to do what you have to do, but but go go back to what we talked about earlier, finding a mentor, finding somebody who can who can help help you develop skills and and help you get better what whatever you’re doing and and provide that value that you need to be provided. So

Brian Fleming [00:46:43]:
Yeah. And and and if you if you do have an idea, let’s say you’re within a company or an organization and it’s a little disruptive, but it’s an idea you think could help the company do better. Just, I mean, say something like, hey. I know we do it this way. I’m I’m I’m, you know, thinking of ways that actually might be done better that could help the company more and cost the company less. You attach anything with those words. Now you’ve got their attention, by the way. Yep.

Brian Fleming [00:47:09]:
I just have an idea I’d like to present just to see if it might help the company do better. Is that something you’d be open to? Now that’s called a hey stupid question because nobody’s gonna say no. Hey. I might be able to help your company do better. I have an idea. Would you like to hear it? So you present it from a place of value, not these people are so dumb the way they do it. Nobody listens to me. Like, there’s a reason nobody listens to you if that’s your mindset.

Brian Fleming [00:47:31]:
Exactly. Always come from a always like I said in the beginning of this episode, always come from a place of value, and that comes in solving your problem. You know? And if you’re in an organization, if you’re if you’re one of the people who either helps the company make money or save money, you are the most invaluable asset to that company. So if you’re presenting things that can help them either save or make more, good leadership’s gonna be open to that. And if you present it in a respectful way and just say, hey. I I think I I think this could be better. What you know, let’s punch some holes in it. Maybe I’m not seeing something.

Brian Fleming [00:48:03]:
But and then if it does work, they’re gonna go, wow. This this person is really good at this. Like, that was incredible. Like, we need to move them over here or we need to promote them and, you know, then you’re getting what you want in life.

Tim Newman [00:48:15]:
Exactly. Yeah. So so one of the things that you do is is you help people get up and and tell their story. How do you do that? What what’s the process? You know? Because I think, especially young people, they they don’t spend really any time at all thinking about who they are, you know, I mean, truly who they are, what what they truly think, what their values, and and and morals are at. So how do you how do you pull that out of people and get them to get up and be able to tell that story?

Brian Fleming [00:48:42]:
Yeah. It it it kind of alludes to what I’ve already said. It all starts with a problem. Look at your life and look at what problems you can solve in the world because how you get people to care about what you say is attaching what you say to a problem they have. So for example, you for years, I’ve done, you know, marriage training for the military. These men and women come home from war. Things are different with them, different with their spouse. Their spouse has been running the house for a year or more.

Tim Newman [00:49:12]:
But but but by the way, those are heroes as well. And and I I think the the spouses and the families get kinda lost in the shuffle. They’re sacrificing just as much as, you know, as a service member.

Brian Fleming [00:49:24]:
Yeah. And so yeah. Absolutely. And they’re they’re probably the most overlooked demographic in that whole military community. But, you know, to my point, what I’ve been married almost 19 years now, happily. I got married 3 months before I deployed to Afghanistan. So what we’re doing, my wife and I, Jamie, it obviously works. So I have not that my situation or advice is gonna work for everybody, but if I made it through all that, the deployment, the injury, the recovery, and now 19 years later, we’re still going strong, I talk to them and I and I say to the coordinator, hey.

Brian Fleming [00:49:59]:
You know what? Combat wounded in Afghanistan, got married 3 months before I deployed. We’re still together 19 years later. I’d love to come talk to your your service members when they get home from deployment about how they can keep their families together and have more fulfilling successful marriages, which is gonna help your unit cohesion be stronger because when your home life is together, you know, it makes going to work every day a lot easier. And, no, I mean, that’s basically, they can’t tell me no unless there’s a logistical or or a budget thing because I’m exactly what they’re looking for. I made myself the solution to a problem I know they have, and I worded it well. I know exactly what they’re dealing with. So if think about yourself, if you’re hearing me, what problem can you solve in the world? Maybe what have you overcome personally, or what do you know a lot about? Or even if you haven’t, like, what do you know that can help solve a problem? You don’t have to be the world’s best solution. You just have to be a solution that can help people move or an organization move forward at least one step in the right direction.

Brian Fleming [00:51:06]:
Everything nobody cares about your story until you attach and marry your story to a problem they have. Now it now this thing is, like, turned up. Now this thing becomes powerful.

Tim Newman [00:51:18]:
Yeah. It it really does. And and, again, to be able to do that, you have to know who you are. You have to spend some time thinking about that and how that solution can can help people. And, you know, there’s like, because you you don’t have to be the best at it because of you don’t have to be the only message. Because, again, if there was only one message that worked for everybody, we wouldn’t have, you know, experts. Let let’s just, you know, John we wouldn’t have John Maxwell and, oh, no. I I lost lost.

Tim Newman [00:51:52]:
And, I mean, how how many people have written communication books? Very good.

Brian Fleming [00:51:55]:
I mean Exactly.

Tim Newman [00:51:57]:
You you know? It it’s it’s it’s how that message hits you or individuals and what actually resonates.

Brian Fleming [00:52:03]:
Well, and here’s the great thing too. You and I can speak on the same topic or me and you and 5 other people.

Tim Newman [00:52:09]:
Right.

Brian Fleming [00:52:10]:
But let’s say let’s say let’s say there’s a lady who you know, a woman who’s in tech, and she’s an executive, and she has her perspective. Well, I’m a military guy, and I have my perspective and life experience. So we can both be saying good things, but the thing the thing about not having to be the only person is that there are certain people in the audience or listening or watching whatever medium you’re using. There are certain people in your audience who will relate to you more than someone else, and there’s others who will relate to someone else better than they relate to you because they just feel a personal, relation to you more, maybe a similar background or your communication style or your life experience. People resonate with different people differently. That’s why you can have 10 people talk on the same topic, and it’s all equally helpful. It’s actually more helpful for the audience because everyone in the audience isn’t only going to relate to just one speaker only.

Tim Newman [00:53:04]:
Exact exactly. And, you know, when when you you you talked all all over the world and, you know, a lot of times it’s the same message and, you know, the military does a lot of good things. They do a lot of things that don’t make sense, like like your p 3 unfit for duty, but you’re serving in the war. Right? Yeah. I whatever. Yes. That’s all you can say, but, you know, war is fought. Battles are fought offer over, you know, a 5 5 paragraph uproar.

Tim Newman [00:53:38]:
And depending on who you’re talking to outs whether it’s in the military or somewhere else, you know, changing some things, or wording or terminology, you know, you can still get the same message across. You know, talk a little bit about how you actually communicate with with different audiences, you know, based on that on that whole philosophy.

Brian Fleming [00:53:57]:
Yeah. When I when I plan my speeches and I talk to audiences or I do personal or business coaching, whenever I do that for people, I I literally have a version of a 5 paragraph app order that I created myself, and I adapted it to real life. And I use those those key elements that are that are within an app order to plan out the mission, the speech, the the plan for somebody trying to do something and get something in life and go somewhere and accomplish something. Those core concepts, they’ve been tested in war for decades, 100 of years, these concepts, and they they work. And so when you adapt them to to your life, to what you’re doing, you have a lot better shot at succeeding and not feeling lost in the middle when things start blowing up all around you. You know? You have a a contingency plan. You have a backup. You know? If something goes wrong, you get on the battlefield and suddenly it’s not the way you were told it looks.

Brian Fleming [00:54:58]:
You know, there’s not 3 buildings and 12 enemy. There’s 19 buildings, and there’s, like, a 150. Well, you can’t treat that the same. You can’t just go, well, here’s the mission. We’re doing it this way. No. The battlefield changed. Now you have to change now.

Brian Fleming [00:55:14]:
You don’t have time to not change and you don’t have time. You you have to think fast and adapt. That happens. But the way I say it, everyone’s on a battlefield with whatever you’re trying to do in You’re trying to get something. There’s an enemy or multiple enemies in your way. Those things cause you to think propaganda like we talked about, the negative self talk that if it can defeat you before you even try, then it’s already won. And then you need to have allies, people who can help you, mentors, coaches, listening to stuff like this, this podcast. You want to have some sort of very simply spelled out plan that has a few major steps in it that can help you, see your wake across the minefield.

Brian Fleming [00:55:56]:
Step here. Don’t step here. Step here instead. And then you also have to know what does success specifically look like? What does victory look like when you accomplish your mission? But, also, what does defeat look like? What does it look like if you don’t get the job, if you don’t get the contract, if you don’t get whatever? You know, there’s a consequence for not winning.

Tim Newman [00:56:18]:
Yes.

Brian Fleming [00:56:18]:
And you need to be very clear on how that’s gonna affect you and what that’s gonna be. Because when your motivation dies, which it will, motivation’s a roller coaster. When your motivation goes down, well, that whole mental image of what your life is gonna be like if you don’t win is very motivating. Instead of pushing, it sort of pulls you through because no matter what, all you know is you don’t want this certain thing. I mean, if you can’t make your marriage work, look. That’s alright. That that happens. But you got you got about 15 years of child support and maybe a lifetime of alimony even if you remarry someone else in 5 or 10 years.

Brian Fleming [00:56:56]:
Is there something you really can’t work through? Like, is this is it really a deal breaker? Sometimes it is. But when you look I mean, in Afghanistan, it was like, alright. If we lose a battle, they’re going to videotape sawing our heads off with dull rocks and dull knives and then put it on YouTube and on the Internet. And now my family might see that. That’s the consequence of losing a battle in a war zone. Not only that, but you die, and they torture you to death. So that’s a pretty good incentive to win even when it hurts and you’re fucking tired and you you you’re out of energy. You can’t even hardly stand up and run.

Brian Fleming [00:57:34]:
You’re so tired, and the enemy’s wearing a bed sheet and a pair of crocs, and you’re wearing, you know, 80 pounds of armor. You got ammo. You got your pack, and you’re, you know, 10,000 feet in elevation. It’s a 130 degrees down at sea level, or at 5,000 feet. And all this, and it’s like, oh, I just wanna quit. Okay. Well, you know the consequence, and it’ll it’ll make you keep going. If you’re very clear on that outcome, you do not want to happen.

Brian Fleming [00:58:00]:
So that’s basically what I tell people. And then what’s your next step? What’s your first next step? Whenever you get lost and tired, confused, what’s your next first step right now? It’s like, if I didn’t wanna go go to the gym this morning, it’s alright. Put your shoes on. If I put my shoes on, I already grabbed the keys. Now I can’t go to the gym. If I just get my shoes on, I’m I’m good. You know? I’m I’m more disciplined than that by now, but I didn’t used to be.

Tim Newman [00:58:25]:
Well, you know, some but sometimes putting just putting the shoes on is is is the work. I mean, like you said, you know, make making that decision, you know, having that that that in inner dialogue, just put your damn shoes on and do what you’re supposed to do, that’s, like you said, that that’s the the key. Knowing it

Brian Fleming [00:58:50]:
I have an I have an inner drill sergeant. And if if I skip something, it’s like, oh, it’s like I I I I make myself work harder if I skip something. That’s why I don’t cheat because they’re like it’s like, oh, you you wanna you wanna go have a a glass of beer? Okay. That’s fine. But do 50 push ups first

Tim Newman [00:59:08]:
for

Brian Fleming [00:59:08]:
each one. Well, then it’s like, 3 glasses of beer. I know I don’t want, but

Tim Newman [00:59:12]:
I’m doing a 1,000 push ups a day. Here we go.

Brian Fleming [00:59:15]:
Yeah. And so it’s like, alright. I don’t wanna do a 150 push ups tonight. I just don’t feel like it. So I’ll have 1, and I’ll knock out 50 before I do it. I don’t drink, and I’ll do it after I do. No. You won’t.

Brian Fleming [00:59:25]:
You do it before you drink it. And then you feel like you earned it and you feel good.

Tim Newman [00:59:31]:
That’s awesome. One one more thing other thing, you know, you we we talked and you and you you made me laugh with something. You said there are 2 superpowers in the world. Tell everybody what those 2 superpowers are.

Brian Fleming [00:59:44]:
I’m trying to remember.

Tim Newman [00:59:46]:
It’s, Brazilian, jiu jitsu and communication.

Brian Fleming [00:59:50]:
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Brazilian jiu jitsu and communication. Yeah. Definitely 2 superpowers. Brazilian jiu jitsu, I did that for a number of years, and it it can teach a a a smaller person to take down big people and choke them. And when in an altercation, when otherwise, they wouldn’t really stand a chance, it’s it’s it is a genuine superpower. And so as far as self defense and being able to handle yourself, take care of yourself, definitely a good skill to have.

Brian Fleming [01:00:20]:
And communication is also a a superpower because we live in a world full of lots of confusing messages. I call it fog, like the fog of war. It’s confusing. Things get confusing. And if you can say what you do in a clear and compelling way to the right people who want to hear what you’re saying, You can be bad at this obviously and still become president. We’ve seen this happen many times on both sides of the political aisle. Of course, their speeches are written for them. So, you know, they have people like me that write their speeches for them, by the way.

Brian Fleming [01:00:56]:
Most of them aren’t that good. But, your ability to communicate effectively and clearly is a superpower. To say less, but to say more in it and to do it in a way that’s impactful and effective, there’s nothing you can’t do. There’s there’s no job you probably can’t get if you know how to communicate effectively and do it well. And it is it is, yeah, it is the old it’s prob for me, I’m not good at everything. But if it’s if it’s clarifying and creating a a compelling and clear message that’s focused on a group of people aimed at what they want to do and what they want to avoid, I can write and speak those messages all day long, and I do. Because it all comes down to who you’re talking to and that whole kind of battlefield concept that I talked about a few minutes ago about what they’re going through. You speak to what people are going through.

Brian Fleming [01:01:47]:
You do it the right way. You do it effectively. And then it’s like, wow. It’s like God spoke to you and to tell me or you it’s like you’ve been reading my mail. It’s like, however you wanna say it, I’ve done my homework on you. That’s what it is. And I actually have solutions that can actually help you get what you want and avoid what you don’t want. So I had to I had to become good at communicating so I could get people’s attention, so I could give them what I know they need that can help them.

Brian Fleming [01:02:17]:
Because if your wrapping paper is garbage, no one’s gonna want it. You put something in a Walmart bag, it could be the same item, and you put it in a Nordstrom bag. Now it’s like the whole perceived value is different. Exactly. Yeah. But it’s how you present it, and you present through words. So, yeah, Brazilian jujitsu and communicating clearly, those are 2 amazing superpowers. If you get both of those, you you’re kind of a badass, I think.

Tim Newman [01:02:42]:
Well, wait. Well, you’ve got it because you’re you’re you’re pretty you’re pretty good at both. So we’re

Brian Fleming [01:02:46]:
But I’ve had a lot of people I’ve had a lot of people teach me those things for years, and I’ve been choked out a lot, and I’ve choked a lot of people. So, like, I’ve written bad copy, and I’ve written great copy that some that made no sales, some that made a lot of sales. So it’s like, it’s you win and lose and you learn. It’s the whole process. Yeah.

Tim Newman [01:03:06]:
And you you keep trying to you keep getting better. That’s the

Brian Fleming [01:03:09]:
That is the process of success. You try and you you you fuck it up sometimes, and you just you keep going back and doing it again and getting better each time. And before you know it, you’re amazing at this thing because you’ve got it fine tuned and honed in.

Tim Newman [01:03:23]:
Right. Exactly. Well, Brian, thank you so much. Where where can people find you and and work with you?

Brian Fleming [01:03:29]:
Yeah. If you wanna see what I do, you know, with public speaking and my professional speaking, just go to blown up guy.com. It’s really easy to remember because I’m a guy who got blown up. There are thousands of guys like me who got blown up in the war, but I’m just the guy who bought blown up guy dot com, like, a year after I got blown up. And I don’t look blown up anymore, but it’s easy to remember because nobody can spell Brian or Fleming, and most adults in America write the word brain instead of Brian, which is sad. But, they remember you’re that guy who got blown up. So it’s blown up guy.com. You can email me there as well if you wanna work with me or do any coaching, things like that, or book me for your event.

Tim Newman [01:04:05]:
Brian, thank thank you so much. Thank you for your service. I I really enjoyed the conversation, and, take care of your family, and we’ll talk to you soon.

Brian Fleming [01:04:13]:
Hey. Thanks a lot, Tim.

Tim Newman [01:04:16]:
Be sure to visit speaking with confidence podcast.com to join our growing community and register for the formula for public speaking course. Always remember, your voice is a power changing world. Take care. We’ll see you next