Are you tired of working hard but still finding yourself overlooked, misunderstood, or stuck in conflict at work? In today’s episode, I tackle the question: What if the real reason you’re not getting the recognition or opportunities you deserve isn’t about how hard you’re working, but about the way you communicate?
I’m Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach, and your guide on the Speaking with Confidence podcast. In this episode, I break down the exact three-part formula I use with my clients to transform invisible, frustrated professionals into clear, connected, and unstoppable communicators. It’s not just a list of tips, it’s a step-by-step system where every part is necessary, and missing any one piece makes the whole thing fall apart.
It’s just you and me exploring what it truly means to become a successful, respected communicator. I’ll share the actionable steps that have helped my clients move from being overlooked to being valued, and from being anxious in the spotlight to becoming confident, effective public speakers.
Here’s what we cover in today’s episode:
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Why the root of your career problems is more likely a communication issue than a lack of effort or expertise, and why that’s actually good news
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The myth that sounding articulate or having a big vocabulary means you’re a good communicator and why real communication starts with clarity above all else
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The importance of the “eighth grade rule” explaining your ideas so simply that even an eighth grader would understand, making your message unmissable at work
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A deep dive into collaboration and why true teamwork isn’t about being agreeable or avoiding conflict, but about handling friction with empathy and courage
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The “velvet brick” framework: being soft on the person but hard on the problem so you can tackle tough issues without sacrificing relationships
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How poor communication in small, one-on-one conversations can snowball into big project failures and blown deadlines down the line
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The misconception that public speaking is an innate talent, and why it’s actually about having applied confidence in your message and your collaborative skills
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A personal story about how reframing the audience as collaborators rather than judges can eliminate stage fright and boost your influence
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Why you can’t cheat the system by skipping steps each skill builds on the last, and only by mastering the sequence do you unlock real career leverage
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A challenge for the week: Identify one conversation and apply the eighth grade rule—deliberately choose clarity, and see how it transforms your results
By the end of this episode, you’ll not only have a practical formula for communication success, but you’ll understand why each part matters and how to put it all together for dramatic results in your work and beyond.
Don’t forget to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com to grab your free eBook on the top 21 challenges for public speakers and learn about the Formula for Public Speaking course. Your voice really does have the power to change the world. Let’s unlock it together.
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Transcript
What if the reason you're not getting the credit, the promotion, or the opportunities has nothing to do with how hard you're working? I know that kind of stings a little. Stay with me. Because most people I work with are doing everything right. The putting in the hours. They know their stuff, but they're invisible. Or worse, they're constantly in conflict. And the problem isn't effort, it's a signal. Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, the podcast that helps you build the soft skills that lead to real results. Tim Newman [00:00:42]: Communication, storytelling, public speaking, and showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. I'm Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach, and I'm thrilled to guide you on a journey to becoming a powerful communicator. All right, so here's what I want you to understand today. You don't have a career problem. You have a communication problem. And that's actually great news, because communication is a skill, and skills can be learned, skills can be built. And today I'm giving you the exact three part formula I use with my clients to go from overlooked and frustrated to clear, connected and confident. This isn't a list of three nice to do tips. Tim Newman [00:01:28]: It's an actual system. And if you're missing just one piece, the whole thing falls apart. So let's get into it. The first part is communication. Clarity over everything. So let's start at the foundation. And I need to bust a myth right? Right now, right out of the gate. Real communication has nothing to do with how articulate you sound. Tim Newman [00:01:52]: It has nothing to do with your vocabulary. In fact, a large vocabulary is often a problem. Real communication is about one being understood. And that's it. My simple rule, and we've talked about this a lot, it's the eighth grade rule. If you can't explain your idea to an eighth grader, you don't understand it well enough to be communicating it at work yet. Because here's what actually happens when we hide behind jargon and complexity, it doesn't make us sound impressive. It makes us sound scared. Tim Newman [00:02:27]: Scared of being challenged, scared of being wrong. Scared of the kind of simplicity that only real mastery brings. And John Maxwell talks about this in the Law of Connection. You move people through emotion and you cannot connect emotionally Through a fog of corporate speak, you connect through crystal clear human language. Now, here's a real world consequence that nobody talks about. Every failed project, every blown deadline, every budget that got torched. It didn't start in the big team meeting. It started in a small, one on one conversation where two people walked away Thinking they agreed, but they were actually talking about two completely different things. Tim Newman [00:03:11]: And that tiny crack in the foundation six weeks later becomes a disaster. So the fix isn't talking more it's a mindset shift. Remember, talk like you're correct, but listen like you're wrong. Your only goal in any conversation is mutual clarity. Not proving you're the smartest person in the room. Just, did they actually get it? Did you actually understand their concern? That's the foundation. And if you skip it, everything else you build on top of it will sink. The second part is collaboration. Tim Newman [00:03:47]: I call sometimes communication with a spine. So now you've committed to clarity. You're stripping out the noise now. Let's put that to the test, because this is where things get real. Working with other people who have their own ideas, their own egos, and their own agendas is where most communication breaks down. And here's the mistake most people make. They think collaboration means being agreeable, going along to get along, or nodding yes until the meeting ends and then resenting everyone involved. That's not teamwork, that's martyrdom. Tim Newman [00:04:26]: True collaboration is communication that's willing to handle friction. I use a framework I learned from Tim Elmore. He calls it the velvet brick. Here you're soft on the person, but hard on the problem. Respectful, empathetic, protective of the relationship, but absolutely unwilling to let a difficult personality or an awkward moment prevent you from solving the actual issue that's in front of you. Early in my career, I watched two project leads fail spectacularly at this. They were communicating constantly. Emails, meetings, you name it. Tim Newman [00:05:02]: But they weren't collaborating. They were talking past each other. Both were so focused on being right that they never actually addressed the actual problem and the project failed. And that's the stress test for everything you built in part one. If you practice listening like you're wrong, you can navigate conflict without blowing up the relationship. You can hear the objection, acknowledge it, and steer the conversation back to the shared goal. Now, keep in mind the purpose of collaboration isn't harmony, it's a better result. And that's the messy, necessary middle step. Tim Newman [00:05:41]: You take the clarity from part one and you run it through the real world obstacle course of other people. What comes out the other side is stronger than anything you could have built by yourself. And part three is public speaking. High stakes collaboration. Now we take the whole system and scale it up. If collaboration is clear, communication under friction, then public speaking is the same skill with a hundred different agendas in the room. And all the lights are on you. And here's the biggest lie we've been told. Tim Newman [00:06:14]: Public speaking is some separate magical talent you're either born with or not. It's not. It's applied confidence. And that confidence comes from knowing two things for certain. Your message is crystal clear and you have the tools to handle any pushback that comes your way. I worked with a client who was brilliant one on one, concise, persuasive, sharpened meetings. But put it in front of an audience and she'd freeze. The problem wasn't the stage. Tim Newman [00:06:45]: The problem was that she saw the audience as a panel of judges there to critique her instead of a group of collaborators she was there to solve a problem with. So here's the reframe. That audience isn't a monolith. It's just a big, complicated group of individuals you need to temporarily collaborate with. Your job is to bring clarity to a problem they care about and then be open enough to handle the friction. Their questions, their skepticism, their blank stares. You use the exact same skills, the eighth grade rule to build the message, the velvet brick mindset to navigate the Q and A. When your communication and collaboration are solid, public speaking stops being a performance. Tim Newman [00:07:29]: It becomes a larger, more intentional conversation. But understand something. You can't skip a step. This is where people try to cheat the system, and it never works. This isn't a menu where you pick the one piece that sounds the most useful. It's a life cycle. Each step builds on the foundation for the next. It cannot be a clear communicator in emails, but a nightmare in a team setting. Tim Newman [00:07:55]: And then expect to inspire that same team from a stage. And you can't be the person who's clear, kind and brilliant in small groups but terrified of the spotlight. That person is leaving almost all of their influence on the table because the ability to scale your message is where real leverage happens. The clarity you master in communication builds the trust that makes collaborative friction productive instead of personal. And that proven track record of navigating conflict and building things together is what gives you the unshakable confidence to step into the spotlight. You're not hoping you'll do well. You're relying on a system. A system you've already stress test. Tim Newman [00:08:37]: So here's what I want you to do and notice. I'm not saying get better at public speaking. That's the last domino to fall. Your only job this week is to pick one single conversation. Could be a meeting with your boss, catch up with a direct report, maybe a call to a client. And then apply the 8th grade rule. Explain a complex project or recurring problem or new idea with such simple language that there's zero chance of a misunderstanding. That single deliberate act of choosing clarity is the first break, and you build the collaboration on top of that break, and then the stage on top of that. Tim Newman [00:09:19]: Everything else you want flows from that one decision. That's all for today. Remember, we're looking for progress, not perfection. Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com to get your free eBook, the Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers and How to Overcome Them. You can also register for the Formula for Public Speaking course. Always remember, your voice has the power to change the world. We'll talk to you next time. Take care.